Failure Is The Only Option
by Mahler Avatar
Summary: Drakken and Shego once again try to use the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer to trap Kim and Ron in the world of cable-TV, and once again get more than they bargained for. My first fanfic. Reviews welcome!
1. A Typical Day At Middleton High

Failure Is The Only Option

Chapter1

"All right people, listen up!" Mr. Barkin's command elicited a collective groan from the students. The news was rarely good when he spoke those particular words.

"Your science teacher, Mrs. Feldermoss, is still in the hospital after last week's lab mishap involving flammable liquids and a _certain naked mole rat_." He bit out the last couple of words as he glared at Ron Stoppable, who only could offer a weak smile. "So today's class will be a field trip to the Middleton Space Museum and Research Center."

"Nice going, Stoppable!" Bonnie Rockwaller hissed.

"Heh-heh, how did I know that those beakers were so fragile?" was Ron's sheepish reply.

"Ron, I know it wasn't your fault, but you really have to keep Rufus out of the chem lab." Kim Possible tried to calm the angry grumblings of the class, but the class continued to glare at Ron.

"You're right KP, I'll try harder to keep him out of trouble." Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket and mumbled "_sorree_," his tiny paws still bandaged from the mishap.

As the students boarded the bus, Kim asked, "Mr. Barkin, will we be back in time for cheer practice? We have a regional competition coming up."

Bonnie sneered, "What's the matter, K? Afraid you're not practicing enough? You know I'd be happy to take your place as squad leader if you feel you're not up to it." Bonnie had been gunning for Kim's spot for years and never let an opportunity pass to get in a dig.

"So not the drama, B! I was just looking out for the team, and those who _really_ need the practice." Kim's catty reply was rewarded by giggles from the other members of the cheer squad who were present.

Mr. Barkin frowned. "Can it, people! Save your energy for the competition. And yes, Miss Possible, we'll be back in plenty of time for cheer practice."

Ron chimed in, "So we'll also have time to swing by Bueno Nacho for some snackage, Mr. B?" At the mention of food, Rufus again popped out of Ron's pocket and said, "_Mmm! Cheeese_!"

Ron's question was met by an even fiercer frown, as Mr. Barkin icily replied. "Stoppable, didn't you learn anything from your disastrous ignorance of my Wheel of Good Eating lecture?" The specter of Ron's recent naco-induced transformation into a mutant giant still gave Mr. Barkin chills.

"Mysterious chemicals! Not my fault!" yelled Ron.

Mr. Barkin sighed heavily as he started the engine and pulled the bus away from the school.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Drakken was in the middle of another one of his rants, as Shego absentmindedly flipped through the pages of _Henchwoman Monthly_.

"Shego! I've finally done it! I've come up with an absolutely brilliant scheme for taking over the world, and this time, it's absolutely, positively . . ."

Shego quickly cut in. "Dr. D, if you say foolproof _one more time_ . . ." She lit up one hand with her green plasma, to underscore what would happen if he were to be so foolish as to complete his sentence.

"Nnngh! Spoil sport! I hire you for your help, not your lip, Shego."

"Okee-dokee, Dr. D. What have you got planned this time?" Shego turned back to her magazine, stifling a yawn.

"A plan that will give me both absolute world power _and_ doom Kim Possible, in one swell foop!"

Shego rolled her eyes for what must have been the thousandth time. "Isn't that 'one fell swoop' Dr. D?"

"Uh, yes, I believe you're right, Shego. Must write that down on a 3x5 card for future reference . . ." He rummaged through a drawer trying to find a pen.

A green energy blast from Shego's glove blew a small hole in the wall next to the mad scientist. "Get on with it, Dr. Drakken! I may be on the clock, but I haven't got all day."

The briefly startled doctor continued. "Of course Shego. Tell me, why have I always been unsuccessful in my plans for world domination?"

Shego's eyes glazed over as a hundred sarcastic replies suddenly flooded her mind, rendering her temporarily speechless.

"Shego? SHEGO!" he yelled.

"Wha - what Dr. D?" she replied, breaking out in a belly laugh.

"Arghh, never mind." As her laughter trailed off, he continued. "Kim Possible always manages to discover and foil my brilliant plans, even after being captured and restrained."

"You mean, after _I_ capture and restrain her." Shego smiled.

"Yes, yes, of course!" he quickly continued. "But this time, I will dispose of her at the same time as I set my diabolical plan in motion. Oh, it will be a victory that I will richly savor!"

"Uh huh, uh huh. Details, Dr. D."

"It involves the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, which I will need you to steal, Shego."

Her pale green skin turned a shade paler as she remembered the device, and the time it trapped them within a series of TV shows, along with Kim, Ron and that naked mole rat. The device also had nearly ripped apart the very fabric of space-time, threatening to leave them all in eternal limbo.

"Uh, Dr. D, do you really want to mess with that particular device again? Not only did Kimmie wreck your plans, but we also got stuck on the set of that blasted kiddie show for days! You were 'moopy' for weeks, even after your arm healed after being broken by Mr. Sit-Down."

"Of course I do, Shego! I'm no quitter. Once is never enougher, but twicer is nicer!" he cackled to himself, proud of the new adage he had just created.

"Actually this would be the third time, if you remember our little adventure with Dementor in Las Vegas …"

"Shego, you always rain on my parade. Very well, third time's a charm! Happy now?"

"Yeah, sure Doc." Shego crossed her arms as she continued. "So what's different this time, O great wise one?"

"We'll use it to take complete control over the entire world's broadcasting network! Just imagine, Shego: News! Weather! Sports! All at my command, along with every form of video entertainment known to man! And at the same time, I'll trap Kim Possible within its electronic web! Hah! Hmm. And maybe even unload my remaining Brainwashing Shampoo and Cranial Rinse on QVC. And then there's all of those leftover cupcakes . . ."

"Wandering again, Dr. D. And speaking of 'Cupcake,' how are we going to deal with Possible and her sidekick when they show up?"

Dr. Drakken answered, his eyes hooded in conspiratorial glee. "Ah, this it where it gets good, Shego. Even as we speak, Kim Possible's father is analyzing the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer at the Middleton Space Museum and Research Center. Dr. Possible was so sad that I didn't 'include' him when I kidnapped the world's smartest scientists. So when I pop my electronic 'silly hat' on his smug head and reduce him to a blithering idiot, he'll now get his wish! And when dear Kimberly Ann comes to his rescue, we'll activate the device and transport the whole kip and catoodle into the airwaves! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha!_"

"That's 'kit and caboodle' Dr. D," Shego corrected. "But I've gotta say Doc, you've really thought this through this time. I'm impressed!"

"Why, thank you, Shego. I must say, that Red Cow energy drink really gets my creative juices flowing!"

Shego heaved a heavy sigh as she said to herself, "Yeah, until the caffeine and sugar rush wears off and you totally crash . . ."

"What was that, Shego?" Ignoring her comment and warming to his rant, he continued.

"I've also combined the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler into one device, so we will have complete control of the . . . 'remote,' so to speak. If we need to enter the dimensional vortex, we'll be able to choose the programs we wish to enter. No more random channel-flipping!" Dr. Drakken gloated evilly as Shego's eyes widened in amazement at his sudden detail-orientation. "And, just to add insult to injury, I will remove all Bueno Nacho commercials from the airwaves, just to spite the buffoon, uh, whose name just escapes me now, um, drat . . ." Drakken's mind began to wander as he tried to recall Ron's name.

Shego sighed as she put her head in her hand. "Focus, Dr. Drakken! The buffoon's name is Stoppable, for the hundredth time! Jeez Louise, you would think that his name would have been burned indelibly into your mind after all the times he's accidentally ruined your plans with his crazy antics!" She laughed inwardly, as she thought to herself, "_Yup, same old Drakken . . . oh well. But think: has he missed anything?"_

"Uh, Dr. D, won't we need more than just local cable to reach the whole world?"

Dr. Drakken raised his index finger as he replied. "Ah, but we won't be using Komcast anymore, my dear Shego. I've gotten . . . _a dish!_"

Shego's jaw dropped. _"Yup, he _has_ thought of everything this time . . ."_


	2. What Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong

_Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. Nngh. Drat._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kim and Ron walked hand-in-hand down a hallway of the Middleton Space Museum, as Mr. Barkin blathered on in his lecture on the Apollo moon landings. "And in July 1969, Apollo 11 landed on the moon, where Neil Armstrong became the first person to set foot on an alien world."

"Uh, Mr. Barkin, wasn't that faked?" Everyone suddenly stopped and stared at Ron, as Kim desperately tugged on his arm to stop talking.

"Not now, Ron!" Kim hissed under her breath.

"But KP, searching for the truth here . . ." But before he could continue, Mr. Barkin glared at Ron and spoke.

"Stoppable, apparently you missed that episode on _Mythwreckers_ where they busted every major moon-landing hoax theory. Perhaps assigning you some extra homework, like researching the plot loopholes in the movie _Capricorn One_, will cure your penchant for government conspiracy theories?"

Ron quickly answered, "Uh, no sir! Still not caught up with last week's extra homework on the dangers of keeping giant cockroaches as pets!"

"Good answer!" he growled. "Now _if_ you don't mind, we'll continue with . . ."

_Beep-Beep-BEE-Beep!_ Mr. Barkin was interrupted by a signal from Kim's Kimmunicator.

She flipped it open. "What's the sitch, Wade?"

Kim's pre-teen computer genius replied, "Hey Kim, looks like Drakken and Shego are on the move again. Looks like another research facility is their target."

Kim sighed. "Another research facility? They never give up, do they? How soon can you arrange a ride for us, Wade?"

Wade smiled. "You won't need one this time. They're heading for the Middleton Space Center and Research Facility. They might be after the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer."

Kim's face went totally white. "Isn't that what accidentally trapped us once in all those TV shows? And my dad's studying that thing right now!"

"One in the same, Kim," Wade replied. "Be careful, and good luck!

Kim closed the connection. "Let's move, Ron! My dad's in danger!" She tore off down the hall, with Ron close behind. She didn't notice that she had just dropped the Kimmunicator in her haste. Bonnie quickly picked it up.

She yelled, "Kim, you dropped your beepy thingy!" Although fiercely competitive with Kim, Bonnie knew how important the device was. She quickly ran after Kim and Ron as they tried to beat Drakken to the research wing.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hmm. Quite a machine we have here," Dr. Possible mused to himself. He had opened up the access panel on the side of the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, and was intently studying its internal workings. Tangled wires lay strewn all about. "Looks like this is the power conduit, which is routed through what looks like a fail-safe device, which is connected to what appears to be a self-destruct mechanism . . . Heh-heh. That Drew, always building his contraptions with a self-destruct switch . . ."

"Very good, _Doctor_ Possible!" came a voice from behind him.

Dr. P turned around with a start. "Drew Lipsky! Or should I say, Dr. Drakken? And your show-folk henchwoman, Shego?"

That comment earned him a blast from Shego's plasma-charged hands.

"_Errr!_ I HATE it when he calls me that!" she yelled.

"Shego, don't hurt the nice doctor," Drakken said charmingly. "I want him totally conscious as I reveal my diabolical plan!"

"Don't monologue too long, Dr. D. You know _Princess_ will be here any moment," Shego quickly said.

Drakken dismissed her concern with a wave of his hand. "Not to worry, Shego. It will take her at least 5 minutes to make it here from school, 10 if she has to depend on her sidekick's motor scooter," he chortled. "More than enough time to divulge my evil plot, and prepare my trap for Kim Possible!"

"What's this all about Drakken, and what are you planning to do with my Kimmie-Cub?" Dr. P questioned angrily.

Drakken smiled evilly as he replied, "My dear doctor and old friend, I'm going to transport your precious Kimberly Ann into the ether of the world's broadcasting networks, where she'll be trapped forever! With her permanently out of my hair, I will use the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer to control the world's airwaves, and then the WORLD! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha!_"

"You'll never get away with it, Lipsky! My daughter will stop you like she always does, and you'll be back in Cell Block D before you know what hit you!"

"Not this time, Possible! Even as we speak, _ungh_, I'm moving, _argh_, this device to aim at the door, _unhh_, where young Kimberly will meet her . . . _ouch_!" He barked his shin as his foot slipped. "Some help here Shego! This device is heavy!"

Shego helped Drakken point the device at the only door in the room. Dr. Possible struggled to prevent them, even though he knew that Shego could easily incapacitate him. He had to try and buy enough time to warn Kim.

"Save your strength, Doctor. Why don't you try this on for size?" As he spoke, he firmly pushed his notorious 'silly hat' onto Dr. Possible's head. Electronic beeping was heard as the hat took effect, and his mental capacities were instantly reduced to the level of a two-year old. A goofy smile appeared on his face, as he began to make raspberry sounds and giggle uncontrollably.

"Very good, Dr. Possible! Ah, yes, revenge is a . . . cold dish, served best with . . . uh, a side order of . . ."

Shego put her head in her hand and answered resignedly, "Uh, Dr. D, that's 'revenge is a dish best served cold.' Remind me to buy you _1001 Greatest Analogies_ for Christmas."

"No need, Shego. Just one last thing and it's finished." Drakken connected yet another device to the machine.

"And what's that do, Dr. D?"

"Just a little payback to Kimberly Ann for trapping us in that kiddie show." Drakken absent-mindedly rubbed his recently healed arm. "The Magnetronic Personality Analyzer I've just attached will scan the brainwaves of anyone entering the vortex, and place them in a show where they will have the greatest chance of utter humiliation, if not serious bodily injury." He chuckled cruelly, "I want that girl to suffer before she meets her demise! This time, failure is not an option!"

"Failure is the _only_ option, Drakken!" The voice from behind him immediately wiped the look of triumph from his face.

"Kim Possible! How did you get in here? There's only one door!"

"You forgot about the ventilation shaft, Drakken," Kim slyly replied, "and we didn't feel like getting ambushed. And it also carries your voice real well, too. Right Ron?"

Ron beamed as he replied, "Yup, KP! We heard every bon-diggety bit of your plot, Drakken!"

"Good! Then I won't waste time repeating it. Shego, _attack!_"

Shego's hands flared to life as she tried to use her plasma bolts to herd Kim into the machine's line of fire. Kim quickly jumped out of the way, completing a flip to land behind Shego. Barely avoiding Kim's flying kick, Shego counterattacked with several punches, which Kim easily deflected.

"A little slow today, Shego?" Kim taunted.

"Not as slow as you're going to be when we drop you into an Antarctic travelogue!" Shego shot back.

Ron made a beeline for the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, which Drakken had just activated. Ron quickly punched the self-destruct button, but Drakken just smiled. "You're too late, _sidekick_! I've already disabled the self-destruct switch!"

"Oh, man . . ." Crestfallen, Ron tried to grab the wires, hoping to pull enough of them loose to disable the device, but only got a severe shock for his efforts.

"_Uh-oh!_" exclaimed Rufus, who had scrambled out of Ron's pocket and was trying to find another way into the machine. Failing in this, the naked mole rat turned his attention to the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler.

In an incredible stroke of bad timing, Bonnie chose this moment to enter the room.

"Kim, you dropped your Kimmunicator thingy, and . . ." Bonnie froze as she found herself staring down the maw of the device, which was pointed directly at her. "_Oh, sh_ . . ."

"Well, Kim Possible! It looks like our first test subject has arrived!" Drakken spoke as he punched the firing button.

Everyone froze as the now fully-charged Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer flared to life, its electronic hum filling the room. Her feet frozen to the floor, Bonnie looked at Kim with a look of horror. But instead of discharging its beam toward Bonnie, the device emitted a quickly expanding sphere of energy, enveloping everyone within the room. A moment later, the room was empty and quiet, save for the soft breeze of the air conditioning vent.

The silence was only broken by the clatter of the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler's battery pack, as it fell to the floor.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, Dr. D has done it again, but did you really expect otherwise? Thanks for everyone's comments so far, and yes, I'm trying to write this like a late Season 4 episode. Next update very soon: stay tuned . . . !_


	3. Into The Networks

_Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. So not the drama . . ._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kim shook off her disorientation as she found herself seated on the set of what looked like a game show, the studio audience wildly applauding as the theme music blared. "_Oh no, not again,"_ she thought. Her father was seated next to her, Drakken's 'silly hat' still in place on his head. Across from them sat the program's hostess.

"I'm Maribeth Tiara, and welcome to Father and Daughter Week on _Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire_! From Middleton Colorado, please welcome Dr. James Possible and his daughter Kim!" The audience broke into applause as Dr. P sat with a goofy grin still plastered on his face. Kim looked mortified as her face blushed a deep shade of red.

Kim thought to herself, "_Well, if this isn't the most embarrassing moment that either me or my dad have ever had . . . Drakken's Magnetronic Personality Analyzer is sure living up to its promise . . ."_

"So how are you both doing today?" Maribeth asked.

"Well, uh, just great, Maribeth! Heh-heh," Kim weakly replied. Dr. P responded with a raspberry. Kim blushed even more.

Maribeth looked briefly surprised, but immediately continued. "Yesterday our contestants made it to $16,000, but had to use all but one of their lifelines. Let's see how they do on the $25,000 question!"

Kim immediately pulled the 'silly hat' off of her father's head. He regained his intelligence immediately, but was obviously confused.

"Kim, what are we doing here? Last thing I remember, I was struggling with Drakken."

Kim replied under her breath, "Dad, he activated the device you were studying, and now we're trapped on a TV game show!"

Maribeth spoke again. "James and Kim, for $25,000 dollars, here's your question: What is the Kuiper Belt? A) Where long-period comets originate, B) Where short-period comets originate, C) Where all Trans-Neptunian Objects originate, or D) The brand name of the belt that often fails to hold up Ron Stoppable's pants?"

Kim quickly said, "Maribeth, we'd like to use our last lifeline and call our friend, Wade Load."

Just as quickly, Dr. P said, "But Kimmie-Cub, I know this one!"

"I know, Dad, but if we ever expect to get out of this sitch, we're going to need Wade's help!"

Maribeth nodded. "OK, let's get Wade on the line."

After a few rings, Wade answered. "Hello Wade! This is Maribeth Tiara from _Trillionaire_, and James and Kim need your help."

Kim felt her anxiety increase as she yelled, "Wade! Drakken has used his Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, and we're trapped on cable-TV again!"

"Whoa! I was wondering what you were doing on _Trillionaire_. Kim, I hope you're still on top of your . . . _game_!" Wade burst out laughing.

Kim sneered, "SO not the time Wade! This is a serious sitch: I'm here with my Dad, but Ron, Rufus and Bonnie are missing! And who knows where Drakken and Shego are. We need your help!"

Wade waved his hand dismissively. "No problem, Kim. Just show me your Kimmunicator, and I'll get a lock on you. Then we'll work on finding the others."

Kim reached down to retrieve her Kimmunicator, but it was missing. "Oh no, it's gone, Wade!" She quickly remembered that she had dropped it back at the Space Museum.

Wade frowned. "That's bad news, Kim. There's no way I can help you without it."

Maribeth spoke again. "James and Kim, you have 30 seconds, and your time starts . . . now . . . "

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Whoa-ho-ho-HO!" Ron exclaimed, as he suddenly found himself at the controls of a World War II fighter plane. He grabbed the stick just before the plane started to spin.

"OK, Ron-man. How do we fly this thing?" He desperately tried to remember the flight sim that his father had given him for Hanukkah. Although Ron preferred Zombie Mayhem IV, he had gotten pretty good at these sims, but this was the real thing. He looked out of the canopy and noticed the silver finish of the wing and the white star on a field of blue.

"Alright, looks like I'm in a late-war US fighter. So far, so good." He checked over his controls. "Stick, rudder pedals, throttle, check." Then he quickly looked at his instruments. "Airspeed, 350 knots. Altitude, 25,000 feet. Fuel down to a half tank." Then he noticed the placard indicating the type of plane he was in. "P-51D Mustang! Ah-BOO-Yah!" he exclaimed. "This is the plane that defeated the German Air Force!"

Suddenly he heard a voice come from all around him. "The P-51 was one of the best all-around fighters of the Second World War, and could outperform any other German piston-engined fighter. But it was outmatched by the world's first operational jet fighter, the Messerschmitt Me-262. Flying over 100 mph faster than any other allied aircraft, it had the potential to restore the Luftwaffe's air superiority over the war-torn skies of Europe. Coming up next on the Historicity Channel, we'll see how they matched up on: _Dogfighters!_"

Ron's heart leapt into his throat as an Me-262 flashed by him, the German cross on its fuselage appearing in stark contrast to its green and gray mottled camouflage. Even more frightening was its pilot, a young woman with pale green skin and long black hair.

_"Shego . . ."_

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Looks like Kim and Ron have there hands full for the moment. But what about our missing characters? Update tomorrow!_


	4. TV Triptych

_Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. Seriously!_

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Drakken looked around the room in which he had just appeared. It looked exactly like one of his earlier lairs. In fact, it was his very first lair, down to the smallest detail.

"What am I doing here? I had the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer aimed at Kim Possible's cheerleader friend! Unless . . . _nngh!_ I'll bet Dr. Possible was monkeying with the wires and accidentally set the device on wide-beam, which means we've all been swept into the vortex!" He looked around the dark room. "But where's everybody else? Hmm. No matter, I'll just use the Quantum Reverser to escape, and leave the rest of them trapped here, right after I find Shego."

He pushed a few buttons, but the device didn't activate.

"Arghh! What's wrong with this thing? It was working fine when I tested it!" Drakken checked it over, and made an irritating discovery. "The battery is missing! That accursed mole rat must have taken it when the sidekick distracted me! Well, no matter, I'll just grab another spare from the drawer here . . . somewhere . . ."

He rummaged through the drawer, but quickly realized that as this was his first lair, the particular battery he needed wouldn't be invented for several more years. Yelling several unintelligible curses, he finally sat down to decide what to do next. His ruminations were suddenly interrupted by a disembodied voice dramatically speaking from all around him.

"Dr. Drakken, the self-styled mad scientist and nemesis of teen-heroine Kim Possible, holds the world record for secret lairs that have exploded, collapsed, or otherwise been spectacularly destroyed. And we'll relive each and every one of them over the next half-hour, so hold onto your seats! I'm your host, Don Fitts, and this is . . . _DESTROYED IN MOMENTS_!"

"Oh, snap . . ."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rufus looked around the landscape in which he had just appeared. A broad expanse of desert lay before him, several large mesas and buttes jutting up from the colorful terrain of the American Southwest. He looked down and noticed he was on a paved road. Looking one way, the road extended to the horizon. Looking the other way, it led towards one of the mesas.

With a quizzical expression on his face, Rufus chattered to himself, wondering what to do. The scene froze as a caption appeared beneath him: _Heterocephalus glaber supersonicus._ A moment later the scene unfroze as he continued looking around, his nose sniffing the air.

_"Uh oh!"_

Suddenly he froze, sensing that he was being watched. The scene changed to a close-up of a scrawny and apparently very hungry coyote. He eyed Rufus in the distance, and with a huge slurping noise licked his lips with his large tongue. The scene froze again as a caption appeared beneath the coyote: _Canis latrans famishus. _As the scene unfroze, the coyote took off like a shot, running upright directly toward Rufus.

Rufus exclaimed "Whoa!" and took off towards the mesa. But his speed was suddenly faster than he had ever run before, and accompanied by the sound of a roaring jet engine, he left a huge trail of dust behind him. Huffing and puffing, the coyote gradually slowed down, then stopped as he watched Rufus retreat in the distance.

The coyote scratched his chin, then pulled out a mail-order catalogue. Quickly filling out a coupon, he stamped it and stuck it into a conveniently located mailbox, which was immediately picked up by a postal truck. Right away, another truck roared up and delivered the items he had just ordered. The large capital letters clearly disclosed the first box's contents: ACMEE INSTANT NACHO CHEESE MAKER. The coyote opened the box with glee, drooling as he assembled the cheese maker.

Rufus chose this moment to reappear, zooming up directly behind the coyote without being seen. Curious as to what he was building, Rufus meant to say "_Whatcha doin'?" _but instead it came out sounding like "_Beep-Beep!"_ The coyote was instantly startled, jumping thirty feet into the air. Rufus watched as he went straight up, then came back down, landing directly on his head and creating a small crater in the road. Rufus tried to say "_Bye-bye!"_ but again sounded like "_Beep-Beep!" _as he roared off back down the highway.

The coyote climbed out of the crater, nursing a huge lump that had appeared on his head. Quickly finishing the cheese maker and placing it in the middle of the road, he turned his attention to the other box, which was clearly labeled ACMEE PATRIOT MISSILE LAUNCHER AND HOMING DEVICE. A trumpet flourish was heard as a huge smile broke out on his face. He quickly assembled the launch platform behind a small rise just out of sight of the cheese maker.

Having completed the launcher, he quickly tiptoed over to the cheese maker and punched a button. Delicious yellow goo spewed out of it and onto the road, creating a miniature mountain of cheese. He stuck one finger of his paw into the viscous mess and tasted it, smacking his lips in approval. He then placed the tiny electronic homing device near the very top, just under the surface of the cheese. For the final touch, he stuck a sign into the very top of the mound, which read "FREE CHEESE." Tiptoeing back to the missile launcher, he donned a white crash helmet and climbed into the seat to await the return of Rufus.

Rufus could smell the delicious aroma from a mile away, and exclaimed, "_CHEEESE!"_ As fast as a bullet, he rocketed down the highway toward his meal, as the coyote drooled and licked his lips in anticipation of his own lunch. Arriving at the cheese, Rufus's body vibrated rapidly as he came to a complete and sudden stop. With a huge smile on his face, he immediately began gobbling up the cheese, scarfing it down at incredible speed. As soon as he was done, he let out a contented burp, and with a cheerful "_Beep-Beep,"_ again took off down the highway.

The coyote smiled with evil glee as he aimed the missile and punched the firing button. The rocket fired with a terrific whoosh, heading directly for Rufus at high speed, and both were quickly out of sight. Rufus had no problem staying just ahead of the missile, but suddenly he gave in to the urge for an abrupt stop. The missile made the sound of tires screeching to a halt as it stopped in midair, barely a foot away from the hitherto supersonic mole rat. Smiling, Rufus pointed back in the direction they had both come. The missile promptly turned around and shot back in the direction of the cheese maker.

Meanwhile, the coyote was wondering why he hadn't heard an explosion yet. Surely the missile could catch up with even that supersonic rodent! He carefully walked onto the road, and looked in the direction that he had fired the missile. With a frown on his face, he folded his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. Then he noticed the sign still sticking straight up in the middle of the road. He scratched his head and walked over to it. Picking it up, he noticed that the missile's homing beacon was attached to the sign with a small piece of melted cheese, courtesy of Rufus. The coyote looked aghast at the camera, his snout and both of his ears drooping in resignation to his fate. As he heard the whoosh of the rapidly approaching missile, he quickly turned his sign around, which now read "YIKES!" The inevitable explosion was terrific, filling the entire screen and ending the cartoon.

The familiar theme music played as the _Merry Melodys_ credits began to roll, and suddenly Rufus burst through the backdrop to say, "_Uh-huh! Uh-huh! That's all folks!"_

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bonnie found herself alone on a dark street late at night. She looked around, but didn't recognize the surroundings. However, it looked like a bad part of town, whatever town it was. A seedy-looking bar was across the street, its neon lights flickering erratically.

"Ooh, I am SO going to get Kim for this. I try to help her out and what do I get? Sent who knows where by some blue-skinned freak!"

She turned around and saw an all-night liquor store. Its name revealed her location.

"Lowerton Liquors? What the hell am I doing in Lowerton?"

A big, brawny man walked out of the liquor store and spotted Bonnie. He approached her and said, "Hey pretty girl, wanna party?"

Bonnie's anger flared as her jaw dropped. "So not! Take one more step and I'll scream!" She quickly rummaged through her purse for her pepper spray just as a police car pulled up. An officer got out and approached them, followed by another man with a video camera.

"All right, what's going on here?" the officer barked.

Bonnie replied, "Officer, this freak is SO majorly bothering me!"

The officer looked her over, his face strangely showing little concern. "I need to see some ID, miss."

Bonnie looked shocked. "My ID? Why?"

"Just show me your ID please," was his gruff reply. Bonnie took it out and handed it to him. He looked it over and said, "Bonnie Rockwaller, of Middleton. What brings you to Lowerton at 2 AM on a Saturday night, Miss Rockwaller? A little past your curfew, don't you think?" He looked over her outfit. "And it's a little chilly to be wearing just a cheerleader's costume."

Bonnie stammered a quick reply. "I have no idea, officer! I was at the Middleton Space Museum when I was hit by this strange ray and found myself here!"

The officer looked her over. "Right. Strange ray. Dressed like a cheerleader, in Lowerton's red light district at 2 in the morning. I'm afraid we'll need to take a trip downtown, Miss Rockwaller."

"Wha – what for?" Bonnie had a sinking feeling that she was in deep trouble.

"I'm placing you under arrest for solicitation. You have the right to remain silent . . ."

"NO!" she yelled.

". . . and anything you say can be held against you in a court of law," the officer continued.

Another voice began, coming from all around Bonnie.

_"COPPERS is filmed on location. All suspects are assumed innocent until proven guilty."_

"I'm on _COPPERS?!_" Bonnie screamed. The officer placed her in the squad car as the theme music began.

_Bad girls, bad girls. . ._

"No, I'm not!"

_Whatya gonna do when they're huntin' for you . . ._

"No one is _hunting_ for me!"

_When you were nine and your traits weren't fine . . ._

"I was _perfect_ when I was nine!"

_You went to school and learned the golden rule . . ._

"WHAT golden rule?"

_So why do you act like a silly fool . . ._

"I'm _nobody's_ fool!"

_You think you're hot but you ain't cool_ _. . ._

"I AM hot! Oops, not like that! You know what I mean!"

Bonnie's yelling trailed off into the distance as the patrol car left, leaving behind the brawny man with a mullet.

"Hmm. She _was_ kinda hot. Seriously!"

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, we've seen where everybody has ended up for starters, but that's not all folks! And kudos to Screaming Phoenix and CajunBear73 for their prescience regarding the likely outcome of Ron & Shego's air battle, to be posted on Monday . . . Auf wiedersehen!_


	5. The Eagle and the Hawk

_Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. And she's not my girlfriend! _

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ron kicked the rudder pedal and jammed the stick of his P-51 Mustang into a hard right turn in an attempt to follow the German jet, but Shego's speed was much greater, and she easily pulled away from him. Ron's radio crackled into life. It was Shego.

"You're toast, Stoppable! There's no way you can get away from me. Bail out now while you still have a chance!"

"So you can gun me down in my parachute? No way, Shego! You're the one who's going down!" Ron hoped his bravado made up for the fear that was coursing through his veins. He was in serious trouble, and Shego knew it.

"Have it your way, buffoon. I'm armed with cannon vs. your pop-guns, I've got a big speed advantage, and I'm a better pilot. Ya still wanna play?" As she was speaking, Shego had circled around and was ready to make a firing pass.

Ron realized that everything she said was true. His six 50-caliber machine guns were powerful, but were no match for her 30mm cannon. Even one hit would shred his plane into so many splinters. And she was the better pilot, having flown many missions in Team Go's jet before turning to evil. Ron fought down a sense of panic and tried to think of something, anything, that would keep him alive.

"OK Ron, what tactics did they use in this sitch? Think!"

As if in an answer to prayer, the announcer began to speak. "Although slower, the P-51 was much more maneuverable than the Me-262, which was at a disadvantage in a dogfight."

Ron immediately flipped the plane over onto its back and forced the plane into a steep dive, just as Shego opened fire. Deadly cannon shells whizzed harmlessly by as he executed a split-S maneuver. Shego tried to follow, but her larger aircraft couldn't turn as tightly as the Mustang, and she broke away in the opposite direction. Pulling his nose up and forcing the plane into another tight turn, he tried to get onto her tail. But Shego had executed a half-loop, and with her speed advantage, was now above and behind him. Diving again, Shego pressed the firing button, but Ron forced his rudder hard left as he went into a shallow dive, and Shego's shots once again went wide of her target.

"Nice flying, sport. But how long do you think you can keep that up?" Ron could tell that Shego was smiling as she spoke. Not good. She was flying easily, but he was panting heavily under the strain of these high-G maneuvers.

"Man, this isn't as easy as flying on my computer . . ." Ron dove once again, executing another split-S turn. But this time he jammed the throttle to maximum as he quickly picked up speed. Pulling the stick back as hard as he could, he began a zoom climb. With luck, he hoped he could reach Shego's altitude and get her into a turning battle. If she kept her speed up, he could continue evasive maneuvers, and she would have little time to aim and fire accurately. If she slowed down, he might be able to turn tight enough to get on her tail long enough for a short machine gun burst.

Ron climbed rapidly, gravitational forces crushing him into his seat. Blood drained from his head and he was close to passing out. The seconds ticked by as he passed 26,000 feet, 26,500 feet, 27,000 feet. He leveled off just as he was about to black out. A burst of cannon fire from off to his left showed him that Shego was still with him. But this time she overshot. Quickly pulling behind her he squeezed the trigger. Six 50-caliber machine guns spat out a hail of lead, but his aim was off, and he failed to obtain any hits. Shego quickly sped out of range.

"Nice try, Stoppable, but you'll have to do better than that!" Shego taunted.

"You can count on it, Shego!" Ron tersely replied.

Shego was executing another wide turn in an attempt to get onto Ron's tail and maintain speed. But Ron still had his throttle at maximum, and with his better turning ability, he was easily able to keep inside the Me-262's turning radius.

Ron thought to himself, "_You're not getting on my tail again, Shego!"_

With the slight height advantage he now held, Ron kept Shego in sight as the range between them rapidly closed. Shego then realized she had begun her turn too quickly, and they were soon approaching each other head-on.

Ron flipped on the radio switch. "How about a game of _chicken_, Shego?" he grunted through clenched teeth.

"You think I'll blink first? No way, Stoppable!" Shego angrily replied.

"_I'm counting on it,"_ Ron thought to himself. Hoping that Shego would hold her fire until the last possible moment, Ron was counting on the superior accuracy of the P-51's K-14 gyroscopic gunsight over the older Revi 16 reflector gunsight of the Me-262. _If_ he opened fire first, and _if_ he could maneuver away quickly enough. "_A lot of ifs . . ."_ Ron thought.

Their closing speed was incredible. They opened fire almost simultaneously, but Ron had the quicker reflexes and squeezed off several rounds before pulling into his tightest turn yet. Shego's shots again arced by dangerously close, but this time Ron's aim was true, and he observed several strikes on the Me-262's right wing and engine.

At that moment, the announcer came back on. "Although an extremely advanced warplane, the Me-262's Achilles heel was its Jumo 004 jet engines. Rushed into production and forced to use low quality alloys due to the deteriorating war situation, they were failure-prone even if damaged only slightly in combat. Even worse, if the throttle was advanced too rapidly, the engines could flame out, especially at high altitudes."

Almost on cue, Shego's right engine burst into flame. She quickly shut it down, but the asymmetrical drag of the now dead wing-mounted engine threw her plane into a spin. Shego muttered an expletive as she tried to regain control by jamming the throttle forward on the remaining engine, which promptly flamed out. "Could this day get any worse?" she yelled.

As Shego's plane spun out of control, Ron exclaimed, "_Ah-BOO-yah_! Scratch one Me-262!"

"Where in the hell's the ejection handle in this kite?" Shego screamed as she desperately tried to bail out. Helpfully, the announcer spoke once again. "The Me-262 wasn't fitted with an ejection seat until the closing days of the war, requiring a standard, though dangerous, bailout process."

"Crap." Shego used a plasma bolt to blast the canopy off and promptly bailed out. Pulling the ripcord, her chute deployed and she drifted lazily towards the ground in the cool afternoon sky. As Ron's P-51 sped off into the distance, she shook her hand and yelled her farewell: "Curse you, Ron Stopabble!"

The announcer spoke again. "And now a word from our sponsor, Bueno Nacho."

Ron suddenly found himself in a Bueno Nacho restaurant, pleasant background music wafting through the air. Without missing a beat, he spoke.

"After a life-or-death dogfight, I love to relax at my favorite restaurant, Bueno Nacho! Not only can I get a snack of my very own invention, the Naco, but sodas are free for World War II flying aces, today only!" And as he slurped his drink, the screen faded to black.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Close calls for both Ron and Shego! But how are Kim and Dr. P doing, and will Wade find a way to help? Tune in tomorrow! _

_I wasn't sure if this sitch would fly (pun intended), but many of you not only looked forward to the air battle but correctly guessed its outcome. Thanks again to all for the many reviews and suggestions! _


	6. Wade To The Rescue

_Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me, so don't sue me. Please and thank you._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

The seconds were ticking down for Kim and Dr. Possible, with more than just the $25,000 question on the line.

"I'm sorry Kim," apologized Wade. "There's not much I can do without your Kimmunicator. But I've been able to scan your biosignatures, so at least I'll be able to track you as you pass into new TV shows. Any idea who has your Kimmunicator?"

Kim thought for a moment, and then remembered what had happened. "Yes! Bonnie had just walked into the lab with it when the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer was activated."

Wade smiled. "Great, Kim. That's a start at least. I'll check with her and catch you later . . . same time, same station!" Wade laughed as he closed the connection.

Maribeth looked perplexed. "Wow, that was some 'Call-A-Friend' you had there, Kim!" The audience laughed as Kim smiled and blushed again.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so Maribeth! Dad, how about that answer, quick!"

It was now Dr. P's turn to smile. "Nooooo problem, Kimmie. Maribeth, the answer is B), where short-period comets originate, final answer." A soft drum roll was heard as the audience collectively held their breath.

Maribeth slowly said, "Oh, I'm so sorry, James . . ." He looked shocked. " . . . but Kim didn't _also_ say final answer. You're correct! You've both won $25,000!" The audience cheered as James and Kim breathed a sigh of relief, happy that they had only been the recipients of one of Maribeth's famous fake-outs.

"Thanks Maribeth!" Dr. P began to expound on his answer. "I knew it wasn't A), because long-period comets originate in the Oort Cloud, and it couldn't be C), because some, but not all Trans-Neptunian Objects originate in the Kuiper Belt, and I think only Kimmie knows what type of belt holds up Ronald's pants." Looking sternly at Kim, he continued, "But she better not!"

Kim just laughed and smiled weakly as Maribeth continued. "All right, here's your $50,000 question . . ."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bonnie was pouting in the back of the squad car as it made its way to the Lowerton Police Station.

"No one had better be watching this show!" she yelled to no one in particular. "How am I possibly going to live this down?" she thought morosely to herself. Suddenly, the Kimmunicator beeped. Startled out of her deep funk, she answered it. "Hello?"

Wade appeared on the screen. "Bonnie, is that you?"

"Yes!" she yelled. "Wade, you've got to help me!"

"No problem Bonnie. You've been sucked into cable-TV by one of Kim's evil arch-enemies, but I should be able to get you out." Wade noticed where she was sitting. "Hey, is that a police cruiser you're in?"

"Duh!" she sarcastically replied. "Now get me out of here!"

"No problem. Just let me get a lock on your location." Wade's fingers flew over his computer keyboard. "Hey Bonnie, did you get arrested for something?"

Bonnie folded her arms and crossed he legs as she bitingly replied, "I SO do NOT want to talk about it! Just get me out of here before they book me!"

Wade's fingers continued to race over the keyboard. "I've cross-referenced TV shows with your time, location and local police scanners, and . . . WHOA!" Wade busted out laughing. "Bonnie! _Solicitation?_ And you're on _COPPERS?_ Wait 'till the gang here's about _this_!"

The color of Bonnie's face was approaching the shade of the red light atop the patrol car. Through gritted teeth, she warned, "Wade, if you tell ANYONE about this, you'll be SO DEAD! _Do . . . you . . . under . . . stand_?"

"Sure thing, Bon-Bon. Or should I say, '_Candy_'?" Wade snorted as he broke out laughing again.

Bonnie screamed so loud that the Kimmunicator's sound distorted.

Wade laughed reassuringly, "Don't worry Bonnie, I know that you're innocent, and you're secret's safe with me. Now, hold the Kimmunicator up to the door."

Bonnie complied, and two tiny flexible arms appeared out of the Kimmunicator. One snaked its way down the car window; the other jimmied the recessed door handle. A moment later, she heard a large click.

"OK, when the car stops at the next light, open the door and make a run for it," Wade instructed. "And don't forget the Kimmunicator!"

"Thanks Wade! OK, here goes . . ." Bonnie leapt out of the police car and dashed around the corner.

Wade continued. "Now that you're out of camera range, this show should end and you should be transported into a new TV program of my choice. I'm also scanning for everyone's biosignatures, so when everyone is back together, I can get you all out at the same time."

Bonnie was beginning to calm down as she realized what was happening. "The sooner the better, Wade! And see if you can't put me in a show a little less embarrassing?"

"OK, I'm putting you into the studio audience of a sitcom that's being taped. You should be switching . . . now!" Wade pressed a button on his keyboard.

Bonnie reappeared in a new show, but not in the audience. She appeared to be in the wings just off of a stage where two dancers were just exiting. She looked down and noticed that she was now wearing a beautiful floor-length red satin dress. And standing right next to her was . . .

"I'm so sorry my dear, I hadn't planned on trapping you in the vortex as well, just that meddlesome Kimberly Ann." Wearing a black tuxedo, Dr. Drakken bowed slightly as he spoke.

Bonnie yelled, "Wade! I'm not in the audience, and that blue-skinned freak is standing right next to me!"

Wade was perplexed. "What? You're with Drakken? And the show looks like . . ."

An announcer began to speak. "Now let's welcome our next couple, Bonnie Rockwaller and Dr. Drakken, as they perform the tango on . . . _Dancing With The Scoundrels_!"

Wade was perplexed. "Something is seriously wrong here!"

"Ya' think? Get me out of here, Wade!" yelled Bonnie.

"Sorry, my controls are being overridden by another program more powerful than mine," Wade said apologetically.

Drakken spoke up. "Oh, that would be my Magnetronic Personality Analyzer. I designed it to scan the brainwaves of anyone entering the vortex, and place them in a show where they'd have the greatest chance of humiliation or injury. I just wasn't planning on being in the vortex _myself_ . . ."

"Bonnie, I've got to try and get a hold of Kim again! Hang in there, and good luck!" Wade cut the connection just as Bonnie began to scream again.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kim and Dr. Possible were getting ready for their next question.

Maribeth spoke. "OK, James and Kim, for $50,000, how many symphonies did Gustav Mahler complete before his death in 1911? Your choices are A) Eight, B) Nine, C) Ten, or D) Eleven. You have 45 seconds, and all of your lifelines are gone."

Kim and Dr. P looked at each other sadly. "Sorry Kim, but classical music isn't my forte, no pun intended."

Disappointed, Kim replied, "I don't know either, Dad. I guess we'll just have to walk."

Maribeth suddenly looked surprised. "James and Kim, this is highly unusual, but there's been a sudden rule change. You now have another 'Call-A-Friend' lifeline!"

"_Wade, you're a miracle worker!"_ Kim thought. "We'll use it now, Maribeth! We'd like to call Wade!"

Maribeth responded, "OK, let's get Wade on the line."

After one ring, Wade answered. "Kim! I've found Bonnie, but now she's with Drakken on _Dancing With The Scoundrels!_"

"Oh, no! Poor Bonnie . . ." Kim said.

Dr. P raised his eyebrows and replied, "Poor Bonnie? Poor _Drew_!"

"_Dad!_" Kim hissed.

Wade continued. "Anyway, Drakken said something about a Magnetronic Personality Analyzer, which is overriding my attempts at choosing the TV channels and pulling you all into the same show at the same time. I can only pull you all back if you're all in the same show. I'll get to the research center as soon as I can and see if I can work directly on the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer."

Kim smiled. "You totally rock, Wade!"

"Oh, and by the way, the answer is C), Ten. Mahler was superstitious about writing a ninth symphony because other composers like Beethoven had died after writing nine. So after composing his Eighth Symphony, he wrote a song cycle called _Das Lied von der Erde_, and _called_ it a symphony, but didn't number it. _Then_ he completed his ninth _numbered_ symphony, and started composing a tenth, but died before finishing it. He tried to tempt fate, but lost. Trick question, guys."

"You totally, _totally_ rock, Wade!" Kim beamed.

"Rock, Classical, it's all the same to me. Get it? Rock, Classical?" Wade snorted.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Now you're totally lame, Wade, but thanks anyway. Maribeth: C), Ten, final answer."

Maribeth smiled. "Wade was right, the answer is ten! You've won $50,000!" Suddenly a klaxon sounded, signaling the end of the game. "Well, that's all we have time for today, but tune in tomorrow for more _Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire!_"

Kim and Dr. P felt the scene fade before their eyes, which was quickly replaced by another scene as they reappeared in a new TV program. They heard a new announcer speaking.

"This is John Vogelsong, and we're down to the last three finalists for the funniest video of the year, on _America's Facetious Home Videos! _And the first of our three finalists is: "_Naked Mole Rat On A Sled_!"

A video played of Rufus sledding down a snow-covered mountain. Immediately behind him an avalanche was roaring down the slope, threatening to bury the hapless mole rat. As the avalanche caught up with him, Rufus looked behind him and exclaimed, "_Uh-oh!"_ Kim held her breath as the mountain of snow buried poor Rufus. But suddenly a little head popped up out of the fresh powder, and with his huge buckteeth in a wide grin, he exclaimed, "_I'm okay!"_ Kim visibly relaxed as the audience laughed.

"The next finalist is, "_Boy Loses Pants!"_ Kim was horrified as a montage began of just about every sitch in which Ron had ever lost his pants. It began with the time that his grappling gun ripped his pants off, and continued with the mountain climbing incident, as he hung precariously upside down suspended in midair and held up only by his pants around his ankles. The next one showed Ron at the Yamanouchi school, his deft use of a ninja stick accidentally removing his obi and reducing him down to his shorts. The clip ended with his most recent faux pas: changing back to normal size after having become a naco-induced mutant giant, his smaller frame allowed his torn and expanded pants to fall off. He sighed, "_Ron . . . lose . . . pants . . ."_ and collapsed into Kim's arms.

"And our last finalist is, "_Baby Takes A Bath!"_ The video rolled, and Kim blanched as she recognized herself when she was a very small child, happily splashing in the bathwater, naked as the day she was born. "_Oh . . . my . . . god . . ." _Kim exclaimed, as she quickly looked around for anything to hide under. "Dad, how _could_ you?! And on nationwide TV?!" she yelled.

"Sorry, Kim, but it looks like Drakken is to blame this time. Still, my little Kimmie-Cub is awfully cute!" The audience let out a huge _awwww _in agreement.

Kim just covered her face with her hands. "The most embarrassing moment in my life has just become . . . my _newest_ most embarrassing moment _ever_! When I get my hands on Drakken, he'll wish he'd never been _BORN!" _

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Wow. Sorry for the long chapter, but it's a real challenge to create new sitches and advance the plot without becoming too confusing. Next up, it's Bonnie and Drakken's turn at humiliation, and Shego is a guest on a famous home decorating show. Update hopefully by Friday. Enjoy!_


	7. Tango of Doom & Shego Turns The Tables

_Disclaimer: the Disney Corp owns Kim Possible. But it will be my honor to make American-style jokes about them._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bonnie and Dr. Drakken faced each other, moments away from dancing together on _Dancing With The Scoundrels._

"OK, Mr. Blue Skin . . ." huffed Bonnie.

"That's Dr. Drakken, if you please . . ." he weakly replied.

"What-_ever_. Do you know how to tango?" she demanded.

"Uh, I'm afraid I'm a little rusty . . ."

Bonnie shot him a disbelieving look.

"Er, actually no, not ever. Couldn't we do a nice cha-cha instead?"

Arms akimbo, Bonnie shot back, "Oh, that's just great! On national TV with a dance partner who can't tango, and we can't switch the dance because the band already has their music . . ." She thought for a moment, and then continued. "OK, here's your 30 second crash-course tango lesson, so listen up Mr. Blue Blacken. . ."

"That's Dr. Drakken . . ."

"What-_EVER!_ OK, the basic tango pattern is left foot forward, right foot forward, left-right-together. The timing is slow, slow, quick-quick-slow. Just think of the letters: T, A, N-G-O. You do the basic steps and I'll do the fancier ones. And _I'll_ lead: _understand?_ And if I lean back, hold on to me tight as you dip me. _Got that?_" Bonnie hissed.

"Nngh, I think so. But I'm an evil genius, not a dancer!" Dr. D complained.

"Well, just remember that this is all your fault! And if you embarrass me out there, so help me, I _WILL_ make you pay! Understand, Dr. Blue Dragon?" Bonnie warned.

"That's DRAK . . . oh, never mind," Dr. D said resignedly. "Why do I have a sense of impending doom about this . . ."

The stagehand then spoke. "Miss Rockwaller, Mr. Drakken, you're on . . ."

The audience's applause died down as the announcer began to speak. "Welcome to _Dancing With The Scoundrels!_ I'm your host, Tom Bergamot. Now, from Middleton High, please welcome Bonnie Rockwaller and her mad scientist dance partner, Dr. Drakken!" The audience applauded as they stepped onto the dance floor and into the spotlight.

With a rose firmly clenched between his teeth, Dr. Drakken pulled Bonnie into a dance hold. As the orchestra began and the strains of _La Cumparsita_ were heard, they began to move across the floor. The sharp rhythms of the accordion and the syncopated rolls of the snare drum were offset by the sensuous harmonies of the violins. But Drakken's dancing was anything but sensuous, as he accidentally began with his right foot instead of his left, stepping on Bonnie's foot.

"Ow! Left foot first, you jerk, not right!"

"Ungh, sorry!"

Finally on the correct foot, Drakken jerkily moved forward, looking ever so much like Frankenstein's monster as he and Bonnie clumsily moved across the dance floor. Bonnie opened up their hold and attempted to move around Drakken's left, but he managed to step on her dress as she swung around. A ripping sound was heard as Bonnie's dress was torn from the bottom all the way to her upper thigh.

"You idiot! Watch where you're stepping!"

"Sorry, trying to count here . . ."

The audience was beginning to chuckle as their dance went from bad to worse. Bonnie leaned back as Drakken tried to dip her, but he lost his balance, dropping Bonnie ignominiously onto her behind. Bonnie yelled _"You jerk!"_ and shot him a very dirty look as she quickly got up.

Getting back into their dance hold, she tried to pivot in front of him while simultaneously bringing her right leg up to perform a small kick. But instead of bringing his feet together, he stepped forward with his left as Bonnie accidentally kneed him in the groin.

"Oops! Sorry!" she apologized.

Wincing in pain, he struggled to continue, but only managed to step on the torn part of Bonnie's dress, this time ripping the damaged material completely off. The audience broke out in guffaws as Bonnie looked down at the remains of her dress, which now bore more of a resemblance to a miniskirt than a ballroom gown.

Deeply blushing now and hoping to salvage at least some of her pride, Bonnie decided to improvise. Adding in a few cheerleading moves, she moved around Drakken and executed a perfect backward flip, followed by a high kick. Unfortunately, Drakken chose this moment to move to the left instead of the right. Bonnie's kick connected squarely with his jaw, knocking him out cold as he collapsed into a heap on the floor.

As the music wound to a close, the audience was now in stitches and nearly rolling in the aisles with laughter.

Bonnie leaned over Drakken, slapping him gently in an attempt to revive him. "Sorry! I'm so sorry! Please wake up, Mr. Blue Guy!"

Drakken began to come to. "Ungh . . . what happened?" he mumbled groggily.

After wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, the host helped Bonnie get Dr. Drakken to his feet. "That . . . that was an amazing performance, you two! Let's go to our judges now for their reaction. First let's hear from Carrie Anne Wasabi."

The lovely judge looked non-plussed as she began. "That was probably the worst tango I've ever seen. How did you two even get on this program? Bonnie, you have some potential, but Dr. Drakken . . . well, you're just hopeless. I'm giving you a "2" for your determination to complete the dance, if for nothing else."

As the audience quietly booed the first judge, Drakken was melting under Bonnie's withering glare. The host said, "Ooh, a bit harsh. Let's see what our next judge, Ben Goodfellow has to say."

The distinguished-looking judge wrapped his thumbs in his coat lapel as he passed judgment. "That was _definitely_ the worst tango I've seen in my entire life. I can only hope that your humiliating performance today will encourage you to never set foot on a dance floor ever again. I'm only giving you a "1" because the scoring system doesn't permit me to give you a zero."

The audience booed and hissed even louder, as Drakken began to look even more uncomfortable. Bonnie was now almost beside herself with anger. The host laughed nervously. "Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that. And now for our last judge, Bruno Cannoli."

The young judge was smiling broadly as he began his comments. "That performance was simply amazing! And I must respectfully disagree with our first two judges: no one could possibly be that bad without doing it on purpose. Your comic timing was spot on for the entire time, and you didn't let up once! An incredible effort! I'm giving you a 10!"

The audience burst into cheers and spontaneous applause. Drakken mumbled, "Well, _heh-heh_, at least the audience enjoyed it." Bonnie was only slightly mollified as the scene began to fade into the next program.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shego had appeared just off stage of what looked like a cooking show. The hostess was already on the set and had begun speaking.

"Hello, and welcome to _Marta Stewert: Living_. Today I'll be showing you how to build a cold fusion reactor out of old twine and pinecones, but first we have a special treat. From the enormously successful bakery, Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes, please welcome their Chief Operating Officer for Random Mayhem, Miss Sheila Go."

The studio audience applauded politely as Shego walked onto the set. But as soon as Marta and Shego saw each other, they froze. Marta's smile vanished.

"Shego . . ." Marta whispered.

"Marta . . ." Shego sneered.

The tension between the two was thick enough to cut with a knife. If there were any two women in the world who could be called alpha females, it would be Shego and Marta, and the sparks could soon be flying.

Shego smiled as she thought to herself, "_Time to turn the tables on Drakken's Personality Analyzer, and deliver some payback while I'm at it." _

Marta quickly regained her composure and addressed the audience. "Shego . . . uh, Miss Go and I were . . . roommates together once."

Shego added, "You mean _cellmates_, don't you Marta?" The audience gasped. "And how have you been since our little incarceration? Any hot stock tips you can share to help me build my portfolio?"

Several _oohs_ were heard from the audience.

Controlling her irritation, Marta responded, "No, although I can certainly share a few things with you about manner and etiquette. But today I'd like to focus on the extraordinary success of Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes."

"Of course, Marta." Shego purred. "And I'd also like to share some tips with you on how to know when your goose is cooked."

Ignoring the jab, Marta continued. "Tell me, would you attribute your success more to the delicious cupcake recipe, or to the brilliant marketing campaign that made Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes an overnight success?"

"Oh, a little of both, really. Although I can't share the exact recipe with you, I _did_ bring a palatable crow recipe you might be interested in," Shego cattily replied. "And I really improved the morale of our staff with some interior decorating tips I learned from you! You sure brightened up our drab cell block with color, and you also managed to find some drapes that didn't clash with the window bars!"

More chuckles were heard from the audience, and Marta was becoming visibly upset.

Marta took a deep breath to maintain control. "But the success of Hank's Cupcakes was short-lived. Can you tell us what happened?"

"Sure. Things were going pretty well, until Dr. Drakken used the profits to build a weather machine in yet another failed attempt at taking over the world. But even _that _might have worked if it weren't for little Miss Priss and her dopey sidekick accidentally blowing up the whole place, so we had to put the whole thing into the 'Half-Baked Ideas That Leave A Bitter Taste' file."

"What a shame," Marta replied sarcastically.

Shego cheerfully responded, "But it looks like you're doing well! I just saw your new fall line at Smarty-Mart: I just _know_ that orange jumpsuit ensemble is going to be a hit!"

Marta glared at Shego and yelled, "_That does it!"_ With a maniacal look on her face, she suddenly turned to the audience. "Next on _Marta Stewert Living_, I'll show you how to prepare a delicious Shego Soufflé, diced and minced!" Marta grabbed a large kitchen knife and lunged at Shego, who did a back flip, landing on the kitchen counter.

"In a moment it's gonna be Marta Stewert: _Dying!_ Try my 'Roast Marta' on for size, you witch!" Shego lit up her hands and fired off a plasma bolt at Marta, but Marta quickly deflected the shot with a skillet cover, the bolt striking one of the cameras in a shower of sparks.

As Marta pressed her attack, she yelled, "Removing pesky blood stains from prison garb is easily done with cold water and a bit of detergent!"

Shego fired off several more plasma bolts as she taunted, "When we were in prison, Marta, my shiv was more lethal, but yours definitely had the most comfortable, easy-to-grip handle! And next time you're in the slammer, maybe you can show us how to make license plates out of used kitchen utensils!" And with one more well aimed shot, she scored a direct hit on the hapless hostess.

As Marta collapsed to the floor, she closed the segment by saying, "Prison: it's _not_ a good thing."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, there's never a dull moment in Dr. D's whacked-out world! Next up, Ron's worst nightmare comes true. Update on Monday. Enjoy!_


	8. Planet of the Chimps

_Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. Note serious face . . ._

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ron opened his eyes and quickly realized that he was in a new program. Just as quickly, he realized that he had once again lost his pants, his Fearless Ferret boxers flapping gently in the breeze.

"Oh, _man_ . . . this tanks!" Ron looked around and noticed that grassland and sparse vegetation extended as far as the hills that that he could see in the distance. He appeared to be on a trail of some kind.

"Hmm. A western maybe?" Ron thought out loud to himself. As if on cue, thundering hoofbeats could be heard approaching. "Uh-oh. Good guys or bad guys?" The horses came over the rise, and the riders could now be seen. Fear gripped his heart as recognition set in. He yelled, "Gorillas? On horseback?! _Bad monkeys!_ _VERY BAD MONKEYS!!"_

Ron began running for cover, but they had already spotted him. As they got closer, he could see that they were both clothed and armed. Outflanking him on both sides, they quickly surrounded him. One of the apes fired a net gun, bringing Ron crashing to the ground. Another ape fired a knockout dart. As Ron lapsed into unconsciousness, he thought, "Monkeys . . . I _hate_ these guys . . ."

When he awoke, Ron found himself inside a cage with a dirt floor, loose straw carelessly thrown about. He was bound and gagged, and had suffered a few scrapes and bruises, but was otherwise unharmed. Three simians were observing him. The largest looked like an orangutan, and spoke to the other two, which appeared to be large chimpanzees.

"It looks like the human is awake, Coriolanus."

Coriolanus replied, "Yes, Dr. Zayus, but note that this human looks much more advanced than the mutants we've captured before."

The third, a female, then spoke. "Yes! Also note his peculiar clothing: small weasels adorn his shorts. Perhaps to honor one of his deities?"

Dr. Zayus waved his hand dismissively. "Dr. Zita, when will you ever learn not to anthropomorphize these creatures? If you've seen one human, you've seen them all." He approached Ron, whose stomach began to growl. Ron had managed to wriggle one finger free, and to express his hunger he wrote the word _"NACO"_ in the dirt.

Dr. Zayus looked surprised at Ron's attempt to communicate. He quickly wiped the word away and spoke to the others as he hurriedly left the room. "The human looks hungry. Feed him. We'll begin the experimentation this afternoon."

Ron gulped as he imagined what experiments might be performed on him.

Dr. Zita spoke. "I'll take care of him, Coriolanus." Bringing some food, she entered the cage and removed the gag from Ron's mouth.

Ron said, "Thanks. That was really starting to hurt."

She jumped back. "You can speak?"

He replied, "Of course I can. My name's Ron. Uh, what kind of place is this anyway?"

"This is our laboratory. I'm a scientist doing research on humans, and Coriolanus is an archaeologist. Here, eat this." She handed him a banana. The irony didn't escape him.

Zita continued to look at him with growing interest. "Oh, you're hurt! Let me get some ointment for your cuts and scrapes." She began gently applying salve to his injuries. "You're a magnificent specimen! So big and strong . . ." She began gently massaging his shoulders and arms. Ron was becoming a little uncomfortable. "Such powerful legs, too . . ." She began to tenderly rub his stomach. "And your scent is so . . . so exhilarating!" Ron was starting to sweat. "Tell me, Ron, do humans have unique mating rituals?"

Ron suddenly realized what was happening. "Stop pawing me! Your hands are dirty!" he yelled, scooting away as quickly as possible. "I've already got a girlfriend!"

"Dr. Zita! Stop that!" Coriolanus commanded. "If you're quite finished, we have work to do at the archaeological site."

Zita pouted, "But Coriolanus, we can't leave him here alone! You know Dr. Zayus will want to dissect him." A moment of panic hit Ron. "And . . . he's so _cute_!" Cringing at Zita's attentions, Ron wasn't sure which fate would be worse.

Coriolanus rolled his eyes. "All right, we'll bring him along. Besides, there's something I discovered there that your pet human may be able to help us identify."

After freeing Ron from his bonds, they all proceeded to the archaeological dig located in the Forbidden Place, a desolate location off-limits to all but a few apes.

"Here, Ron. Take a look at this artifact I discovered yesterday. Do you recognize it at all?" Coriolanus offered him what looked like a tiny toy robot.

"Wow! It's a Little Diablo! I wonder if it still works?" Ron flipped a switch, and it sprang to life. He put it down on the ground, and it began to walk and talk, saying _Konichiwa! Konichiwa!_

Coriolanus was astounded. "This is incredible! It proves that humans were once intelligent beings, possessing both manufacturing capability and the ability to speak!"

"Wait a minute," Ron said. "If this is a Little Diablo, then this must be . . ." He looked up, and saw something that looked familiar in the distance. He started walking toward it.

"What will he find out there, Doctor?" asked Coriolanus.

"His lunch," replied Zita.

Wandering a bit farther, he saw an ancient, half-buried building. It was shaped like a huge Mexican sombrero, and its roof was fractured with age. A sign adorned its exterior. It was still legible, though barely, and it read, "Bueno Nacho #1."

Ron was stunned. "Oh my gosh. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was . . . We finally really did it. _You maniacs! You blew it up! Darn you! Gol darn you all to heck!_"

Ron pounded the brittle ground, which fractured under his blows. A small hole appeared, and inside the hole was a small cache of Diablo Hot Sauce packets, labeled "Extra Hot." Ron opened one and sampled it.

"Wow. This stuff really _does_ keep for a long time!"

____________________________________________________________________________________

_Now, you all knew I'd have to throw Ron and monkeys together into this story sooner or later. What better than a planet full of them! Either that, or lawn ornaments . . . And in case you were wondering, yes, I know the Little Diablos never said "konichiwa," but I needed to have them speak so that the parody of the original movie would fit a little better. _

_Next up, Shego sues Drakken on court TV, and the justice system will never be the same . . . _


	9. Judgment At Middleton

_Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. Celebrity parodies are ok under free use rules; so don't sue me, please? (Note puppy-dog pout.)_

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shego and Dr. Drakken found themselves in a courtroom, awaiting the arrival of the judge. The audience mulled about restlessly, staring at the two and speaking to each other in hushed tones.

Shego spoke first. "Well, what new fresh hell is this?"

Drakken seemed perplexed, which was of course normal, considering the circumstances. "I – I don't know, Shego. But it seems unusual that neither of us are shackled."

"Yeah, and I don't see the usual SWAT team armed to the teeth to guard us," she replied.

"Yes, I remember that courtroom you leveled once," he chuckled.

Music began to play, a jazzy rendition of Beethoven's Fifth. The announcer began to speak.

"_Real Cases! Real Villains! Judgin' Judith!"_

"Oh, snap," whispered Dr. D.

The bailiff spoke. "Order! All rise."

Judge Judith swept into the courtroom and sat down at the bench as the audience was seated. She took a quick look at the two villains who stood before her. Dr. D took the opportunity to speak first.

"How are you today, your honor?"

"Don't ask me how I'm doing. Bailiff, I wasn't aware we allowed aliens in court."

"But I'm not an alien, your honor. I was born here in the US."

"Dr. D, I think she means _extraterrestrial_."

"Oh, my blue skin color? No, I'm human, your honor. You see, it happened on a Tuesday . . ."

"Never mind, let's just proceed please. And what's your excuse, Miss . . ."

"Shego."

"All right, Miss Shego."

"No, just Shego."

"Don't contradict me. Why are you green?"

"Hit by a comet, your honor."

"A Ford Comet?"

"No, from outer space."

"So you ARE an extraterrestrial."

"No, only the comet. I was born in Go City."

The judge quietly put her head in her hands as she mumbled, "I can tell it's going to be one of those days . . ." She directed her attention back to the two villains and continued.

"All right, we'll proceed on the assumption that both of you are . . . human, and US citizens. This case has been brought against Mr. Lipsky by Miss Shego for overdue payment of wages for services rendered from 2002 to the present. Miss Shego, please begin by explaining the nature of the working relationship."

"Yes, your honor. Dr. Drak . . . uh, Mr. Lipsky is a . . . uh, scientist, and I'm his, uh, assistant."

The judge fixed Shego with an icy cold stare. "Don't lie to me, young lady. You lie to me and I'll wipe up the floor with you. Don't think I don't recognize Dr. Drakken, and that makes you his henchwoman."

"Yes your honor, but I do have an employment contract with him at present."

"Oh, puhleeze! Are you kidding me? And does this contract spell out exact duties?"

"Not exactly. Mainly only hours, wages and benefits."

"Mainly? And you're telling me it doesn't spell out specific illegal activities, which would make you an accomplice and an accessory in his attempts to take over the world?"

"That's correct."

"Baloney!"

"But if you'll check the contract . . .

"This is outrageous!"

"Now _wait_ a minute . . ."

"Do NOT throw the bull at me!"

"THAT does it!" Shego fired up one glove.

"Shut down that plasma right now, young lady! I'll have none of that in my courtroom! You mess around with me, and I'll mop the floor up with you worse than anyone else has ever tackled you! We follow each other?"

Shego and the judge stared fiercely at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither daring to blink. The audience held their breath in rapt attention, frozen with fear about what would happen next.

Slowly, Shego lowered her hand and extinguished the flame. The judge continued.

"Good call. This is a case of who's got the most attitude. And right now that's _me_."

Drakken poorly chose this moment to speak up.

"Uh, your honor . . ."

"Sir, you want to say something to me? You _sure_ you want to say something to me?"

"Nngh . . ."

"_Nngh_ is not an answer."

"Er, no, actually . . ."

"Have you ever heard of me?"

"Well, I used to watch you occassionally on cable when I was in Cell Block D."

"And if you would have watched me more frequently, you would have never been here today."

"But if you'll allow me to explain . . ."

"Are you trying to justify that you're an idiot?"

"Well, that's a bit harsh . . ."

"Do you come from a long line of idiots?"

"Uh, no, I actually almost graduated from college, your honor. Taking over the world has always been, well, kind of a hobby of mine, and I've always considered myself as an idea person."

"Dumb ideas come from people who have dumb brains."

"But I've almost succeeded several times . . ."

"So you admit you've done this ridiculous thing."

"Well, _heh-heh_, I wouldn't exactly say _ridiculous_ . . ."

"Don't tell me you didn't. Either you're playing dumb, or it's not an act."

"I admit that it can get rather . . . expensive . . . in trying to take over the world, and the assets to pay Shego for her services do get a bit thin at times, but this humiliation you're putting me through . . ."

"You've tried to take over the world, failed countless times, and you think I'm not going to humiliate you in front of 10 million people? This is my joy in life. Now, aren't you sorry you made a fool of yourself? Sit down!"

Rendered speechless, Drakken sat down with an air of defeat, resigned to a fate he had unwittingly brought upon himself.

"And you, Miss Shego. You think your looks and your powers are ultimately going to get you anywhere? Just remember: beauty fades, but dumb is forever."

"Well, I . . ."

"Whoa. You speak, I rule, and then you shut up."

With a shocked look on her face, Shego's mouth hung open. Like Drakken, and for nearly the first time in her life, she was also speechless. The judge gruffly continued.

"Now. I've reviewed the contract, and I'm convinced both of its validity as an employer/employee document, and the lack of any overtly specific requirements to commit any kind of crime. And in spite of any circumstantial evidence to the contrary, there are presently no outstanding warrants for Miss Shego, so I'm ruling in favor of the plaintiff. Court dismissed." The judge banged her gavel.

The bailiff then spoke, "Parties are excused, you may step out."

The audience breathed a sigh of relief as Shego and Drakken walked unsteadily towards the exit.

As they left the courtroom, the judge commented to the bailiff, "Other normal people lead happy moral lives and give birth to happy, moral offspring. I'd hate to see the spawn of _that_ relationship."

Outside the courtroom, Drakken was approached by an interviewer. "Mr. Lipsky, are you disappointed with the outcome?"

He frowned as he answered, "Nngh, yes, but that was to be expected. I've had serious cash flow problems ever since losing my cupcake business, that's all. But I'm just happy to have made it out of that court in one piece."

The interviewer then turned his attention toward Shego. "And Miss Shego: you won, but Judge Judith sure put you through the wringer. How do you feel about it?"

Shego lit up both hands and thoroughly blasted the interviwer. "There, now I feel great!" she remarked cheerfully. She continued to smile as she walked up to Drakken.

"Well Dr. D, I hadn't planned on this little diversion, but maybe now you'll pay up so we can put this all behind us."

He sighed, "Of course, Shego, I just wish it hadn't come to this. But just remember, every journey begins with a single step."

"Yeah, but in your case, it's usually right off a cliff."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wade had made it to the research center as quickly as he could and was inspecting the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer. He frowned at what he saw.

"Wow, what a mess. It may be awhile before I can sort out all these wires and extra devices. I better check in with Bonnie."

Wade flipped open his Kimmunicator and reached Bonnie immediately. "Bonnie! It's Wade."

Bonnie was obviously still in a snit. "Well it's about time, computer geek! When are you getting me out of here? I was humiliated while dancing with that blue freak, and I just finished a shampoo commercial!"

Wade asked, "What was wrong with the shampoo commercial? They usually have beautiful girls on them, don't they?"

Bonnie petulantly responded, "Yeah, but they only used me for the BEFORE picture, not the AFTER! Oooh! That made me SO mad! At least Dr. P got to be used for both before and after on that 'Just For Guys' hair color commercial." Then she smiled wickedly. "And do you think you can get me a copy of Kim's pimple cream commercial? The rest of the cheer squad will just _die_ when they see that one!"

Wade hesitated. "Uh, I'll see what I can do, Bonnie, but I really need to try to get all you guys together. Hold on, I'm picking up Kim on a Horizon Wiredless commercial." Wade put Bonnie on split-screen as he attempted to connect with Kim. "Kim! Can you hear me now?"

Kim smirked, "Very funny, Wade. What's the sitch?"

"I'm at the research facility and trying to download the schematic for the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, and cross-reference with the specs for the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer on my portable laptop. There's primary, secondary and tertiary encryption here at the lab, and I'm trying to hack the HenchCo site for the Analyzer's specs. But it's virtually impossible to decrypt, hack, download and sync all at the same time, and . . . GOT IT! Okay, with a little luck I think I can get you, your Dad and Bonnie into the same program. But I don't know where Ron, Rufus, Drakken and Shego are."

"Wade, you still have Ron microchipped, don't you?" Kim asked.

"Kim! You know that's been outlawed in 24 states and the District of Columbia!" Wade replied.

"But it's still legal in Colorado, right?" reminded Kim.

"Yeah, all right . . ." he conceded.

"Please and thank you!" she chirped.

"All right, Kim, I've made a few adjustments. I can't promise anything, but here goes . . ."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Poor Drakken can't seem to get a break, can he? And Shego ironically gets the legal system to work in her favor, while learning that discretion truly is the better part of valour, especially when back wages are on the line. So what lies ahead for our intrepid band? Stay tuned, same Ferret time, same Ferret station!_


	10. The Fundamental Sitch Applies

_Disclaimer: The Disney Corp. is owned by Kim Possible, not me. Or was that the other way around?_

* * *

_It was a time of confusion, and many eyes imprisoned in this sitch turned hopefully toward freedom in the Real World. But not everybody could get there directly, and a convoluted trail sprang up, ending this time in Casanaco. Here, the fortunate ones, through technology, Wade's influence or luck, might obtain an exit device and scurry back to Reality. But the others wait in Casanaco . . . and wait . . . and wait . . . and wait._

Over the loudspeaker in Ron's Café Mexicain, a voice announced, "To all employees: a delivery boy carrying important technology has been robbed. The thief may be headed for Casanaco. Round up the usual suspects. Major Drakken, this means you."

Dressed smartly in a field-gray uniform of military cut, Major Drakken sulked at one of the tables. "Arrgh! That technology was mine in the first place, until that naked mole thing absconded with it. But I better lay low, or else that meddlesome Captain Peugeot might take me in for questioning." He finished his meal and left through the side door.

At that moment, Captain Peugeot entered the front of the café, accompanied by the restaurant's owner and manager, Ron Stoppable. It was a relief to be out of the blazing North African sun, but it was only slightly cooler inside, where large ceiling fans spun lazily around in a futile attempt to cool the hot café.

"Ron, what in heaven's name has brought you here to Casanaco?"

Ron answered, "My health. I came here for the water."

Captain Peugeot looked surprised. "Water? What water? You only serve soda here!"

"I was misinformed," Ron replied sardonically.

Ned, the waiter on duty, approached them. "There's someone waiting for you in your office, Ron."

Ron excused himself. "Pardon me, Captain: duty calls."

Ron walked into his office, and was immediately overjoyed to see who his visitor was.

"Rufus! Buddy!" he exclaimed.

The naked mole rat was every bit as excited to finally see his owner and closest friend again. He began chattering away, not in his usual unintelligible mole rat language, but in heavily accented English.

"Ron! Ron! You've got to HELP me! I need you to hide this very important device!"

"That wouldn't happen to be the device stolen from that delivery boy, would it, you little scamp?" Ron queried.

With a devilish look in his eye, Rufus answered, "I'm sure I wouldn't know, eh-heh, eh-heh-heh, EH-HEH-HEH-HEH!"

Ron looked over the device. "Hey, this is Drakken's Compiler of Transit! We can get out of this sitch as soon as . . . uh oh. No batteries?" Ron asked.

"No batteries," Rufus sadly replied.

Ron sighed. "Well, I'll keep it here for safe-keeping. Maybe Wade can figure out what to do with it."

Meanwhile, two more people had entered the restaurant. One was a handsome young man of muscular build, the other a strikingly beautiful redhead.

Ned gasped as he recognized them. "Kim! Eric! What are you two doing here? I thought you two had broken up nearly a year ago! And Eric, I read five times that you were killed, in five different places!"

Eric Syntho offered a wan smile, as he replied, "As you can see, it was true every single time." Kim however had a look of barely concealed sadness. She said, "Good to see you, Ned. Could you give us a booth please?"

As they sat down, she wistfully asked, "Play it, Ned. For old times sake."

"Uh, I don't know what you mean, Kim," he lied.

"Play it again, Ned. Play "As Time Flies By."

Ned sighed, and reluctantly put a coin into the jukebox. The strains of the song began.

_You must remember this  
A Miss is still a Miss  
On Kim you can rely . . .  
The fundamental sitch applies  
As time flies by_

_And when high schoolers woo,  
They still say I love you,  
And then some nachos buy . . .  
No matter what's the future sitch  
As time flies by . . ._

Ron rushed into the room, anger etched on his face. "Ned, I thought I told you never to play . . ." Ron stopped short as he saw Kim, and Eric.

"Hello, Ron," Kim said hesitantly.

"Hello, Kim, hello Eric," Ron tersely replied.

Eric quickly excused himself, saying, "I have some things to attend to, Kim, so I'll catch up with you later." He kissed her on the forehead and left.

Looking more beautiful than Ron had ever seen her before, Kim began softly. "I didn't know you'd be here, Ron. The last time we met . . ."

"Was at the Research Center," he finished.

"How nice, you remembered. But of course, that was the day Drakken marched into my dad's lab."

"Not an easy day to forget. I remember every detail: Drakken wore blue, you wore purple. So tell me, Kim, why _did_ you come to Casanaco?"

"I wouldn't have come if I'd known you were here. Believe me, Ron, it's true I didn't know . . ."

"It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. _Ron, darling, I'll go with you anywhere, we'll get on your scooter together and never stop _. . ." The sarcasm in Ron's voice matched his sardonic expression.

"Please don't, Ron! I understand how you feel," she pleaded.

"You understand how I feel," he scoffed. "How long did we have, Kimmie?"

Kim was on the verge of tears. "I . . . I didn't count the days . . ."

Angrily, he continued. "Well, I did. Every one of them. Mostly I remember the last one: the wild finish. A guy standing in his Fearless Ferret boxers on The Planet Of The Chimps with a comical look on his face because his insides have been burned out by 1000-year-old hot sauce."

"Can I tell you a story, Ron?" Kim meekly asked.

"Does it have a wild finish?"

"I don't know the finish yet. But it's about a girl who had just gone to her Junior Prom, with a boy who, for the first time in her life, had opened up for her a beautiful world full of love and ideals. And she had a feeling she supposed was love, but then, she lost him . . . and then, by a miracle, he reappeared back in her life, and with a plan to escape Drakken's trap . . ."

"Yeah, it's real pretty," he said sarcastically. "I heard a story once. It went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing Hearts and Flowers: '_Mister, I had a naked mole rat once when I was kid'_ . . ." He laughed bitterly. "Well, I guess neither of our stories are very funny. Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Eric, or were there others in between sitches . . . or, aren't you the kind who tells?"

Now in tears, Kim quietly left. Knowing he'd once again said all the wrong things, Ron put his face in his hands.

Ned walked up to him and asked, "You okay, Ron?"

"You know what I want to hear. Play it, Ned," he mumbled.

"You sure, Ron?"

"You played it for her, you can play it for me!" he yelled.

Ned sighed as he put another coin in the jukebox. The song began again.

_You must remember this  
A Miss is still a Miss  
On Kim you can rely . . .  
The fundamental sitch applies  
As time flies by . . ._

"Of all the taco joints, in all the movies in all the world, and she walks into mine . . ."

* * *

Later that night, many more customers had arrived at Ron's Café Mexicain. It was Friday, and that meant one thing: karaoke.

Major Drakken was of course a regular Friday night patron. He walked over to Ron for some not-quite-so-friendly banter.

"Tell, me, uh . . ." Drakken scratched his head as he tried to remember Ron's name.

"The name's Ron," he said acidly.

"Tell me, _Ron_, are you one of those people who can't imagine me invading their beloved Middleton?" smiled Drakken.

"It's not particularly my beloved Middleton," Ron replied nonchalantly.

"Can you imagine me in Upperton?" Drakken queried.

Ron laconically responded, "When you get there, ask me."

Drakken continued to press. "How about Lowerton?"

Ron smiled. "Well, there are certain sections of Lowerton, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try and invade."

Major Drakken frowned and headed for a table.

Captain Peugeot spoke to the waiter. "Ned, see that Major Drakken gets a good table, one close to the ladies."

Ned replied, "I've already given him the best table: knowing he's a villain, he would have taken it anyway."

Once settled, Major Drakken and his cronies began belting out the _Drakken Rap_, much to the chagrin of the other clientèle.

_Yo, yo, yo...  
I Used To Be Drew  
One Day I Turned Blue  
As a suede shoe or berry  
it makes me look scary  
Then I ponytail my hair... Eee..._

_Got me a nasty scar  
and a funky-fresh flying car  
so Drew be Dr. Drakken  
so quit that yappin'  
Think I'm out? HA! I'm Backin'!_

Major Drakken's garrulous display was attracting looks of indignation from the audience. Ron had noticed, and knew exactly what to do. Giving Ned the high-sign, another song began to play over Drakken's singing.

_Yo', listen up, have a howler from Ron.  
'Naked Mole Rap' is the name of the song.  
Here's a story in all it's glory.  
Ain't hidin' nothin', don't know what the truth is how Ron met Rufus.  
Never heard a cat bark,  
Never heard a puppy purr,  
My dad's allergic to every kind of fur.  
So I surfed for hairless pets on the internet,  
Saw a jpeg of a pink thing...  
Gonna need sunscreen!_

Not to be outdone, Major Drakken cranked up the volume.

_My lippy Sidekick Shego  
She kicks me in my ego  
got the freaky glowing hands  
Mocks my super-genius plans  
makes me do my defeat dance..._

_Had dreams to rule the world  
or build a better robot girl  
all end in rejection  
so after some inspection  
I've turned my career in another direction!_

But Ron wasn't done yet, and other customers began to join him in song.

_What is that? That freaky thing?  
(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)  
Come on y'all, let the girlies sing!  
(Listen to the naked mole rap!)  
Uh huh! What is that? That freaky thing?  
(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)  
Hey, wait, I can't hear the girls sing!  
(Listen to the naked mole rap!)_

Major Drakken's crowd was getting ugly. And they weren't that good looking to begin with. He pumped up the volume even more.  
_  
__Thanks to an "all-that" teen  
Mr. Mean is squeaky clean  
But my face is still blue  
tell you what I can do  
sell y'all some freaky shampoo..._

_Lather, Rinse & Obey  
It's time to wash your hair today!  
You may think I'm a villain  
no, I'm just chillin'  
let me hear you say..._

But there were more customers joining in, singing with all the intensity they could muster and drowning out Drakken with almost patriotic fervor.

_We've heard of Bueno Nacho, chimerito and a naco.  
Always grande size it. Why not? I'm buyin'!  
Rufus in my pocket, you can't stop it, can't top it,  
Don't drop it, you might just pop it!  
Rufus and Ron Stoppable with our best friend: Kim Possible.  
We're not afraid of any attack.  
I say "Yo, KP, we've got your back!"_

Drakken's volume was now maxed out, and he was clearly losing the musical battle.

_Lather, Rinse & Obey  
I'm a player just playin' his play . . . _

**Can I get a boo-yah?  
(Boo-yah!)  
**_  
My product's in a rap song  
Time to get your wash on . . ._

**Oh, can I get a boo-yah?  
(Boo-yah!)  
**_  
With Dr. D's Brain Washing Shampoo, _

_**Come on y'all it's the naked mole rap!**_

_And Cranium Rinse..._

_**Listen to the naked mole rap!**_

By now the entire room was on its feet, lines drawn and sides taken. A full fledged riot was about to break out, when suddenly Captain Peugeot jumped onto a table and fiercely blew his police whistle. Everyone froze.

The Captain yelled, "This restaurant is now closed until further notice!"

Obviously irritated at this turn of events, Ron growled, "On what grounds?"

"Vermin!" the Captain replied. "I'm shocked to find that there's vermin in this restaurant! This is a violation of the health code!"

Rufus, who was filling in as a waiter, scurried up to the Captain. "Your order, sir!"

"Why, thank you," he quietly answered, taking a big bite of his nachos.

The restaurant slowly began to vacate, the immediate crisis having been defused. After asking Ned and Rufus to clean up, Ron went back to his office. Kim was waiting for him, a look of desperation in her eyes.

"Ron, you've got to let us have the Compiler of Transit. I know you have it, but it's useless without the battery pack. And you now know that Eric and I are fugitives in this this sitch. Eric has managed to find a battery pack in Lisbon that should work, but we need the device to take with us. Please, Ron?"

"No deal, sweetheart. Rufus and I will be needing that device when we leave Casanaco tomorrow," Ron curtly replied.

Kim pleaded, "Oh Ron, please? Please try to put aside your feelings for a moment and look at the bigger picture?" She gave him the biggest Puppy-Dog Pout she could muster.

But Ron remained resolute. "That would have worked once, KP, but not any more. Still no deal."

Kim suddenly pulled a gun out and aimed it at Ron. "I'm . . . I'm sorry Ron, but I'm desperate. Give me the Compiler!"

Ron didn't bat an eye has he replied, "Go ahead and shoot, Kimmie. You'll be doing us both a favor. Just don't shoot me in the heart: it's my least vulnerable spot."

Tears began to form in Kim's eyes as she began to waver. Breaking into sobs, she dropped the gun on the floor.

Choked with emotion, she lamented, "Ron, I can't fight it anymore. I ran away from you once, I can't do it again. . . Oh, I don't know what's right any longer. You have to think for both of us. For _all_ of us . . ."

Ron pulled Kim into a warm embrace.

"All right, I will. Here's lookin' at you, Kim." All animosity having evaporated, he kissed her deeply and tenderly.

Through her tears, Kim smiled. "I wish I didn't love you so much."

"Just remember Kim, we'll always have Middleton."

* * *

It was near the sunset of next day, and Kim had arrived at Ron's Café Mexicain, per his instructions. She looked quickly around to make sure she hadn't been followed. She entered Ron's office, where he was waiting.

They looked at each other silently for a moment. Then Ron spoke. "Kim, I've done a lot of thinking since last night. I've got the Compiler of Transit right here, and . . ."

Captain Peugeot, who had hidden himself behind a curtain, suddenly appeared and said, "I'll take that." He was very pleased with himself that he had taken them both by surprise. He motioned for them to sit down. "There will be no flight to Lisbon for either of you tonight. And Kim, both you and Eric are under arrest for the attack on that delivery boy. And the Compiler of Transit will be returned to its rightful owner, Major Drakken."

Ron suddenly pulled a gun on the Captain.

"Have you lost your mind?" the Captain exclaimed.

Ron said, "I have. Now sit down!"

"Put that gun down!" yelled the Captain.

"I don't want to shoot you, but I will if you take one more step!" Ron growled.

Captain Peugeot smiled. "Under the circumstances, I will sit down."

Ron ordered, "Now fill out the delivery receipt for the Compiler of Transit. That'll make everything official."

"You think of everything, don't you?" the Captain dryly said.

"And fill in the names of Eric Syntho and Kim Possible," Ron commanded.

A look of surprise appeared on both the faces of Kim and the Captain.

Kim stammered, "But Ron, I thought that last night you had decided that we'd . . ."

Ron quickly said, "Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Eric where you belong."

Kim began to tear up. "But, Ron, no, I..."

Ron continued urgently. "Now, you've got to listen to me! Do you have any idea what we'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances in ten, we'd both wind up in prison. Isn't that right, Captain?"

"I'm afraid Major Drakken would insist," he sardonically replied.

"You're only saying this to make me go," Kim sobbed.

"I'm saying it only because it's true," continued Ron. "Inside of us, we both know you belong with Eric. If that plane leaves and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even the day after tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life."

Kim breathlessly replied, "But what about us? I said I'd never leave you again."

"We'll always have Middleton. We lost it until you came to Casanaco. We got it back last night. Kim, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a can of refried beans in this crazy sitch. Someday you'll understand that," Ron explained.

Tears began to flow down Kim's cheek. Ron wiped them away and smiled as he said, "There there, now . . . Here's looking at you, Kim."

The violins soared as the theme for "As Time Flies By" was heard once more. Eric then entered the room.

"Here it is," Ron said as he handed him the Compiler of Transit.

"Are you ready, Kim?" Eric asked.

She replied, "Yes, I'm ready. Goodbye Ron . . . and God bless you."

Ron sighed. "You'd better hurry. You'll miss that plane.

They walked out the door to the airfield next door just as Major Drakken arrived.

"Stop them!" he yelled, reaching for the phone. "Hello, get me the control tower!"

Ron growled, "Get away from that phone!" He picked up a chair and smashed it over Major Drakken's head, knocking him unconscious.

Several of Captain Peugeot's gendarmes drove up and entered the room. The Captain declared, "Major Drakken has been assaulted!" He looked at Ron, and then turned back to the gendarmes. "Round up the usual suspects!"

Ron smiled as he walked out the door, happy that Drakken was at least temporarily disabled. But a look of wistful longing came over his face as he sadly watched Eric and Kim walk towards the waiting plane. Suddenly, Rufus jumped out of his pocket and made a dash towards the couple. Sinking his teeth into Eric's foot, syntho-goo began to pour out of the hole.

As Eric melted into a puddle, he sighed, "Oh no, here we go again . . ."

Overjoyed, Ron rushed toward Kim. "Kim!" he yelled.

"Ron!" she shouted, as they ran into each other's arms. Ron swung her around, as they laughed in relief. They looked into each other's eyes for only a moment, before kissing more deeply and passionately than they ever had before.

"Awww!" Rufus happily remarked, pleased that he'd succeeded in getting the couple back together.

As they all boarded the plane, Ron spoke. "Kim, this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

With a warm smile of relief, Kim sighed contentedly.

Then Ron had a thought. "Kim, you weren't _really_ going to leave me back there in that sitch, were you? Kim? _KIM?_"

Kim just giggled as the scene faded to black.

* * *

_Okay, I admit, I'm an incurable romantic. So, a tip of the hat to one of the greatest movies of all time. And thanks to LTAOZFAN for the idea. I hope this was worth the wait! Now let's see what other trouble I can get our heroes into . . . er, out of . . . _


	11. Zorpox vs The Fearless Ferret!

_Disclaimer: The Disney Corp. owns Kim Possible, but Jim and Tim just bought a controlling interest. __"Hicka-bicka-boo?" "Hooo-Sha!"_

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_It's a beautiful day in downtown Middleton . . . or is it? What fiendishly foul foolery is afoot at the Tri-City Convention Center? A demonstration is in progress at the annual DexCom Computer Trade Show . . ._

The host waxed rhapsodic about his newest computer design. "The new Zenith 9500 is a revolution in computer technology, and will be faster than anything on or off the market! Using the latest scientific breakthroughs and the best technological upgrades available, this won't simply be cutting edge, it's the ultimate in bleeding edge technology!"

From just offstage, a voice spoke up. "Well, well, well: _I'll take it!"_

Perplexed, the presenter looked around for the source of the voice. "Uh, sorry, but this is just a prototype, and won't be available for sale until next year."

"Who said I wanted to buy it, _hmmm?_ And no need to wrap it, I'll just take it _as is_! _Booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" _

A frightening blue-skinned figure rushed onto the stage, a red 'Z' emblazoned on the front of his coal-black suit. Wearing a red-lined black cape and a purple helmet, his eyes blazed insanely behind his red goggles. Zorpox the Conqueror had struck again, accompanied by his henchwoman in crime, the sultry Sheila of the Leopard People. Dressed in a brown skin-tight catsuit, her long blazing red hair cascaded down from beneath her mask, her tail twitching as Zorpox's maniacal laugh rang throughout the auditorium, sending chills down the spine of everyone present. He grabbed the computer, while Sheila, cracking her leather whip, kept the security guards at bay.

"Thanks for the rig, you can put it on my tab, care of Zorpox the Conqueror! _Ah-booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

Throwing down a smoke bomb to cover their escape, Zorpox fired his grappling gun, sending a hook through the skylight. The self-retracting line quickly pulled him up, and Sheila, using her own grappling gun, followed immediately after him. In a moment, they were both gone.

Pandemonium had broken out on the convention floor, as people ran screaming for the exits. One security guard ordered the other, "Call the police!" The other said, "Yes, and send for . . . _the Fearless Ferret!"_

_Meanwhile, in stately Blaine Manor . . . _

Ron, Rufus and Kim had just appeared in what looked to be the study of an upscale mansion. Suddenly, a red phone on the desk began blinking and beeping. Ron picked it up. Hesitantly he said, "Heh-hello?"

"Fearless Ferret? This is Commissioner Warden. We need you: Zorpox the Conqueror has struck again."

Recognizing the voice of Kim's dad, Ron exclaimed "Wow, Dr. P! Movin' up in the crime-fighting world, ah-booyah! Oops, need to keep my secret identity." Assuming his deepest manly voice, he continued, "Of course, Commissioner! We're on our way!" Ron hung up and turned to Kim. "Your dad is Commissioner Warden in this sitch, which makes you Pamela Warden, which makes you . . . Ferret Girl! _All right Kim!"_

He flipped open a statue of a ferret head and pressed the red button beneath. A sliding door in the wall appeared, revealing two poles.

Ron ordered, "To the Ferret Hole, my fabulously fabled friends!"

As Ron and Rufus ran towards the poles, Kim yelled, "Wait, Ron! Do you know what you're doing?"

Without missing a beat, he replied, "No time to waste, Kim! The Commissioner needs us!" Ron and Rufus slid down the poles, followed closely by a reluctant Kim.

After a quick costume change for the fierce fighters of freakish foes, Ron, Kim and Rufus sped towards the Commissioner's office in the turbine-powered Ferretmobile.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now back at his secret lair, Zorpox considered his next move. "So! Now that I have the fastest computer that money _can't_ buy, it's time to build the robot that will be controlled by it!! Drakken's Diablos will pale in comparison to my wrathful robot of revenge! _Wha_, _Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!_"

"But what about the Fearless Ferret, Zorpy?" purred Sheila. "You know he always tries to thwart your plans." Zorpox glared at Sheila as she continued. "I know you're _always_ at least one step ahead of him, but can't you let your little leopard girl in on your secret plan?" as she seductively wrapped her tail around Zorpox's waist.

Warming to her request, Zorpox admired Sheila's form-fitting outfit, which revealed every sinuous curve of her lithe form. With evil glee, he replied, "Patience, my little kitty cat, patience! All in due course. Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day: but if it had been up to me, _I_ _would_ _have!_ _Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_ Zorpox smiled as he turned back to his computer. "Next I'll visit the Military Robotics Convention for a suitable vehicle, but first I need to set a trap for that rabid raccoon and his ridiculous rodent. Ferrets are fearless to the point of foolishness, and as his ferrety curiosity often exceeds his common sense, I've got _just_ the decoy for him . . ."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Meanwhile, at the Middleton Police Commissioner's office . . ._

The Fearless Ferret, Wonder Weasel and Ferret Girl dashed into Commissioner Warden's office. Ron exclaimed, "We're here, Commissioner! What's the sitch?"

Kim complained, "Hey, that's _my_ line!"

Ron responded, "Sorry, Ferret Girl! The Fearless Ferret never plays second fiddle."

Kim folded her arms and shot Ron a warning look. "Watch it, _Ferret Boy_ . . ."

Commissioner Warden quickly spoke up. "Thanks for getting here so quickly, Fearless Ferret. Zorpox the Conqueror and his sidekick Sheila the Leopard Girl just stole a state-of-the-art computer from the DexCom Computer Trade Show. We don't know what he plans to use it for, but it can't be good."

"Zorpox and Sheila?" Ron exclaimed. "My fiercest foe is, _myself?_ Oh, man, this tanks . . ."

"Uh, Ron, if we're up against Sheila too, it looks like we're both in the same boat," Kim noted. "Well, Fearless Ferret, since you were the original 'Zorpox,' what would _you_ create with that computer?"

Ron thought for a moment. "Well, I'd use it to be the brains of some kind of world-domination device. Either that, or design the perfect Naco. Maybe both! But if he's using it as a master control, he'll be building a robot of some kind, and probably a BIG one . . ."

Rufus suddenly started chattering and pointing at an open newspaper laying on the desk.

Ron saw what had caught Rufus' attention. "Or else _steal_ one! Look here, Ferret Girl: the annual Military Robotics Convention opens today in Upperton! Well done, Wonder Weasel!"

Rufus struck a heroic pose as he gleefully said, "_Tah-dah! Uh-huh, Uh-huh!"_

Ron continued, "He must be planning his next heist there. It's time to thwart his evil plan and make him bow to the will of the Fearless Ferret!"

Just then, the phone rang. The Commissioner picked it up and answered, "Hello, Commissioner Warden speaking." He paled when he heard the voice on the other end of the line, and quickly hit the speakerphone button.

"Yes, Commissioner, it is I, Zorpox! I trust that that my foolish ferrety foe is there?"

Ron frowned as he grimly replied, "Right here, you fiendishly foul freak! What foolish fantasy are you fawning over now, my facetious friend?"

"Right you are, my recklessly rancid wretch! I've hidden an explosive device at the Federal Heights Pet Shop, and it's set to go off in just 15 minutes! You have just enough time to make it there, or perhaps not! Tick-tick-tick, Fearless Ferret! _Ah-booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" _Zorpox broke the connection.

Ron turned to Kim. "Well, it sounds like either a decoy, or a trap. Or maybe a . . ."

Kim stopped him in mid-sentence. "Ron, if you say 'trap-trap,' I'll have to seriously hurt you."

"Well, it could be!" Ron whined. He thought for a moment, then stated, "No, I'm sure it's a 'trap-trap-_trap,_' which makes it a _real_ trap. But it's funny though that he didn't address you, Ferret Girl. Either he didn't know you were here, or the trap is for you too."

"Trap or not, we've got to stop that bomb, Ron!" Kim urged.

"Right, KP . . . uh, FG! You take the Ferretmobile and get to the Federal Heights Pet Shop as soon as you can. And take Ruf . . . uh, Wonder Weasel with you. He's as good as I am at disarming things. I'll head for Upperton and try to stop Zorpox. Good luck!"

"You too, uh, Fearless Ferret. But how are you going to make it to Upperton?" Kim asked.

Ron pushed a button on his wrist's control panel. "No problem, FG! I've already activated the homing device for the Ferret-Jet. It'll be here before you can say, "Farewell, my fascinating ferret fanatics!"

As they all raced toward the door, Ron turned back and announced, "Farewell good people, we're off to ferret out crime wherever it may hide!"

Kim simply rolled her eyes as they all left on their respective missions.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As luck would have it, Federal Heights was right next to Middleton, so Kim and Rufus made it to the pet shop in record time. The shop had been quickly evacuated after being warned by Commissioner Warden. They rushed into the now empty shop, and there in the middle of the floor was the device, its digital timer ticking down the final minutes to the shop's destruction. Kim tried to pick it up, but it was securely attached to the floor. It would take much longer to remove it from the floor than it would to disarm it.

Kim turned to Rufus and said, "Okay, Wonder Weasel! It's up to you."

Rufus confidently replied, "_Uh-huh! No problem_!" Opening the panel, they saw two wires, one red and the other blue.

Kim moaned, "Why, why, _why_ do the wires on a bomb always have to be red and blue? You'd think Zorpox would be more creative!"

But no sooner had Kim voiced her complaint then the wires changed color to green and purple. With a look of surprise on her face, she exclaimed, "Fiber optic LED wires? Sorry, Rufus, I guess I spoke too soon." They changed color once again, this time to red and black. Her voice tinged with sarcasm, she noted, "Hmm. Zorpox's signature colors. Nice touch."

By now, the timer was counting down its final minute. Kim knew that they either had to either disarm the bomb quickly or beat a hasty retreat. She sighed, "Well, any ideas, Rufus?"

A voice sounding suspiciously like Kim's came from behind them. "I have a few, Ferret Girl!" Whirling around, Kim came face to face with a striking redhead wearing a form-fitting brown catsuit.

"Sheila!" Kim exclaimed, immediately assuming a fighting stance. "Rufus, take care of the bomb while I put this cat out!"

"Easier said than done, Ferret Girl!" Sheila snarled viciously, as they both attacked each other at the very same moment. Evenly matched, each girl's moves virtually mirrored the other: each punch blocked, each kick avoided. As she slashed at Kim with her claws, Sheila growled, "Zorpy wanted me to make sure you were here, Ferret Girl!"

"Zorpy? Oh, please . . ." Kim chided. She tried a feint, pulling back for a punch but suddenly switching to a scissors kick. Sheila easily avoided the kick and countered with a quick double slash of her claws, missing Kim's face by mere inches. "Wow, you're good! It's almost as if I'm battling . . ."

"Yourself?" Sheila finished. "Silly girl, I _am_ you!" A chill went up Kim's spine as she stared back into those two green orbs that perfectly matched her own. Sheila smiled malevolently back at Kim and attacked with the same moves that Kim had used just the week before to take down Shego. Kim again managed to fend off the attack, but was starting to worry about . . .

"How much time you have left? Less than 30 seconds, Ferret Girl! This sitch has been real fun, but it's time for me to scoot!" And with a quick flick of her tail, Sheila grabbed Kim's ankle and pulled, as Kim ingloriously fell on her behind. Kim was momentarily shocked as Sheila taunted, "Yes, that's our one difference: _my_ tail is fully functional! Until next time, _Kimmie_!" And with that parting shot, Sheila leapt through the store's front door and slammed it closed, jamming it in the process. Kim screamed in frustration.

In the meantime, Rufus had run out of ideas. He had tried to pull out one of the coruscating wires, but it held fast. He then tried biting through it, but only received a shock for his efforts. There were now only 15 seconds left on the timer. "_Oh, no_," he whimpered, looking at Kim, who had just picked herself up off of the floor. Without a moment's hesitation, she grabbed the wires and pulled with all her might. Much to her relief, the wires snapped free. But her smile turned to horror as the timer not only failed to stop, but actually accelerated its countdown towards their doom. With no time left, Kim grabbed Rufus, hoping that her body could shield the tiny mole rat from the explosion. As the timer reached zero, she tearfully said, "Goodbye, little friend . . ."

_Oh, the horror! A trap within a feint within a ruse! Will this spell the end of our fearless friends? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode: same Ferret Time, same Ferret Station!_

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Cliffhanger! Yes! Now it's _my_ turn to be evil! But I promise not to leave you hanging _too_ long . . . maybe! Ah-booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!_


	12. Revenge of the Fearless Ferret!

_Disclaimer: The Disney Corp owns Kim Possible, but no one owns Zorpox! NO ONE! Ah-Booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!_

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_When we last left our heroes, Ferret Girl and Wonder Weasel were facing an irreversible countdown of doom, after being trapped by that felonious feline femme fatale, Sheila the Leopard Girl. Is it farewell to our fascinating fair-skinned friend and her frisky furless folk-hero, or has he filched his last filbert? Having failed to foil their foes, is this their fatal finale? Tune in for the answers to this and more, next on:_

_**The Fearless Ferret! (In Color!)**_

The familiar guitar riff played as the credits rolled, after which a used car commercial appeared. As the announcer blathered on about the great deals he would give with no money down, a familiar brunette wearing her trademark jumpsuit walked onto the lot in the background, and got into a lime green Corvette with black trim. She started it up and revved the engine, then took off down the street, waving a black-gloved hand in farewell. The announcer stopped in mid-sentence and started yelling and chasing after her, but naturally didn't stand much of chance of catching the sports car, which was now quickly receding into the distance.

Having just tuned in, Jim yelled, "Hey Mom! Kim's on the Fearless Ferret, and Shego just stole a car from a used car lot!" He turned to Tim and asked, "Hicka-bicka-boo?" To which Tim replied, "Hooo-Sha!"

From the kitchen, Mrs. Dr. P just sighed and said, "Oh that Shego, always getting into trouble . . ."

The show by now had resumed, and the camera showed a close up of the bomb's digital timer quickly counting down its last few seconds. Cradling Rufus, Kim tearfully said, "Goodbye, little friend . . ." Rufus sadly replied, "_Aww, G'bye . . ."_

The timer reached zero. But instead of the expected explosion, the bell of a timer was heard, and the lethal-looking device merely spit out a sheet of paper. Surprised and not just a little relieved, Kim picked it up.

"Well, Wonder Weasel, what have we here? It looks like some kind of legal document." She began to read it. "Federal Heights hereby bans the sales or ownership of weasels and ferrets. Those found guilty of this infraction may be subject to fine and/or imprisonment . . ."

From outside the pet shop, a voice was suddenly heard speaking through a bullhorn. "Ferret Girl, Wonder Weasel, this is the police! Come out with your hands up! You're under arrest for breaking the Federal Heights Wildlife Ordinance and for the setting of an explosive device!"

"Oh, great!" Kim growled. "It looks like we've been royally decoyed and set up by Zorpox! Ron was right; this _is_ a 'trap-trap-trap!' We've got to get out of here! Quick, Rufus, let's hope this place has a back door!"

_Meanwhile, back at the Military Robotics Convention . . ._

Ron landed the Ferret-Jet in the parking lot of the Upperton Military Robotics Convention just as Zorpox blew out the west wall of the building. Exiting out of the huge hole, Zorpox drove a hideous-looking device that looked like a cross between an Abrams tank and the Martian tripod vehicle from the War of the Worlds. Wearing a purple crash helmet emblazoned with his trademark red Z, he was laughing even more maniacally than usual.

"Excellent! The firepower on this beastie is good, but it will be absolute after I install my improved plasma launcher! And with my newest antigravity generator, controlled by the Zenith 9500 computer, this bad boy will fly like nothing ever seen before! _Wha,_ _Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

"Not if I have anything to say about it, Zorpox!" With arms akimbo, the Fearless Ferret stood defiantly in front of the massive weapon.

Zorpox tauntingly replied, "Ah, the Foolish Ferret! And how to you plan to stop me, you ridiculous relic from a repugnant rest home?"

Ron yelled back, "Hey! I'm not _that_ old! Well, Timothy North is maybe, but still . . ." Suddenly realizing he needed a snappy comeback, Ron launched into his fiercest fugue of phonic formulations. "Your fabled facemask is only a façade! Bid farewell to your failed fantasy and say farewell, you fallible fanatic!" Proud of his alliterative witticisms, Ron activated his Ferret Claw and launched it at the weapon's upper hull. In a moment he was atop the weapon and racing toward Zorpox.

Zorpox shot back, "Not so fast, Fearless Ferret! You may have won this round of alliterations, but it'll be a smackdown in my town once I complete my ultimate weapon! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_ He activated a switch, and a high voltage current pulsed through the hull, momentarily stunning Ron. He fell toward the ground, but his fall was broken by the Ferret Claw's wire, which was still attached to the weapon's upper hull. He came to just as the Ferretmobile drove up.

Ron was visibly relieved. "Kim! You made it!"

The windscreen slid back, revealing the brown-clad occupant.

"Hey, you're not Ferret Girl! You're . . ."

"Your worst nightmare?" Sheila grinned evilly as she leapt from the vehicle.

"No, you'd have to be a monkey in order to be . . ."

Sheila's whip crack cut short Ron's statement. Quickly lashing out, she wrapped the whip around Ron and pulled him hard to the ground.

"Oh, this is _so_ not cool! What have you done with Ferret Girl and Wonder Weasel?" Ron feared the worst, remembering that his friends had gone off to disarm a bomb.

"Don't worry, my ferrety prey!" Sheila purred. "They're enjoying some R & R at the local jail, since it's illegal to own ferrets or weasels in Federal Heights. Oh, and we made sure to alert the police that _they_ had set the bomb, and not Zorpy." She giggled, and the hairs on the back of Ron's neck stood up as he realized how much she sounded like Kim.

In the meantime, Zorpox was beginning to drive off in his new weapon, heading in the direction of his secret lair. "Keep him occupied, my little kitty-cat! Soon the world will be bowing to its new master! _Ah-Booyah-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!"_

Sheila straddled Ron, who was still tightly wrapped with her whip. "Now I have you _just_ where I want you . . ." She gave a salacious lick to his face and breathed heavily into his ear, "My, you seem _so_ much like Zorpy, but I know that you're a good boy. Well, I'm good too, _especially_ when I'm being bad . . ." An evil grin broke out on her face, as she brushed a few tendrils of her blazing red hair across Ron's face.

Ron just whimpered, but it wasn't exactly a whimper of fear. He was definitely getting a feeling of déjà vu from another very recent encounter. "Heh-heh, hey, uh, you don't happen to know a monkey by the name of Dr. Zita, do you?"

Before she could reply, Sheila felt a swift kick to her head, which knocked her for a loop.

"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"

Kim had suddenly appeared, her eyes fiercely blazing with anger. She had only felt this furious once before, when she was under the influence of the Moodulator. But this . . . _this was personal_. Arching her back and hissing loudly, Sheila had barely recovered from the blow when Kim furiously attacked, and with a vengeance.

Kim screamed, "HE'S MINE, YOU MANGY FELINE!

She pounced on Sheila with a fury fueled by equal amounts of anger, adrenaline and jealousy. Sheila didn't stand a chance this time against Kim's onslaught, and was quickly beating a hasty retreat, leaving a trail of torn fur behind her. Still breathing heavily, Kim turned to Ron, who had extricated himself from the kitten's whip.

"Thanks, KP! I don't know what I would have done if . . ."

Kim grabbed him and kissed him passionately, cutting him off in mid-sentence, as well as his air supply. As she broke the embrace, a goofy smile appeared on Ron's face. But before he could make another comment, Kim suddenly slapped him hard across the face.

"Don't you EVER let me catch you in a sitch like that again!" she yelled.

Briefly shocked, Ron's hand reached up to touch the large red spot on his face. "Whoa! Kim! Not my fault! Totally at her mercy! Your evil twin!" he pleaded.

"And don't tell me you weren't enjoying that little predicament, _Ferret Boy!_" she continued.

"Well, for a switch the bad girl obviously likes the good boy." Ron then smiled at Kim and softly said, "But don't worry, KP. Ferret Girl has it over Leopard Girl, anytime, anyplace, hands down. So cool the jellin', ok?"

Slightly mollified, Kim calmed down a bit. "Yeah, Ron, I know . . . but I suspect that Sheila's relationship with Zorpox is a little more . . . _advanced_ . . . than we are?"

"Maybe so Kim, but just remember, you are _the_ only one for me, and no one, no way, will ever change that." Ron moved in closer and took her into a gentle embrace. Just as they were about to kiss, a tiny "_Ahem_!" from Rufus brought them both back to the present moment.

"Uh, yes, well then, my ferrety friends, I think it's about time to go kick some evil butt!" Ron motioned to the Ferretmobile. "Kim, you take the car, Rufus and I will take the jet."

"But Ron, we don't even know where his lair is!" Kim complained.

Ron waved his hand dismissively. "No problem, FG! I've got all the FF episodes memorized, so I know exactly where he is: Drakken's original lair!"

"You're kidding!" Kim smiled. "Yup, Zorpox sure loves irony . . ."

"By the way, Kim, how did you get here so fast without the Ferretmobile?"

"Police escort, Ron. As soon as I had the Federal Heights PD check with my dad, er, Commissioner Warden, they saw through Zorpox's little ruse. Besides, we didn't actually break any laws, since Rufus isn't really a weasel, and I'm not really a ferret."

Ron grinned widely. "That's right. Rufus isn't a pet, he's family. Isn't that right, little chum?"

"_Uh-huh, uh-huh!"_ Rufus cheerfully agreed.

Ron turned to Kim. "And you're not a ferret, you're my girlfriend, and once we get out of the sitch, I'm taking you to an expensive dinner at _Chez Couteau_, and . . . _no coupons!"_

"Now that's more like it, Fearless Ferret!" Kim grinned. "Okay, FF, what's your plan?"

Ron rubbed his chin as he thought out loud. "Well, we'll need to get into his lair without being detected. So first, no radio communication until we're all inside."

"Good call," Kim agreed. "I remember Zorpox was tipped off last time by the scannage of my Kimmunicator frequency. But how do we get in? He's smarter than Drakken, and probably has defenses that we don't know about."

Ron brightened up. "No problem, FG! Zorpox may be brilliant, but he can only prepare for the expected: not the unexpected." He rummaged around in the Ferretmobile and pulled out Drakken's combined Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler. "With the battery pack we picked up in Lisbon, we should be able to power up this puppy and appear in his lair without detection. And, I'll time it to happen during a commercial! _Booyah_! Duty calls, my ferrety friends!"

And with that, Ron and Rufus ran to the Ferret-Jet as Kim got into the Ferretmobile. But as he was about to get into the cockpit, he hesitated. "Wait a second Kim! I just had an idea. Zorpox likes decoys, so let's just give him one . . ."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Ferret-Jet, cruising in stealth mode a thousand feet above Middleton, approached Zorpox's lair. Nevertheless, an alarm went off alerting Zorpox to its approach.

"Well, well, what have we here? Time for a little target practice!" Zorpox punched a button on the control panel. "You think you got game, Fearless Ferret? You ain't got game! And now it's payback time, baby!"

A missile streaked towards the Ferret-Jet, which had just fired a barrage of its own missiles. But the missile's aim was true and hit the jet dead center. The explosion tore the craft apart, flaming pieces of wreckage raining down on the outskirts of Middleton, just as the Ferret-Jet's missiles struck, detonating harmlessly against the lair's force field. With manic glee, Zorpox yelled, "_Ah-Booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

A plaintive mewing could be heard in the corner, as Sheila licked her wounds and tried to smooth her ruffled fur. Zorpox tried to console her. "Don't worry, my little kitten! That's the last we'll hear from those foolish ferrets!" The trickle of a tear cascaded down the corner of Sheila's mask, which didn't fail to escape Zorpox's attention. In a dangerous tone, he hissed threateningly, "But perhaps that saddens you, my dear? No matter, you'll soon forget that ridiculous rodent!"

Zorpox was interrupted by the thud of several dull explosions. Suddenly the lights went out, which were quickly replaced by the lair's emergency lighting. Consternation clouded the villain's face. "What the . . . something has taken out the main power!"

From directly behind him came the voice of the Fearless Ferret. "That would be us, Zorpox! Your felonious fun ride is over! It's the finale to your futile fusillade!"

A look of relief came over Sheila's face as she realized the Fearless Ferret was still alive. Zorpox swiftly swirled around and exclaimed, "What! How did you get in here without setting off any of my booby traps or alarms?"

"That's for us to know, and _yada-yada_, Zorpox!" Kim answered. Upon seeing her, Sheila let out a vicious snarl and leapt into an attack. But no sooner had she reached them than Ron activated a button on his wrist control, spraying Sheila with a cloud of light green mist. Sheila fell to the floor, rolling and mewing with joy, happily pawing the air as if it were filled with her favorite play toys.

Kim asked, "Wow, Ron! What did you spray her with?"

With not just a little smugness in his voice, he answered, "Oh, I just made a little adjustment to the Ferret Smokescreen, that's all. Concentrated catnip! Booyah!" He turned back to the super-villain. "Playtime's over, Zorpox! Give it up!"

"Not so fast, my rude and repulsive rodent!" Zorpox scrambled to his just-completed super weapon, now tricked out with massive red spider legs and an enormous jet-black turret. "Once I activate the Mega-Weather Generator that I've just installed in this bad boy, my creation will be powered by energy drawn directly from the atmosphere around it! I will be virtually unstoppable! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

Ron sighed. "Well, it looks like you've won, Zorpox. But just one last thing: which season is this? Season 1, or 2?"

Zorpox seemed perplexed by the question. "Why, Season 1. Why do you ask?"

Ron smiled wickedly as he cryptically answered, "That's all I needed to know . . . Rufus, hit the switch!"

Rufus pushed a small red button hidden in an obscure corner of the lair. A deep humming was heard, followed by the sound of rock fracturing as six huge pointed objects began pushing their way through the floor, surrounding Zorpox. Rising unrelentingly from the ground, the objects became instantly recognizable. Zorpox's blue skin paled to a shade of bone white as the terrible realization set in.

"Lawn ornaments! _Huge gnome lawn ornaments!"_ Zorpox screamed in fear as they reached their full height of 10 feet, trapping him and blocking any escape. Their eyes glowed malevolently, fixing Zorpox with their unblinking, implacable stare. Cowed into frightful submission, he rolled up into a fetal position as he softly whimpered, "_Stop . . . staring . . . please . . . make them stop . . ."_

Kim's jaw dropped. "Omigosh, Ron! What did you do?"

Ron slowly shook his head as he explained. "This is how Zorpox tried to capture me in Season 2 of the Fearless Ferret. Since this is Season 1, Zorpox hadn't discovered it yet. Drakken originally built the device, but it was actually Shego's idea: I never did figure out how she learned about my recurring nightmares as a kid. But obviously he wasn't able to use it on me before their lair was destroyed early on." Ron sighed. "A childhood nightmare blown up into hideous proportions: what a terrible way to go . . ."

Kim's only comment was, "Brrrrr . . ."

Ron realized the irony of the situation. "Zorpox and Sheila were one step away from world domination. Either that, or controlling the world's supply of nacos . . ."

Kim giggled, "Yeah, but for you that's the same thing, Ron!"

Ron smiled. "Yup. But now look at them: Zorpox the Conqueror reduced to a fearful child, and Sheila turned into a playful kitten." The closing music began to play, its majestic chords swelling as Ron delivered his final lines. "Well, the authorities are on their way to pick them up, so that's another wrap for . . . _The Fearless Ferret!"_

As the closing credits began to roll, Kim said, "Y'know Ron, you really stepped up in this sitch. It was a little tough for me at first to be _your_ sidekick for once, but it really worked. And . . ." Kim hesitated. "And I really think Sheila liked you, as wrongsick as that seems. Sorry for the jellin."

"No big, KP. But it does makes sense in an awkweird sort of way," Ron agreed. "She was _you_, Kim. An evil, twisted you, but still you: slinky, sultry, sensuous, seductive . . ."

"_Ron_ . . .!" Kim shot him a warning look.

". . . but in an alternate universe sort of way," he quickly backpedaled. "Don't worry, I'll be saving my Ron-shine just for my KP! And now that we have the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler, I'm looking forward to see how Wade will use it in getting us _all_ back home."

"I agree _totally_," Kim said with a sigh of relief. "Now if Wade can just get us all into the same sitch . . ."

And the scene once again faded.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_But wait! Is this truly the last we'll ever see of Zorpox? And has Wade resolved all the problems, or will even more plot complications ensue? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter! _


	13. A Soapy Sitch

_Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, not me. Sorry, Princess!_

______________________________________________________________________________________

A cheerful theme song was heard as Kim and Ron slowly became aware of their new surroundings. Kim immediately noticed Ron's new attire.

"Nice tux, Ron! Are we going to a formal in this sitch?"

Ron had a strange look on his face. "Uh, thanks KP, but I don't think it's a formal we're going to. Take a look at your dress."

Kim looked down at the beautiful full-length white gown she was now wearing. Its train was nearly ten feet in length, and she wore matching elbow-length white satin gloves. Her beautifully coiffed red hair was perfectly framed by the bridal veil that now adorned her head. She stepped back with a start.

"_A wedding dress?!_" she exclaimed.

"_Tah-dah-da-dah!"_ Rufus cheerfully piped in, imitating the Wedding March.

Just then, an older but still striking dark-haired woman swept into the room. "Kimeese! You look divine! I don't think Spruce Valley has ever had a more pretty bride!" Her tone was more catty than cheerful, as she continued. "And thank you so much for allowing my daughter Sheanca to be your maid of honor!"

Ron whispered an aside. "Kim, that's Erika Kane, so we must be on _All My Neurotic Children_!"

"Duh, Ron! Oh, this sitch is just spankin'," Kim said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

Erika then turned to Ron as her mood changed to one of stormy indignation. "And _especially_ after Zacharon here had a child out of wedlock with Sheanca!"

Ron and Kim's jaws dropped at the same time, the shock of this sudden revelation leaving them both speechless.

Suddenly cheerful again, Erika announced, "Ah! And here's lovely Sheanca now!"

Wearing a mint green bridesmaid's dress, Shego entered the room.

"Shego!" Kim growled, immediately assuming a defensive crouch.

"How's it goin', _Kimmie_?" Shego cagily responded.

Erika continued, "Oh, and Kimeese: you might be interested to know that I caught Zacharon and Sheanca in a _very_ passionate kiss last night. I guess she wanted to wish him well . . . _one last time_." And with that, she swept out of the room.

"_Ron!"_ Kim yelled.

"_Here we go again,"_ Ron thought to himself. "KP, not my fault! I mean, it was in the script, but I didn't enjoy it! I mean, I didn't kiss her!"

An enraged Kim turned back to her familiar nemesis. "Shego, this is a new low even for you! You're going down! _Hard!"_

"Whoa, whoa! Chill out, Princess!" Shego replied, hands held up in a defensive gesture. "This is just a soap and has no basis in reality. Besides, Ron's just not . . . _my type_."

"So! My Ron's not good enough for you? _Is that what you're saying?"_ Kim was close to going totally ballistic.

"KP . . ." pleaded Ron.

"Stay outta this, _RON!_ You're in enough trouble as it is!"

Shego smiled evilly as she realized how much this was getting to Kim. "On second thought, he _has_ grown a lot over the past few years . . . and he's actually pretty good looking, as sidekicks go." She stroked her chin in thought. "Yeah, he's good enough to be my new . . . _boy toy_ . . ."

"_THAT'S IT!_" With a yell, Kim launched herself at Shego, fiercely attacking her with an intensity that surprised even herself.

Ron looked down at Rufus and commented, "Wow, I haven't seen Kim this mad at Shego since the Little Diablo sitch. But that's par for the course, considering how this day's been going."

"_Oh, well!"_ Rufus replied with a shrug of his little shoulders.

_Meanwhile, in the next room . . . _

Erika was now deep in conversation with a very uncomfortable looking Dr. Drakken.

"No Drak, it's best that we part. You have another wife, and I have another husband. And _he_ has another wife, and _she_ has another husband! No, after all our years of wedded bliss, it's _au revoir_, Drack. We must think of the child: after all, we _do_ have a child. And _she_ has a child, and the child has another husband, and _he_ has another wife. And _she_ has a child: and _that_ child, Drak . . . is _our_ child: Sheanca. I need to go away somewhere and figure this whole thing out."

Ron was eavesdropping, having hidden himself behind a large fern. "Sheanca is Drakken's daughter? That's just wrongsick!" Ron whispered to Rufus. "But on second thought, it does explain a lot."

Dr. D stumbled with his line. "Uh, yes, Erika, I'm, uh, aware of all this, and that our own child, through marriage, uh, is now my aunt, _and_ your sister's mother, on your grandmother's side."

Just then, Kim and Shego came crashing through the flimsy wall, locked in combat, their dresses now in shreds.

"Keep away from my boyfriend, you _witch_!" screamed Kim, as she threw Shego across the room.

Shego landed on her feet, and yelled, "Well, this day hasn't been a bed of roses for me either, _Princess_!" She fired off a few plasma bursts as Kim advanced on her. Kim deftly avoided them as she grabbed Shego, flipping both of them over a couch and onto the floor.

"Drack, _do_ something!" Erika demanded.

Dr. D stammered, "Um, what would you, uh . . . like me to do, uh, Erika?"

Erika cozied up to Drakken and purred, "You've got to help me take Zacharon 'out of the picture,' if you catch my drift." Her voice harshened as the background music darkened forebodingly. "And if you don't, I'll reveal to the world that you had an affair with my cousin's sister by marriage to my third ex-husband's nephew!"

"But wasn't she the one who perished in the car crash? Or was that the helicopter accident? Nnngh. I can never keep these episodes straight!"

Shego and Kim froze in mid-fight, a look of surprise on their faces. Shego asked, "Dr. D, _you_ watch _All My Neurotic Children_?"

"Uh, only to stay current, Shego . . . er, I mean, _Sheanca_ . . ."

"Don't push it, _Drack_!" she replied threateningly. Kim and Shego resumed their combat, taking out another wall on the set.

Then from behind Ron, Bonnie suddenly appeared, also wearing a mint green bridesmaid's dress.

Ron saw her and grinned from ear to ear. "Bon-Bon! You're OK!"

Bonnie was still non-plussed by the day's events, but relieved to see Ron. "Yeah, good to see you too, Stoppable. Here, take Kim's Kimmunicator thingy and call Wade. He has something important to tell you."

Wade appeared on the screen. "Ron! You okay?"

"Yeah, Wade," he replied, quickly ducking out of the way of a flying potted plant. "Any news? Good I hope?"

Wade frowned. "Well, yes and no. I discovered that Drakken's Magnetronic Personality Analyzer is based on Moodulator technology, so when you enter a new TV show, you'll tend to take on the personalities and moods of the characters themselves."

Ron ducked a few plates that had just been thrown by Kim and Shego, and quickly made the connection between everyone's characters and actions that day. "Whoa! That explains a lot. Kim and Shego are at it right now, and Kim is jellin' like there's no tomorrow over me and Shego."

Wade's jaw dropped. "You and Shego? What did you . . . no, I don't want to know." He shivered involuntarily at the thought. "Ron, there's one more problem. I'm picking up the electronic signature of more than one Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler. It's making it hard to keep a lock on everyone and get you all into the same program in order to return you home."

Ron thought for a minute, and then realized what had happened. "Wade, I think I know why you're picking up more than one signature. Drakken had a separate Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler when we were in that similar sitch last year. The Quantum Reverser got sucked into a vortex and never recovered, and the Dimensional Compiler may have been lost too." Ron and Bonnie ducked a huge slab of wedding cake as it flew by their heads and smashed into the only remaining wall still standing on the set. "Uh, Wade, can you deactivate that Magna-Whatsit Analyzer thingy without throwing us into a black hole?"

"Sure, Ron! Let me try this switch here, and . . . done!"

"Thanks, Wade!" Kim and Shego's battle royale started to wind down. "It looks like we've got everyone into this show except for Kim's dad. Can you get a lock on him?"

"I'll try. Just don't use your own Dimensional Compiler until I can get you all into the same TV program. It might split you guys up further. Stand by . . ."

The set was by now in complete shambles. Both exhausted, Kim and Shego faced each other while Erika Kane just stood there, speechless.

"No wedding today, Erika!" panted Kim. "All right Ron, what's the sitch?"

Ron smiled. "Wade's going to try to move us all into the same bon-diggity show along with your dad, and then back to our own dimension."

Drakken noticed that Ron had the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler in his hands. He moved toward him and said, "I'll take that please . . ."

But Kim blocked him, saying, "No way, Drakken. We'll just hold onto this until we all make it home, and then it's back to Cell Block D for you two!" Dr. D just sighed resignedly. She took the Kimmunicator back from Ron, relieved to finally have it back in her possession. "All right, Wade, we're all together except for my dad."

Wade's fingers flew over his computer keyboard. "OK Kim, here goes . . ."

"Please and thank you, Wade!"

Dr. Drakken turned to Shego and said, "My, that Erika was . . . scary! I don't think I've ever looked into the face of pure evil before."

Shego smiled slyly. "Well, she _is_ my mother . . ."

And in a moment, they all disappeared . . .

. . . and then reappeared on the bridge of a science-fiction spacecraft.

Kim sat in the Captain's chair, and Ron and Rufus were seated at the helm. All were wearing black uniforms with red shoulders, while Bonnie was behind them wearing a one–piece silver-gray jumpsuit. Dr. Possible was nowhere to be seen.

Kim grabbed her Kimmunicator. "Wade! It looks like we're on a sci-fi show, and my dad's still not here!"

Wade frowned. "Kim, I've asked you not to call it 'sci-fi!' It denigrates the genre!"

"SO not in the mood right now, Wade! What show are we on?"

Wade quickly looked around the bridge and smiled. "Kim, it looks like you're on _Space Passage: Explorer!_ You're Captain Kim Gangway, in command of the deep-space cruiser _Explorer_, trapped in the Zeta quadrant 50,000 light years from Earth. Your helmsman is Ron London, expert pilot and notorious wiseguy.

"No big surprise there, Wade!" Kim smirked.

"Hey, chill out KP! The Ronster can handle this bon-diggity bad boy, no problem."

"And who am I, loser?" Bonnie asked with crossed arms.

"Bonnie, you're Six of Eight, a Berg drone that's been changed back into a human, mostly."

"So that's why I have this iPod stuck on my face?" she complained, trying to remove what looked like an electronic device above her eyebrow.

Wade continued, "Those are Berg implants that help you communicate with the Berg Collection, the bad guys on this show."

Ron perked up. "Implants?" he snickered.

Kim frowned. "Watch it, Ron! _Electronic_ implants, Mr. Mind-In-The-Gutter! So, Wade, where do we find these bad guys?"

On cue, a terrific weapons impact shook the ship. On the viewscreen, Dr. Drakken appeared. One eye appeared to be normal, but his other one now looked like an electronic eyepatch. One of his arms had been replaced with a massive electronic prosthesis, the end of which displayed several diabolical-looking devices. He spoke in a weird, electronically altered voice.

"This is Drakutus, of Berg. Your life, as you know it, is over. Surrender the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler, or be destroyed. You have 30 seconds . . ."

_To Be Continued . . ._

______________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, from a soap opera to sci-fi . . . oops, sorry Wade! How will Kim and crew escape this time? Update next week!_


	14. Space Passage: Explorer!

_Disclaimer: Disney Corp already owns Kim Possible. Resistance is futile . . ._

* * *

Drakutus fixed Captain Kim Gangway with his cold, inhuman stare, as the red laser tracker in his one artificial eye flickered malevolently.

Kim sneered, "So, _Drakutus_, changing your plans from world domination to galactic conquest?"

He laughed evilly, his voice echoing in the cavernous control room. "And why not? By the way, your time's almost up, Kimberly Ann." He smiled grotesquely. "Oh, and don't bother trying to run away, I've got a tractor beam locked onto your ship."

Drakutus relaxed back into his command chair, pleased that at long last he had finally gotten the drop on his teenage foe. Kim tried to think what her next move should be.

"Uh, Red Alert?" she commanded. The Red Alert klaxon sounded as she asked her crew, "And does anyone know how to put him on hold?"

Bonnie pushed a few buttons, and Drakutus disappeared from the screen. His image was replaced by a wide-angle shot of the huge cube-shaped Berg ship, its immense black form instilling in Kim a sense of awe.

"Whoa, this is one lair that's going to be _really_ hard to take down. Ron! Do we have weapons, or shields, or anything?"

He quickly replied, "Checking, KP!"

She then turned back to her Kimmunicator. "Wade, we've got big trouble. Drakken is one of the Berg, and he's preparing to fire. Any great ideas?"

"Yeah, Kim. Try to use the ship's computer for help."

Kim looked perplexed. "The ship's computer?"

The charming voice of the _Explorer's_ computer spoke up. "That's what I'm here for, Captain. Allow me to help." The strangely familiar voice of the computer continued. "Six of Eight, rotate the shield harmonics to break the tractor beam lock. Rufus, get ready to fire the phasers on the target I've locked on. And Ron, stand by for warp speed."

Bonnie's fingers flew across the controls, rotating the shield harmonics. The ship lurched slightly as the tractor beam lock was broken. "Wow! How did I know how to do that?"

Ron grinned. "It's your Berg implants, Bon-Bon. And I think they make you look very . . . _Sixy_!"

Rufus hit his forehead with his paw. "_Oh, brother!"_

The computer ordered, "Now, Rufus." Rufus uttered a cheerful "_Okay!"_ as he hit the firing button. The phasers lanced out, hitting the precise spot the computer had targeted: the tractor beam emitter on the Berg ship. A brief flare indicated its destruction. "Warp speed _now_, Mr. London." Ron manipulated the helm controls, barrel-rolling over the Berg cube and accelerating to warp speed, leaving a rainbow-hued trail behind them.

Kim breathed a sigh of relief, as star trails sped by on the viewscreen. "Spankin'! Good job everyone. And you _rock_, Computer!"

"You can call me Sadie, Kim," answered the computer.

Ron piped up, "Sadie? As in Dr. Freeman's car, Sadie?"

Kim was pleasantly surprised. "Sadie! I thought that sounded like you! What are you doing in this sitch?"

Sadie sighed. "Blame that on the writer, Kim."

Kim shook her head in understanding. "Okay, what's next?"

The ship lurched slightly as another long-range weapons impact hit the ship. Bonnie announced, "The Berg cube is in pursuit, and closing."

Kim yelled, "Ron, I never thought I'd ever be asking this, but I need maximum warp speed, now!" Without a moment's hesitation, Ron punched in the command, and the Explorer's engines thrummed with power as it accelerated to its maximum speed.

"Booyah! Warp 9.97, Cap'n Kim!"

Kim smiled and asked, "Six, are we out of range of the Berg's weapons?"

Bonnie sashayed over to another panel and entered several commands. "Kim, we're out of range of those losers, but they've accelerated to Warp 9.98 and are closing. They'll be in range again in . . . 90 seconds."

Ron couldn't help but notice how Six of Eight's form-fitting jump suit accentuated every curve of her Berg-enhanced body. It reminded him a little of Sheila's clingy cat suit. "_Whoa, Ron! Head in the game, got to focus here,"_ he thought to himself. "_And note to self, remember to buy one of those outfits for Kim for Halloween . . ." _

Kim then asked, "Sadie, how do I contact the engine room?" Sadie replied, "Just press your comm badge, and ask for Engineering." Kim pressed the comm badge on her uniform and said, "Come in, Engineering! Scotty, are you there?"

"Scotty _who_?" was the confused reply. "This is Lt. Torrid, Captain."

"Oops! Heh-heh, sorry! Wrong sitch," Kim quickly apologized. "We're being pursued by the Berg, and we need maximum emergency override warp power or whatever it is that we need to escape."

Lt. B'wana Torrid, the half-human, half-Klingon Engineering Chief, simply shrugged her shoulders. "Aye, Captain, cutting in Maximum Emergency Override Warp Power Or Whatever It Is That We Need To Escape . . . _now!"_ The ship shot forward again.

"We're now at Warp 9.98, Kim!" Ron said excitedly.

B'wana warned, "But Captain, we can only maintain this speed for a few minutes. Any more, and we'll be courting disaster."

"Why, will the ship explode?" Kim asked.

"No, we're using energy from the coffee makers and mini-fridges, and they'll burn out. Remember when the same thing happened in Episode 42, and the crew mutinied?"

Ron interrupted, "Uh, I thought that was Episode 84, B'wana . . ."

"No," she responded testily. "You're confusing it with _Space Passage: The Next Incarnation_."

"No, I'm sure it was Episode 84 of _Explorer_," Ron stated with certainty.

Growing angrier, B'wana responded, "No, you silly _p'tahk, _and I'd reconsider that answer unless you want to be sleeping on the floor tonight!"

Kim's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she thought, _Oh great,_ _here we go again_. "Ron . . . !"

Ron smiled sheepishly as he explained, "Uh, yeah, B'wana and Ron London are married on this episode."

Kim sighed deeply. "Ron, we need to have a _long_ talk once we're out of this sitch . . ."

Bonnie then cut in. "Uh, _hello_ space people, but that Berg cubie thingy has increased speed to Warp 9.99 and is closing again. Contact in 30 seconds . . ."

Just then, she froze. A voice in her head eerily spoke to her. "_Six . . . Six of Eight . . . can you hear me?"_

Bonnie hesitated. "Who . . . who are you?"

"_I am the beginning . . . the end. The one who is many. I am the Berg, and I am . . . your Queen._"

Bonnie crossed her arms and frowned. "You are so _not _my Queen. If anyone should be Queen, it should be me!" Everyone suddenly turned and looked at Bonnie.

With a concerned look on her face, Kim asked, "Bonnie, are you okay?"

Bonnie testily replied, "Excuse me, on a call here!" She turned away and continued to speak. "Besides, you sound a lot like that green flamy chick that helps Dr. Drakken all the time."

"_Six . . . you are my favorite drone, and I need you back in the Collection. Stop the ship so we can board her, and I promise no one will be harmed . . ."_

"No way! Like I really believe _that!_" She turned to the Captain and blurted, "Kim, that green lady says she's the Berg Queen and wants me to stop the ship!"

Just then, the viewscreen changed from the pursuing Berg cube to that of the Berg Queen. She radiated a virulent green glow, though her skin now had a sickly grayish cast. Her body suit was now totally black, exposing her greenish-gray shoulders. What little she had left of her long dark hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, and her eyes glowed with an almost malignant evil. But in spite of her new alien form, it was still clear who she still was.

"Shego . . ." Kim spoke her name through gritted teeth.

Ron wailed, "Shego's the Berg Queen? Bad thing! _Very bad thing_!"

"Captain Kimmie, I presume? So, how do you like my new look?" Shego purred, spinning around like some kind of evil alien runway model.

"It suits you to an evil 'T', Shego!" Kim hissed.

"Okay, _Princess_, down to business. Hand over the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler, and I'll consider letting you live."

"No way, Shego! We've defeated you before, and we'll do it again!"

Shego just yawned. "My prior defeats are irrelevant. Resistance is futile, _yada-yada_." She waved her hand in bored dismissal.

Shego's lazy reply infuriated Kim. "Resistance is _never_ futile! We'll fight you to our last breath!"

Shego replied with a malicious grin. "Have it your way, _Cupcake_ . . ."

Just then, the screen split into two images, one displaying Shego and the other showing Drakutus.

Drakutus whined, "Shego, I'm in charge here, and I'll make the decisions!"

"Not this time, _Drakutus_!" Shego growled. "You're just a drone here. I'm the Queen, and I'll be calling the shots from now on!"

"Shego, this is no time to be questioning the nature of our relationship!" Drakutus yelled.

"Tough, Dr. D! I happen to _like_ my newfound power, and all of those thousands of hunky drones, all at my personal beck and call. And just remember that on this show, I can disconnect you from the Collection with just a thought, and you'd go _poof!_" Shego snapped her fingers for effect.

Drakutus hesitated. "Uh, let's not be rash now, Shego, er, my queen. . ."

While Shego and Drakutus continued to bicker, Ron whispered to Kim. "Kim! I have an idea how to disable that Berg cube. It's called Emergency Deceleration: if we drop out of warp suddenly and come to a complete stop, the energy release would be powerful enough to do some bon-diggety damage to their ship, if it's close enough. It's dangerous, but it just might work!"

Kim considered the plan. "Are you _sure_ it'll work, Ron? And just where did you find out about this tactic?"

"Uh, _Space Passage: Tactical Assault III_, on the zBox platform?"

"Oh no, Ron, not another computer game!" Kim sighed. "All right, we'll use it as a last resort, but only on my command, okay?"

Ron smiled. "No problem! I got your back, KP!"

The Berg cube had by now closed the range and opened fire on the _Explorer._ Huge explosions shook the ship as the cube's massive weapons lanced out, rapidly reducing their shields.

"Shields down to 60%!" reported Bonnie.

"Rufus, return fire, all weapons!" ordered Kim.

His little paws furiously punching the fire control buttons, multiple phasers and photon torpedoes struck the Berg cube, exploding with colorful pyrotechnics across its massive sides. But the Berg cube continued its relentless fire.

"Shields down to 35%!" yelled Bonnie.

"Sadie, any effect of our weapons on the cube?" Kim asked hopefully.

If a computer could sigh, Sadie would have. "Kim, the Berg cube has multiple regenerative shield emitters, multiple redundant systems and self-regeneration capability."

Kim just looked at the computer with a blank look on her face. "Uh, Sadie, I didn't understand a word you said, but that didn't sound good . . ."

"Sorry, Kim. No effect."

"Continue firing, Rufus!" Kim commanded, as another massive volley struck the _Explorer_.

"Shields down! Kim, do something!" Bonnie screamed, as further explosions rocked the ship.

Ron's fear now equalled his excitement. "This would be _so_ _cool_ if it wasn't going to be the last thing we ever saw!"

"Sadie, what's our status?" Kim hollered over the din of the emergency klaxons.

Sadie reported the damage. "Shields inoperative, weapons and transporters offline, damage to port impulse engine, warp drive still functional."

"Kim?" Ron was ready to hit the button to engage Emergency Deceleration.

The cube ceased fire, and the _Explorer_ shook violently as it was captured by another tractor beam. A green energy beam shot out and began slicing into the hull.

"_Kim!"_ Ron yelled.

Sadie reported again. "Neutron cutting beam is compromising the hull. Explosive decompression in 10 seconds."

"Ok, Ron, NOW! Emergency Deceleration!"

Ron hit the controls, bringing the Explorer from Warp 9.9 to zero velocity in a matter of seconds. The artificial gravity generators screamed in protest, but not enough to keep the crew from being thrown around violently as the ship ground to a halt. Sparks flew as systems overloaded, and the ship lurched from one side to the other as the cube's neutron cutting beam disengaged.

Emanating from the _Explorer's_ warp engines, the massive energy pulse caused by their sudden stop struck the Berg cube full force, not only knocking it out of warp, but also obliterating the entire side that faced the _Explorer_. The lights on the cube flickered briefly, then went out completely. The cube hung dead in space.

The emergency lighting had activated on the bridge of the _Explorer_. Kim waved her hands to try and clear some of the smoke. "Is everyone okay?"

Ron picked himself up off of the floor. "Looks like we're a little shaken up, Kim, but okay otherwise. How are you doing, Rufus?"

Rufus rubbed a small bump on his head. "_Ohh, I'm okay!"_

Bonnie was inspecting her face in her compact. "Kim! I've got a horrible blemish from all this stress!"

Kim just rolled her eyes as she turned to the computer. "Sadie! What's our status?"

"Warp drive, main power and all other systems offline. Life support currently operating on emergency battery power."

Kim turned toward the computer. "Sadie, main screen on. Can you scan the Berg ship?"

Sadie replied, "Yes. Berg systems also temporarily down, damage to the cube's forward hull."

"Can you estimate how soon before they restore their power?"

"It probably won't take them long, Kim. I estimate 15 minutes."

Kim hit her comm badge. "B'wana! We need power back on quick, before the Berg can repair themselves!"

B'wana coughed through the smoke in Engineering as she replied, "Things are a mess down here, Captain! I'll do what I can, but it'll be awhile. I'll let you know when I have a better idea. Torrid out."

Just then, Bonnie started to receive a new radio transmission. "_Six? Six of Eight? Can you hear me? It's the Doctor!"_

With a puzzled look on her face, she asked, "Doctor who?"

"_No, not 'Doctor Who', that's another series entirely! This is Dr. Possible, and I seem to be the Emergency Medical Holograph in this show. But I'm not on the Explorer, I'm trapped on the Berg cube!"_

Bonnie's eyes widened. "Kim! Your dad's OK, but he's some kind of Emergency Medical Hula-Hoop, and he's on that cubie thingy over there!"

Kim was visibly relieved at the good news that her father was all right. "Dad's OK? That's great! But where is he on that ship, and how can we get him back here?"

Sadie responded, "I've located his position via his commlink." A small blinking red light appeared on the screen showing his location on the Berg cube. "The transporters are down, but the _Alpha Flyer_ is still operational. I'm downloading his coordinates to its navicomputer. Ron can pick him up."

"No, we'll all go," Kim ordered. I don't want us split up if we can help it."

Sadie replied, "Then just step into the turbolift everyone, and I'll take you to the shuttle bay. And good luck, Kim!"

In moments, they were all on the hanger deck, boarding the _Alpha Flyer_. Ron was even more excited than usual. "This is so cool, Kim! We're saving your dad, and I get to fly the coolest shuttlecraft in _Space Passage_ history!"

"Whoop! Whoop! Geek alert, Kim!" was Bonnie's reply.

Kim grinned. "Bonnie, just be thankful that Ron is a geek, or else you might be spending a lot more time as a former Berg drone . . ."

Bonnie's hand shot up to the implant above her eyebrow. "I take it back!" she yelled.

And with that, Ron piloted the _Alpha Flyer_ towards the disabled Berg cube.

* * *

Ron followed the coordinates that Sadie had provided, and soon they flew through the Berg cube's residual shielding and into the cube itself.

Bonnie spotted Dr. P first. "There he is, Kim!"

Dr. P waved as he saw them approach and land. As soon as the hatch opened, Kim rushed to him, giving him a big hug.

"Dad! I'm so glad you're OK!"

Mr. Dr. P smiled. "Oh, I'm fine, Kimmie-Cub. But we better get out of here before the Berg can restore their systems."

Kim frowned. "But if they restore their power before we can, we're back at square one. Too bad this cube doesn't have a self-destruct switch."

All eyes suddenly turned to Ron.

"Huh? Oh, right," he complained. "Whenever someone wants something blown up, just ask Ron."

He thought for a moment, then brightened up suddenly. "Wait! _I've got an idea_." Ron smiled conspiringly at the Doctor. "Dr. P, can you interface my iPod into this Berg regeneration node thingy?"

Dr. P took Ron's iPod. "Sure, Ronald, but why would . . . ah! Episode 75?"

Ron's eye's gleamed with a devilish look. "Right you are, Mr. Dr. P!" He continued in a hushed tone. "_The Next Incarnation, Episode 75_."

Bonnie simply crossed her arms and petulantly asked, "Does anybody other than these geeks know what they're talking about?"

Kim smiled. "Trust me, Bonnie, I think these geeks are going to save our skins."

A voice from behind them intoned, "If you have any skin _left_, that is."

Kim spun around as she recognized who had just uttered those words.

"Queen Shego, I presume?" Kim immediately crouched into a defensive posture.

Shego stood before them, her green glow pulsing malevolently as she casually walked towards Kim. "You got it, Kimmie. You're not the only one with sensors to pick up the Doctor's location."

Kim noticed her new Berg attire. "Still green and black, Shego? That's _so_ last week!"

"Still a smart-mouth cheerleader? Let's see if I can rectify that. Once you've been assimilated into the Berg Collection, _Princess_, you'll make a nice personal slave to me, _your new Queen!"_

Kim looked perplexed. "Assimi-what?"

Shego shot back, "_Assimilated!_ AS-SIM-IL-ATE . . . oh, never mind. You'll find out soon enough."

Shego fired a plasma blast at Kim, which she deftly avoided. The blast ruptured an induction pipe, spraying Ron with a burst of steam.

"Ow! Ow!" Ron screamed, grabbing his behind. "Hot steamy badness!"

Kim raced to attack Shego, but before she could close the distance, Bonnie yelled, "Kim! No!"

Bonnie launched herself at Kim, knocking her out of the way, but failing to avoid Shego's assimilation tubules herself. The tubes pierced deep into Bonnie's neck, as she gasped in surprise.

Shego smirked at Bonnie. "Ha! Berg nanoprobes are now coursing through your veins. Your assimilation will begin immediately, and your friends are next!"

"I don't think so, Flame Queen! Been there, done that!" And with a quick back flip, she landed deftly behind Shego. Launching a powerful kick, she caught Shego off guard and knocked her into a regeneration alcove, which promptly exploded. Shego was now out cold.

Ron yelled, "Wow, Bonnie's stepped up, Kim-style! Way to go, _Six of Eight_!"

Kim was astounded. "Thanks, Bonnie! That . . that was amazing! How did you do that?"

Bonnie just smirked. "Well Kim, I already had those nano-proby thingies in me, and they allowed me to kinda . . . listen in on Miss Green Queen's thoughts. She was expecting an attack from you, not me. And as much as I'd like to be the cheer squad leader, I don't think I'd be happy with you totally out of the picture as a Berg drone."

"Kim as a Berg?" Ron shuddered. "Yeah, that'd be just so sick and wrong! Right, Rufus?"

"_Yeah, wrongsick!"_ the naked mole rat agreed.

Suddenly, a low hum was heard, rapidly escalating both in pitch and volume. Sparks began to shoot from wall panels, and explosions were heard emanating from deep within the ship.

The Doctor spoke. "Time to leave, kids! _Rockets are go!"_

"Um, Mr. Dr. P, that's a _Captain Constellation _tag line," Ron pointed out.

Dr. P chuckled, "Ohhhh, I know, Ronald, but that's the best I could come up with on short notice. But if the shoe fits. . ."

As they all began to climb back into the _Alpha Flyer_, Drakutus appeared from out of a corridor on the Berg ship. As he tried to help Shego up, he yelled, "Six of Eight! You think you're all that, _but you're not_!"

Bonnie slyly looked over at Kim. "Oooh, does that mean I have a _new signature line_, Kim_?"_

Before Kim could launch a smart retort, Ron interceded. "Don't worry about it Kim, we're almost done with this sitch, and _Six of Eight_. Remember that she helped you defeat a _super-Shego_ evil, and that Bonnie's only _high-school_ evil. A half-Berg hottie evil . . ."

"_Ron . . .!"_ Kim warned, as they all strapped themselves in.

Ron quickly backpedaled. "Sorry KP! Just drifted for a moment. But I do have some Halloween costume ideas for you . . ."

Dr. P cleared his throat. "And I have some _black hole_ ideas for you too, Ronald."

Ron gulped, blanching at the thought.

"_Teenage_ _b__oys_ . . ." Kim sighed in exasperation. "By the way, Ron, how did you and my Dad manage to start the Berg self-destruct back there?"

Ron leaned back in his command seat, hands behind his head and a slightly smug look on his face. "Oh, I just set my iPod to repeat _The Naked Mole Rap_ on continuous play. When we tied it into one of the Berg regeneration nodes, it set up an uncontrollable feedback loop, and _viola!_ Self-destruct sequence, Cap'n Kim! _Ah-Booyah!"_

Kim giggled, "That's _voila_, Ron, but you and Dad still rock. Which reminds me . . ." Kim picked up her Kimmunicator. "Wade, time to bring us home. Wade? Are you there, Wade?" The Kimmunicator appeared to be dead. Kim flipped it over, and spotted a jagged piece of Berg induction pipe poking through the back. "Oh, just great. Okay, everybody, time for Plan B. Ron, do we have the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler with us?"

"Yup, KP, got it right here. But didn't Wade say . . ."

"No time, Ron! That cube's going to blow up any second!" Kim hit her comm badge one last time. "Sadie! The Berg ship is about to self-destruct! What's your status?"

Sadie's calm voice came on line. "Kim, Lt. Torrid has one of the impulse engines running and we're moving away from the Berg cube. We also have minimal shields back, so we should withstand the explosion."

Kim breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good news, Sadie. I'm placing Lt. Torrid temporarily in command. We've made . . . other plans, and won't be returning to the ship. It was great working with you again, Sadie."

Kim could almost feel Sadie smile. "Understood, Kim. The pleasure has been all mine. Good luck. _Explorer_ out."

Kim turned to her Dad and Bonnie. "OK, everybody, stand by. Ron, punch it!"

As Ron pushed the button to take them into a new episode, the Berg cube exploded in a magnificent fireball, sending huge fragments of metal hurtling harmlessly into space.

* * *

_Well, Captain Kim and the crew of the Explorer seem to have acquitted themselves quite well against Drakutus and Shego. And kudos of those who guessed Shego would be the Berg Queen, and that Mr. Dr. P should be puttting in an appearance in our little space opera. But will they be making it all the way back home yet, or are there further complications as they try to return to reality? There are more surprises in store, so stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!_


	15. The Name Is Blond, James Blond

_Disclaimer: Disney Corp owns Kim Possible, not me. And neither of us owns the James Bond franchise, but they might just as well . . . _

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wade nervously slurped on his soda. He was getting worried since he hadn't been able to reach anyone on the Kimmunicator, and was afraid that their current sitch might not have turned out for the best. Suddenly he had a terrifying thought. "Oh, no! What if that episode turns out to be the season finale, and they're stuck in limbo for 4 months?"

He shook off his concern as he continued to make adjustments to the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer. He frowned as he made an unfortunate discovery. "Oh, great! It looks like the power conduit is routed directly through the fail-safe device, which is connected to both the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer and the self-destruct mechanism. Unless I turn the analyzer back on, I could set off the self-destruct if I try to pull them back!"

Wade sighed deeply. Reluctantly, he switched the analyzer back on, hoping he could find a way to disconnect the self-destruct mechanism without frying the rest of the circuitry, and hoping that his friends would be spared too many more embarrassing or dangerous situations . . .

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Ron found himself smartly dressed in a tuxedo and walking down a white corridor.

"Hey, where's everybody else?" he wondered out loud.

Ron stopped when the all too familiar background music started. "Uh, oh . . ."

A camera was tracking him through the barrel of a gun. But instead of the Ron suddenly drawing his weapon and firing on the unseen assailant, the gun barrel began firing.

"AAHH! Stop shooting at me!" he yelled, running away as several shots whizzed by him, much too close for comfort. But close enough for . . .

"Not my pants! AGAIN? _What is with you people_!" he wailed as he ran for cover, leaving his bullet-ridden tux pants behind on the floor.

The opening credits began to roll, announcing the title of the newest James Blond movie; _Tomorrow's World Never Dies Enough._ As the sultry voice of Christy Carlson Romano crooned the seductive theme song, Kim's lithe form was clearly recognizable as she swam by in silhouette. Ron immediately followed her, doing a frog kick and obviously holding the Quantum Reverser under his arm. Rufus dogpaddled close behind, chattering away and holding on to the battery pack, which had once again fallen out. Bringing up the rear, Shego swam furiously trying to catch up with the heroes. Still in silhouette, she stopped swimming for a moment when she noticed the camera focused on her.

"HEY! I thought I told you guys that I don't bake cakes, and I don't jump out of them!" With a grunt and a bright green plasma flash, the credits vaporized as the movie began.

The scene cut to the headquarters of MI6, and the well-appointed outer office its director, known only as 'N'. "Whoa! I'm James Blond? Booyah! How cool is that?" Ron stepped through the door and charmingly greeted the secretary.

"Hello, Miss Hennypenny. You're looking particularly beautiful today."

She smiled and replied, "Oh, James, always the charmer."

The intercom snapped on, and the impatient voice of MI6's director was heard. "Oh, _do_ stop flirting with the staff and get in here, Mr. Blond!"

Ron sighed, "Sorry, Hennypenny, but duty calls."

Miss Hennypenny giggled. "Certainly, James, but you can't go in there like _that_ now, can you?"

Ron looked down and saw that he was still without his pants, his Wonder Weasel shorts sporting a few bullet holes for good measure.

Ron blushed as he quickly rushed for the door and said, "Please tell 'N' I'll be back in five minutes . . ."

A few minutes later, Ron was in conference with 'N,' who bore a striking resemblance to Dr. Director of Global Justice. "Small world," he said under his breath.

One of 'N's eyebrows rose slightly. "What was that, Double Uh Oh?"

"Nothing, 'N.' Please continue."

With a slight shrug, 'N' began. "Many years ago, the organization known as SPECTER was one of our most dangerous adversaries, until it was defeated by one of your predecessors. Unfortunately, SPECTER has once again reared its ugly head, and threatens to take over the world through nuclear blackmail."

'N' pushed a button and a screen scrolled down from the ceiling. The photo that appeared showed a blue-skinned villain all too familiar to Ron.

"This is Dr. Yes, now in command of SPECTER. He's a scientific genius, and we've confirmed that he has perfected a practical time travel device. However, he's extremely eccentric and rather . . . disorganized. We believe the real brains behind the organization is this person."

The projector advanced to the next photo, revealing another familiar face, tinged with a hint of green. She was clad in her classic colors of green and black, but instead of her normal jumpsuit, she instead wore a tight-fitting and rather low cut leather dress. "Miss Shego Goodthighs is as dangerous as she is beautiful, so please don't get any ideas, Double Uh Oh."

The goofy grin that had appeared on Ron's face quickly disappeared after N's last comment. Ron cleared his throat before replying. "Let me guess: my assignment is to retrieve the time machine if possible, destroy it if it's not, and avoid any . . . entanglements . . . with the enemy." A vision of being attacked by a bevy of crazed supermodels flashed unbidden through his mind.

"Very good, James. Oh, and one more thing. Dr. Yes has obtained a small nuclear device through the Russian black market, and threatens to use it unless his demands are met."

"Ah. Total world domination, I presume?"

"Unfortunately so, James. And with a practical time machine, he'll be able to transport the device to anywhere, anytime." N's face darkened. "This is a threat unlike any we have ever faced before. It would be impossible to overstate the seriousness of the situation."

Ron smiled inwardly as he could hear Kim saying, "Anything's possible for a Possible."

'N' continued. "If there's any good news at all, it's that the device isn't actually in his hands yet. However, it is about to be delivered to him by a liaison between SPECTER and the Russians. Here's the only photo we have of her." The projector advanced to the next slide, and Ron's jaw dropped as he immediately recognized Bonnie.

"This is Bunnitailya Rockwalskaya, working undercover as a ballet dancer with the Kiev Ballet. They're scheduled for a performance of Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake_ this evening in Nice, where we believe Dr. Yes will meet her and obtain the device. You must do everything possible to prevent that from happening, James. Oh, and we're also assigning one of America's top agents to assist you. She's an expert in nuclear weapon miniaturization as well as hand-to-hand combat, and is fluent in both French and Russian. She'll be a great help to you on this assignment."

'N' pushed a button, and a striking young redhead entered the room. Wearing a slender black dress with an attractive slit up the thigh, she leisurely sashayed over to Ron as 'N' introduced her. "James, meet Kimberly St. Bullederriere."

Ron was overjoyed to see Kim again, but Kim seemed a bit non-plussed for some reason. He took her hand while doing his best Sean Connery imitation. "A pleasure, Ms. Bullederriere. I'm sure that we'll be a perfect fit for each other on this mission."

Kim pursed her lips as she whispered under her breath, "I know this is a James Blond movie, _Ron_, but would you watch the double-entendres please?"

Without missing a beat, Ron winked at Kim and whispered back, "Of course, Kim! Just playing the part." Rufus then popped out of Ron's pocket and mischievously said, "_Playing the part, Uh huh, uh huh!"_ Ron kissed Kim's hand gently, and she began to relax as a smile began to play at her lips.

'N' cleared her throat, which immediately gained the pair's attention. "Your plane for Nice leaves in an hour: you're both registered at the Hotel Negresco under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Blond." 'N' handed them their tickets. "And stop by R&D for your briefing, Double Uh Oh. Good luck to you both." And with that, they left the room and headed for the R&D lab.

As they walked down the hallway, Ron ventured a question. "Kim, when I first saw you just now, you didn't seem too happy. What's your damage?"

Kim sighed as she replied, "You don't understand French, do you, Ron?"

"Nope. _Bueno Nacho_ is my foreign language of preference, if you hadn't noticed. Why?"

Kim started to blush. "My name. _Bullederriere_ means _Bubble Butt_ in French." She clenched her fist and grumbled, "Drakken will _so pay for this_ . . ."

It was now Ron's turn to blush as he began to snicker. "Don't worry Kim. Your mom's nickname for you will be our little secret." He choked down an even larger chuckle as they entered the R&D lab.

As they strolled down the aisle, they noticed several white-coated lab technicians working on some unusual new weapons. One technician opened what appeared to be a packet of Bueno Nacho hot sauce, labeled Super Ultra Extra Hot. He squeezed a few drops onto a steel plate that was more than a foot thick, promptly burning a hole not only through the steel plate, but completely through the floor as well and into the basement. Muffled screams could be heard from below. Ron and Kim involuntarily shuddered.

A familiar voice tinged with an English accent then addressed them. "Ah, yes. Our newest super solvent. It will eat through practically anything. Ironically, it's only slightly stronger than Bueno Nacho's hottest taco sauce."

Before them stood MI6's pre-eminent R&D scientist, known only as 'P.'

"Mr. Dr. P!" Ron exclaimed.

Switching to his normal voice, he replied, "No, just 'P' in this movie, Ronald. But I must admit, I've always had a terrific affinity for this character." Dr. P chuckled. "Ah, the amazing technological devices, the incredible cars . . . they all remind me of my favorite times back in college." His smile faded a bit as he continued. "Hmm. Well Ronald, it looks like you're cast as James Blond, super spy and ultimate lady-killer. And Kim, his super spy associate and Blond Girl?" Dr. P cocked an eyebrow as his frown deepened. Ron and Kim both blushed and grinned sheepishly as they tried to think of something to say. "I trust that you'll both remember that this is just a movie we're trapped in, and not let yourselves get too . . . buried in your characters?"

Ron's face was now a bright shade of crimson. "Absolutely, Dr. P! No question, sir!"

Dr. P smiled. "That's good, Ronald. I trust you'll both be on your best behavior. Or else I have just two words for you."

Ron swallowed apprehensively. "Wh-what would those words be, Dr. P?"

"Black hole, Ronald. _Deep space_ black hole."

"Uh, that's four words, sir."

Kim went suddenly pale at Ron's comment, as she desperately gave him a slashing motion to stop.

"And you, young lady. You had better be the good Blond Girl. _Very_ good."

Kim smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, Dad. We'll be on our best behavior, no matter what sitch Dr. Drakken sticks us into. I promise I'll be very good."

With a devilish grin, Ron couldn't help but say under his breath, "Yeah, _very_ good," earning him a sharp poke in the ribs from Kim.

Quickly assuming his character's accent once again, Dr. P continued. "Now listen carefully, Double Uh Oh. Your car is the most advanced vehicle yet that we've been able to design. Not only does it have the standard machine guns, tire shredders, oil slick and smoke generators, bulletproof glass and ejection seats, but we've given it submersible capability to 100 feet, as well as VTOL capability."

Ron's jaw dropped as his face lit up. "You mean this bon-diggity thing can fly? _Booyah!_"

Several technicians were quickly making final adjustments on the car. Kim could have sworn that she saw her brothers Jim and Tim in small lab coats adjusting the propulsion rockets.

"Oh, and _do_ try to bring it back in one piece if you don't mind, Double Uh Oh? We'll be loading it into your plane straightaway."

And with that, Ron and Kim headed to the airport on their latest mission to save the world.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

_So sorry for the long delay in posting this next chapter! Blame it on a combo of grading final exams, major writer's block and general exhaustion. And this new chapter held a number of additional challenges for me. I wanted to write a 007 sitch, but felt the need to tone down the usual overt sexual overtones associated with the James Bond genre in order to keep within the context of a late season 4 KP episode. But I still wanted the James Bond flavor, and so I tried to keep any innuendos in context with our heroes still being in high school, and a Disney one at that. Never mind Disney's obvious subtext of sexy cheerleaders and drop-dead gorgeous femme fatales . . . Add to that the challenge of KP already being a parody of the 007 spy and action genre, and trying to come up with a reasonable plot that fit my storyline while being creatively different enough from a regular episode, and so . . . well, you be the judge of how successful I've been. That's kinda the point, right, my bon-diggity friends? Update hopefully by next week. Until then, enjoy! MA_


	16. Double Uh Oh: License To Drive

_Disclaimer: Disney may own Kim Possible, but the Great Blue will defeat you all!_

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The airliner banked low over the deep blue Mediterranean Sea on its final approach to the airport at Nice. Ron was smiling as he looked out the window, while Rufus cheerfully munched on a small bag of peanuts.

"Y'know KP, it's been a long time since we haven't needed to eject from a plane to get to a mission. And I didn't need to break the seat to get us into first class!"

Kim stretched out and sighed, "Yup, it feels great for once to just sit back and relax, and . . ."

"Uh, Kim, I think we have a problem."

Ron had spotted a familiar-looking aircar in the distance. It suddenly fired an air-to-air missile, which rapidly streaked directly toward their plane.

"This would be so cool if that wasn't going to _kill us!_"

The gentle ping of the "Please Fasten Your Seatbelts" sign was drowned out by the sudden screaming of the passengers. Warning klaxons began to sound, and the plane lurched to one side as the pilot tried to avoid the missile. But passenger planes weren't designed for evasive maneuvers, and the missile's speed made an impact inevitable. It hit the port engine and immediately exploded, jagged shards of metal peppering the wing. Flaming jet fuel began streaming behind the now crippled airliner.

"KP! Quick! Follow me!" Ron yelled, grabbing Kim's arm. He quickly wrenched open a hatch in the floor and jumped through, pulling Kim along with him and into the cargo bay.

"But Ron, what . . ."

"No time, Kim! Get in the car, quick!" Ron punched a button on his key remote, and the doors on his spy car popped open. He slammed his palm on the cargo bay's emergency door release button as he and Kim jumped into the car. Ron simultaneously hit the button for the release straps and the rocket actuators as the slipstream pulled the car out of the bay.

Kim had a rare look of panic on her face as the car began to free-fall rapidly towards the Mediterranean. Rufus barely had time to say "Whoa!" before the rockets kicked in, and Ron gained control of the now airborne spy car. Quickly accelerating, he gained altitude and passed the burning airliner. With a few deft maneuvers, he positioned the car in front of the burning plane.

"Kim, open the glove compartment and push the green button!"

Kim quickly complied, and a new row of buttons appeared.

"Now when I say, hit the black button on the end. This is gonna be close!"

Ron maneuvered the car even closer to the plane, and was now only a few feet away from the burning wing.

"Now Kim! Punch it!"

Kim hit the button, and a white cloud of supercooled carbon dioxide spewed out from behind the car. After a few seconds the flames behind the wing began to recede, then went out completely.

Kim gasped, "You did it, Ron! The fire's out! You saved the plane!"

Rufus simply twirled around and passed out with a sigh from all the excitement, as Ron landed the spy car on an access road beside the airport. They climbed out of the car and watched as the airliner made a safe, if bumpy landing. Emergency vehicles were quickly en route, but the disaster had been averted.

After Kim had caught her breath, she exclaimed, "Ron, that was amazing! How did you know this car could do all that?"

Ron just smirked, "Oh, I just took the time to read the owner's manual on our flight over. My momma didn't raise no fool, _ah-booyah!"_

Kim looked longingly at Ron for a moment, then just fell into his arms and began kissing him very deeply. After a few moments, and with lipstick now smeared all over his face, he simply thought, "_Oh yeah, this is real nice, yes . . ." _

But before things could heat up too much more, a small "ahem" from Rufus brought them both back into the present. Ron cleared his throat, smiled and motioned to the car. "C'mon Kim, we've got a ballet to disrupt! But first we better check into the hotel."

As they began to drive off, a pensive look appeared on Kim's face. "Ron, something doesn't seem quite right here. Drakken and Shego have tried to do us in before on several occasions, but they've never directly targeted innocent civilians. It sounds like it could be an effect of the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer, but I thought you said that Wade shut it off."

"Yeah, you're right, KP. That was over the top even for Drakken. He's always wanted to take over the world, but he's not a cold-blooded murderer. But that was right in character for a James Blond super villain . . ." Ron frowned. "Too bad we can't reach Wade to see what's going on."

Rufus suddenly began to chatter excitedly as he grabbed the damaged Kimmunicator and scampered into the back seat. Opening an access panel, he retrieved a miniature tool kit. He soon had the Kimmunicator up on tiny chocks, and the flicker of a minuscule acetylene torch could be seen reflecting off of his tiny welder's goggles. A high-pitched drill was then heard, followed by a small whiff of smoke as connections were soldered. In another moment, Rufus exclaimed "_Tah-dah!"_ as he triumphantly held up the now-repaired Kimmunicator in his tiny paws.

"Way to go, _Rufus!_" yelled Ron. Kim added, "Good little naked mole rat!" and activated their lifeline to Wade. The Kimmunicator immediately sounded its familiar ring tone.

Kim beamed as Wade appeared. "What up, Wade?"

Wade was overjoyed to see them. "Kim! Ron! I'm so glad you guys are okay! I was really worried there. What's your sitch?"

Kim replied, "We're in a James Blond movie, with Ron as _you-know-who_, but it looks like everyone is in the sitch this time. How soon can you pull us all back?"

Wade frowned. "Uh, bad news Kim. The self-destruct is tied into the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer, and I had to turn it back on in order not to fry the circuitry or cause an explosion. I'm still working on getting you all safely back, but it'll still be awhile."

Kim nodded. "Thanks Wade, that explains a lot." Ron was still wiping off some of Kim's lipstick from his face. "Now we've got to prevent Dr. Yes and Shego Goodthighs . . ."

Wade suddenly spit out the soda he'd been drinking. "What was that you said? Shego _Goodthighs_?"

Kim sighed. "Yeah, that's Shego's character in this sitch, and Drakken is Dr. Yes. My dad is 'P', MI6's genius inventor, and Bonnie is a ballet dancer named Bunnitailya Rockwalskaya."

Wade burst out laughing. "_Bunnitailya?_ Oh, that's rich. I guess she's the bad Blond Girl? Uh, which makes you . . . the _good_ Blond Girl?" A sly smile began to appear on Wade's face. "And what's _your_ character's name, Kim?"

Ron was about to answer, but one quick look from Kim told him that would be a _very_ bad idea.

"Never mind, Wade," she said through gritted teeth.

Wade was by now more than just a little curious, but let it slide. "Oh, well, I guess you can tell me later. Oh, and uh, there's one more problem, Kim."

Kim just put her head in her hand and sighed, "What now, Wade?"

"While I was getting a soda refill, Jim and Tim snuck in here and activated the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer before I could stop them. Your mom told me that they saw all you guys on TV and must have wanted to get in on the action. They're probably somewhere in your sitch by now."

Kim exploded. "WHAT!? I _thought_ I saw them here! Those stupid Tweebs! I'll wring both of their scrawny little necks when I catch them!"

"Chill out, KP!" Ron interjected. "If you saw them, they're probably with your dad, so they're safe for the moment. And come to think of it, I guess it's no coincidence that my spy car bears a bon-diggity resemblance to your Sloth 2.0 . . ."

Kim calmed down a bit. "You're right, Ron, thanks." She turned back to the Kimmunicator. "Okay, Wade, that's two more you need to bring back now. But Drakken has a time machine _and_ is about to get a black-market nuclear device to threaten the world with, so none of us have much time. We'll be back in touch once we retrieve that nuke."

"Wow. I guess no nukes is good nukes, huh?" Wade snorted. "Okay, guys. Good luck!"

Kim closed the connection just as they pulled up to the Hotel Negresco, Nice's classiest upscale hotel. After checking in, they found that 'N' had booked them into the Honeymoon Suite.

As he tipped the bellhop, Ron pulled awkwardly at his collar as they entered the suite. "Uh, KP, you know that I really do like you a whole lot, but this a bit . . ."

"Awkweird?" Kim finished, and began to blush. "Yeah, but it _is_ kinda nice, don't you think?" She briefly recalled the wedding dress she had worn in their recent soap opera sitch, and then her mind wandered to a possible event sometime in the future . . .

"Yeah, Kim, it is. Uh, but seriously, even though this is just a movie sitch we're in, we're both still who we really are, and, uh . . ."

Kim put a finger to his lips, then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Ron. I've always known that deep down you're a gentleman. At least when you're essential _Ronness_ doesn't get in the way," she giggled.

Ron blushed and smiled back at Kim. "Thanks, KP. Well, what say we go catch the bad guys and save the world, one more time?"

Kim quickly agreed. "Sounds great, Ron! Or should I say, _James_?"

"Yeah, but it's too bad this city doesn't have a Bueno Nacho. I'm kinda hungry for some snackage!"

Kim sighed. "_After _we save the world, _Nacho Boy_ . . ."

Ron and Kim quickly made their way to the _Opera de Nice_, where the ballet was being performed. Unable to find a parking place and not wanting to trust his spy car to a valet, he parked in a red zone.

Kim frowned. "Ron, you can't park here, you'll get towed!"

Ron just smiled and pulled out an unusual-looking parking tag, which he hung on the rear view mirror. Doing another Sean Connery imitation, he replied, "James Blond, License To Park."

As they walked towards the opera house, they failed to spot a suspicious-looking aircar parked just behind it.

After finding their seats and looking at the program, Ron asked, "What's with this ballet, Kim? _Swine Lake_? Who wants to see dancing pigs?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "That's _Swan_ Lake, Ron. You're thinking of _The_ _Muppet Show_."

"Oh yeah! _The Muppet Show_! Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. Good times_, _good times . . ."

"Focus, _James_. We've got to either spot Drakken and Shego before they can meet up with Bonnie, or else find that miniature nuke first. It's probably in some kind of suitcase in her dressing room."

The lights dimmed as the ballet began. The curtain rose, and Bunnitailya Rockwalskaya danced onto the stage, performing the role of Odette. Cursed by an evil magician, Odette is swan by day and returns to her human form only at night. Dressed in a beautiful white tutu, Bonnie began dancing a _pas de deux_ with the romantic lead, Prince Siegfried.

Kim was impressed with how well she was doing. "Wow, she's good!" she whispered. Suddenly realizing that she had just complimented her rival in front of Ron, she warned him, "But don't you _dare_ tell her I said that!"

Ron playfully jested, "Ooh, jellin' a little, Kim? She _should_ be good: she's only been studying ballet since grade school. You missed her performance in that talent show when you were delayed by that fight with Drakken and Shego before you could show up. But honestly KP, I really preferred your singing over her dancing." He then smirked, "And besides, I beat you _both_ in that talent contest."

Kim whispered back, "Yeah, but there's a lot more at stake now than just a talent show, Ron. We've got to figure out a way to keep track of her."

"Well, the only time that Drakken and Bonnie can meet is when she's not onstage, which would be during one of the intermissions." Ron studied the program, then read some of the program notes. His face suddenly brightened up.

"Hey KP, I've got an idea! Take this and go behind stage and see if you can locate Bonnie's dressing room." He handed her a small device. "If that nuke is here, this directional Geiger counter should give you a good idea when you're close. Rufus, you stay here and watch for Drakken and Shego. If you see either of them, cause a distraction of some kind, preferably big."

Rufus chattered in agreement. "_Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Big one!"_

Kim hesitated. "Ron, I'm almost afraid to ask. What are _you_ going to be doing?"

A sly grin appeared on Ron's face as he explained. "In the next act, the magician who cast the spell on Bonnie's character will be dancing with her doing a . . . looks like a _pass dee dukes_."

"That's _pas de deux_, Ron."

"Yeah, whatever. The magician's name is von Rothbart, and he's usually portrayed as an evil owl, so his face is always covered with a mask. All I have to do is grab his costume and I'll keep Bonnie busy on stage while you look for that nuke."

Kim was appalled. "Ron! Are you crazy? You're not a ballet dancer!"

"Hey, I went trick or treating as one . . . once. And besides, I can just fill in with some of my cheerleading moves until you can grab that nuke."

Kim groaned, "Oh, man, I'm glad this is just a movie we're in . . ."

As soon as the intermission began, Kim and Ron stealthily made their way backstage, sneaking past the security guards and hiding in the shadows behind the curtains. A small light on Kim's Geiger counter began to pulse.

Kim whispered, "Ron, I'm getting a signal. That device is definitely here!"

Ron answered, "Okay, as soon as the next act begins, you know what to do. Time for Ron to do some owl hunting!"

No sooner had he spoken than Bonnie walked by, making her way to the stage. Following a few steps behind her was von Rothbart. Ron tapped him on the shoulder as he passed, saying, "Excuse me, but what time does the next swan leave?"

Von Rothbart stuttered, "What? Who are you? What are . . ."

He was cut short by a puff of knockout gas from Ron's spy ring. "Ooh, cool! I hope I get to keep this!"

Ron gently eased him to the floor, but quickly discovered that von Rothbart's costume was in one piece, including the mask. Try as he might, he couldn't figure out how to remove the costume, and time was running out. Ron then heard the chimes signaling the end of intermission.

"Oh, man, what am I going to do now? Think, Ron-man, think! What would the real James Blond do?" He suddenly snapped his fingers. "Of course! Improvise!"

He quickly pulled out his collapsible make-up kit, which had been super-compressed within his dinner jacket. After it sprung to full size, he quickly rummaged through it. "Plan B, here we come . . ."

In the meantime, Kim had located Bonnie's dressing room. The Geiger counter was flashing brightly and more quickly, so she was sure the bomb was in her room. She quickly slipped inside, quietly shutting the door and flipping on the light. And suddenly came face to face with . . .

"Shego Goodthighs, I presume?"

"Well, if it isn't little Miss Priss! Come to play _spy_, Kimmie?"

Kim could hardly help but notice Shego's new outfit. Her black leather miniskirt revealed her shapely legs, no doubt giving rise to her moniker for the current sitch. Her green form-fitting scoop neck top was also more than just a little revealing.

"Well Shego, this is a new low even for you. As in, if that blouse were cut any lower, we'd have to change the rating of this story!"

"Look who's talking, Ms. Slinky Black Dress with a slit up to the waist!"

"All the better to fight you in, Shego!"

"Bring it on, _Cupcake_!" And with a _whoosh_ she fired up her green plasma and launched into an attack.

Kim quickly sidestepped the attack and used Shego's momentum against her as if Kim were a bullfighter, smashing Shego into the wall with a thud. Shego recovered quickly, firing two plasma bolts in quick succession, missing Kim by mere inches, but searing her black dress on both sides.

"Hey! I might have to return this, you know!"

Shego sneered, "Yeah? Well, return _this!_"

She fired off several more quick plasma bursts at Kim, but Kim quickly grabbed a large metal make-up mirror and easily deflected each of the bolts. In the heat of battle, neither of them noticed that one of the plasma bolts had ricocheted off the latch of a rather large suitcase beneath the make-up table.

Kim charged Shego, and with a yell, launched herself over her adversary to land one-handed on the table, delivering a quick scissors kick. Shego was knocked back into the already weakened wall, which gave way under the impact. Likewise, the make-up table collapsed under the pressure of Kim's momentum, knocking the suitcase open. Kim quickly regained her balance and tossed aside the remains of the table, inadvertently hitting a now-exposed button that lit up the device's control panel. Only someone fluent in Russian could have read the Cyrillic lettering, but the numbers that began a 5-minute countdown were unmistakable. But no one noticed, as Kim had just left through the collapsed wall in pursuit of Shego.

Meanwhile, the next act of the ballet had begun. Bonnie appeared on the stage and had just begun a pirouette when she suddenly stopped short. Instead of the character of von Rothbart, she found herself face to face with . . .

"_The Mad Dog Mascot?"_ Bonnie froze in place as she stared incredulously at Ron in his old cheer outfit. "Stoppable, get off the stage! You'll ruin the whole ballet!"

The audience gasped in shock as Ron began his classic Mad Dog routine, complete with foaming mouth flinging shaving cream all over the stage.

"No way, Bunnitailya! I'm here to stop you from turning that nuke over to Dr. Yes!"

Half the audience was responding in indignation at the sudden turn of events. The other half was in stitches, assuming that it was some kind of new avant-garde choreography.

Bonnie quickly switched to her classic cheerleading moves as she tried to avoid Ron. "Get lost, _loser!_ You have no idea what's really going on! You'll ruin everything!" Suddenly she slipped on some of the foam, ingloriously falling on her behind.

Most of the audience had by now broken out in fits of laughter, when a smartly dressed blue-skinned man suddenly stood up. "Oh, this is _not_ good. I'd better find Shego before that meddlesome Kim Possible shows up, if it's not already too late."

Rufus immediately spotted Drakken and began to create his diversion, running into the aisle and performing the Dying Swan routine, complete with his unmistakable chatter. Coughing and gasping as loudly as he could, he staggered back and forth in the aisle. A woman in the audience began to scream. "Aaah! It's a hideous rat! It's probably rabid! _Run for your lives!_" Panic ensued as the audience nearby began to run for the exits, and Drakken was swept along in the mass exodus.

At just that moment, Shego ran onstage, grunting as she fired off bolt after bolt of plasma into the wings as Kim entered running full throttle towards her. Kim somersaulted to avoid Shego's attack, and deftly landed behind her as she tried to grapple her to the floor. But the stage was now covered in Ron's slippery Mad Dog foam, and Shego gave a big "Whoop!" as her legs shot out from under her, landing her on her bottom just like Bonnie had moments before. But unlike Bonnie's muslin tutu, Shego's leather skirt was much more slippery, and her momentum continued to carry her across the stage. Sliding off the stage and into the orchestra pit, she landed ignominiously onto the bass drum, ripping it apart with a dull thud.

Drakken was still trying to make it to the stage, but was finding it as difficult to move through the rapidly exiting audience as a salmon swimming upstream against the current.

"Shego!" he yelled over the crowd. "Time to leave! Forget the device, we'll have to retrieve it later!"

Shego muttered a few choice expletives as she grumbled, "Possible is _so_ gonna pay for this!"

Quickly extricating herself from the drum, she flipped over the railing, grabbed Drakken and raced into the hallway. Firing her grappling gun through the window, she pulled them both through and into their waiting aircar.

"So, Possible and his sidekick would never find us, huh?" Shego's voice dripped with more than just the usual sarcasm. "Haven't you ever _seen_ a James Blond movie before?"

Chagrined, Drakken merely replied, "Well, I kind of lost interest in them after Sean Connery left . . ."

And in just another moment, they were racing away and streaking towards the horizon.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The hall by now was nearly empty as the last of the audience made it out of the exits. Kim turned to Bonnie and growled, "All right, _Bunnitailya!_ Where's the nuke?"

Assuming a thick Russian accent befitting her character, she replied, "Eet's een my dressink room, dahlink. But first I should tell you . . ."

But before she could finish, Kim and Ron had grabbed her on either side, lifting her up and carrying her to her dressing room. Her legs flailed away beneath her as she dropped her accent and screamed in protest, "Put me down, you guys! You don't understand!"

They entered what remained of Bonnie's dressing room, the open suitcase revealing the miniature nuclear device. Its timer indicated 30 seconds remaining before detonation.

At that moment, Rufus rushed in and spotted the bomb. Hitting his head with his tiny paw, he sighed, "_Oh no, not again . . ." _

As Ron furiously tried to find a way to open the device and disarm it, he yelled in frustration, "Kim! Bad thing! _Very bad thing!" _

Kim took a quick look at the device and read the Russian writing on the control panel. She quickly pressed the blue button, and the timer stopped its countdown with just 10 seconds to spare.

Ron breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Wow, Kim! How'd you know how to do that?"

"Simple, Ron. I just read the writing next to the button that translated, 'Push Here To Stop Timer.' No big!"

Bonnie then spoke up, again assuming a Russian accent.

"James, vee vere never actually in danger, as this device eez only a decoy. A small amount of radium was placed inside eet to imitate the radioactivity of a nuclear veapon." Majestic Russian music began to play in the background as she continued.

"I am actually Major Natalia Sexinova of zee Russian KGB. Vee intercepted zee criminals who had stolen zee nuclear device and vanted to set a trap for Doktor Yes. Unfortunately he and Ms. Goodthighs got avay, but vee know zee vereabouts of their secret lair, and vill apprehend zem."

Ron again assumed his Sean Connery voice. "So, Bunnitailya. You're an undercover double agent. And apparently you've been working under _several_ covers . . ."

Bonnie blushed at the double entendre. "_Ron_ . . ._!"_ Kim growled threateningly.

"Sorry KP, just couldn't resist!" Ron continued, "So, Bonnie, you're not the bad Bond Girl after all!"

The sensuous sound of a saxophone began to play in the background.

Bonnie languorously replied, "Oh, I'm bad, dahlink." Bonnie seductively moved closer to Ron. "_Very_ bad." She blew gently into his ear. "Or very _good_." She effortlessly slid into his arms. "It all depends on your point of view." Ron's eyes went wide as she began to kiss him gently at first, then more passionately. Kim's jaw dropped as she froze in surprise.

"Hey! Hands off my boyfriend, Bunnytail! Or this really _will_ be your swan song!"

Bonnie let go of a very flustered Ron, and flipped her hair as she turned to Kim. She replied in her thick Russian accent, "So sorry, dahlink. But eet's een zee script."

Kim shot back, "Just remember what usually happens to bad Bond Girls, Bonnie!"

"And vats dat, Ms. Bullederriere?"

Kim made a quick slashing motion across her throat, along with the sound of a slitting knife.

Bonnie yelped "Eeep!" and instantly assumed her normal voice. "Just kidding, Kim! Only playing the part! Nothing serious!"

Kim then turned to Ron. "And you, _James_. Do I have to watch you every second in this sitch?"

He smiled and shrugged guiltily as he replied, "Heh-heh! Must be that Magnetronic Personality Analyzer putting me in all these embarrassing situations, Kim!"

"Nice try, _spy boy_." She sighed and thought for a moment. "But that does actually kinda make sense. We've _all_ been acting a little strange through most of these sitches. I guess we've been getting a little more into our assumed characters than we first thought."

"Speak for yourself, _K!_" was Bonnie's snippy reply. "Let's just go capture Dr. Yes and Shego so we can all go home!"

Kim smiled. "I couldn't agree with you more, Bonnie! Now if we only knew where he was headed."

It was Bonnie's turn to smile as she switched back to her Russian accent. "Da, he is no doubt flyink to his laboratory at the CERN particle physics research center in Geneva. Only there does he have enough power for his time travel device. And . . ." She pulled out a small GPS device, and on its screen was a gently pulsing dot. "I placed a homing device on his aircar before the performance began. Vee shall have no problem tracking zem. Shall we?" Bonnie motioned toward the exit.

Ron excitedly pumped his arm. "All right, _Bonnie!_" Ron then turned to Kim and Rufus. "Okay, people: last one to the car is a rotten borscht!"

And with that, they all raced to the spy car to continue their pursuit of Drakken and Shego.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Wow, I hadn't planned on such a long chapter, but so many ideas came to mind as I was writing, and I just couldn't stop at just one more chapter of this sitch! No doubt more surprises await both our heroes and our favorite enemies in my next installment. And for those who were wondering what the difference is between good and bad Bond Girls, it's just which side of the law there on, not uh, well . . . Update soon! _


	17. Double Uh Oh: License To Kiss

_Disclaimer: Disney may own Kim Possible, but Mr. Dr. P sets her curfew!_

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Beads of sweat trickled down Wade's forehead as he completed the delicate rewiring of the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer. He slowly let out the breath that he'd been holding, then grinned slightly as he admired his handiwork.

"There! With luck, that should reduce at least some of the negative influences of the Analyzer. I just wish I hadn't needed to increase the positive inputs just to decrease the negative ones. Oh well, I guess that couldn't hurt. Now if I can just reverse the polarity of the fail-safe device . . ."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ron piloted the spy car through the air at its top speed, while Bonnie tracked Drakken's aircar on her GPS. Thanks to Dr. P's brilliant rocket propulsion design, plus some additional tweaking by the Tweebs, Ron would easily be able to intercept Drakken by the time he landed at his secret lair at the CERN particle physics laboratory.

Suddenly, Bunnitailya stuck her head into the front and whispered in Ron's ear. "James, I could use your assistance back here."

With his best Sean Connery inflection, he replied, "Of course, Bunnitailya." He quickly turned on the autopilot and deftly moved into the back seat.

Bonnie began running her fingers through Ron's hair. She simply smoldered as she purred, "You vere brilliant back there, James. I just vanted to reward you before vee apprehend Dr. Yes."

Kim began to pout. "Hey, what's with you two anyway?"

Bonnie seductively replied, "Chill, Keemberly. There's nothink that says vee cannot share, _da_?"

Kim thought for a moment. "Well, in the spirit of international cooperation, I suppose . . ."

Kim climbed into the back seat as well, as Bonnie continued to run her fingers through Ron's hair. Kim began rubbing Ron's tux shirt as both Kim and Bonnie sighed, "_Oh, James_ . . ."

"Ron? Ron! _Look out!_"

Shocked out of his daydream by Kim's warning, he took evasive action and narrowly avoided a large flock of geese that had suddenly appeared.

"Whoa! Thanks Kim!"

Bonnie picked up the compact that she had dropped during the sudden maneuver. "Hey! You made me smear my makeup! Can't you fly straight, Stoppable?"

"Head in the game, Ron!" Kim chided. "This may just be a movie, but I don't want to test that out with a mid-air collision with a flock of birds. And what's with that goofy smile?"

"_Heh-heh_, uh, nothing Kim!" Ron then yelled, "Oh, hey, look! _The Alps!"_

Thankful for the distraction, the Swiss Alps had just appeared in the distance, as well as Drakken's aircar.

Ron cleared his throat as he calmed down a bit. "OK, we have a visual on Drak . . . uh, Dr. Yes and Ms. Goodthighs. Everyone prepare for landing."

Ron slowed the spy car as he descended through a layer of clouds. Suddenly, they broke through the overcast a few thousand feet above Geneva. A breathtaking view of the Swiss Alps met their eyes, and just below them Drakken's aircar could be seen entering the mountain entrance of the research laboratory.

Bonnie sighed. "Oh darn, I wish I had brought my skis! Just look at the powder on that mountain!"

"Later, Bonnie," Kim said dismissively. "First we've got to catch the bad guys. Well Ron, looks like you're the lead in this sitch, so what's your plan?"

Ron thought for a moment, then suddenly increased speed. "First we've got to land inside before those doors close!" The clamshell doors had begun closing as soon as Drakken had entered the mountain. "Hold on, this is gonna be close!"

Rufus yelped "_Oh no!"_ as he covered his eyes. Kim and Bonnie both gasped as Ron continued to accelerate, speeding toward the rapidly closing doors. As he zipped through the opening with no margin for error, a terrific scraping was heard as he hit the retrorockets and brought them all to a screeching halt.

As they caught their breath, Ron complained, "Oh, man! 'P' is going to _kill _me for wrecking the paint job!"

Kim breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, Ron, at least you got us inside in one piece! And remember that these spy cars usually get wrecked anyway . . ."

They all piled out of the car and took a look around the huge cavern, home to the Large Hadron Collider, the largest and highest-energy particle accelerator in the world. Huge electronic devices reached nearly to the ceiling, and the cave literally hummed with enormous energy.

Ron was awestruck at its vast size. "Wow, this cavern is . . . cavernous!"

Bonnie was about to roll her eyes and make a sarcastic comment, but found that she couldn't. Instead she said, "Yeah, Ron, I agree. It _is_ kinda cavernous. Nice observation."

Kim did a double take. "Bonnie, did you just say something _nice_ to Ron?"

"Sure, why not Kim? He's observant _and_ smart. You're lucky to have him."

Alarm bells were now going off in Kim's mind. She thought, _Something's very wrong here: Bonnie's never been nice to Ron before_ . . . But as suddenly as she had thought that, her concern instantly faded. "Yeah, Bonnie, you're right. I _am_ lucky to have him! He's the best boyfriend a girl could ever hope for!"

Now it was Ron's turn to be shocked as he whispered to Rufus, "Whoa! Bonnie and Kim _both_ being nice? What's going on?"

Rufus quickly climbed up Kim's shoulder and put his paw on her head. "_Uh-uh, no fever!"_

Kim smiled and said, "Thanks, Rufus, but I'm feeling just fine. In fact, I'm feeling better than I have all day! And by the way, Bonnie, great job as Odette. You really danced that part well."

"Thanks, Kim! And thanks for being such a great cheer squad leader. I know that with you in charge, we're going to blow away the competition at the regionals!"

Ron and Rufus just looked at each other in amazement as their respective jaws hit the floor.

"_Ohhhhh Kayyyyy_ . . . what's the real sitch here?" Suddenly Ron had a thought. "KP, mind if I borrow the Kimmunicator?"

"Sure, Ron, right here."

Ron activated it, and Wade appeared. "Hey Wade, buddy, how's it goin?"

Wade smiled cheerfully. "Making progress, Ron! I've adjusted the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer by increasing some of the positive inputs and decreasing the negative ones, so that should reduce the possibility of any more embarrassing situations."

Ron nodded in understanding. "Uh, Wade, there seem to be some new side effects, which may explain why Kim and Bonnie have formed a _mutual admiration society!_"

"Whoa! They're being _nice_ to each other?"

"Yeah, and it's freakin' me out! But on second thought . . ." Ron turned away from Kim and Bonnie, who were now helping straighten out each other's clothes. He whispered, "Hey, Wade, any way we can make this _permanent_?"

"Sorry, Ron! Any effects of the Analyzer will stop as soon as I bring you all back, which should be soon. I'm working on the fail-safe right now, and I've picked up signals from Kim's dad and her brothers close by your location, so it shouldn't be much . . ."

Wade's sentence was cut short by a green energy blast that whooshed over their heads and impacted on the far wall.

"Sorry, _sorry!_ Everyone okay? I just needed to get your attention, that's all." Shego had just appeared from behind one of the control panels.

Kim cheerfully replied, "No big, Shego, but we're all fine! Thanks for asking!"

Shego continued, "Well, I don't really feel like it, but I guess we should fight now, huh?"

Kim sighed. "Y'know, I suddenly feel the same way, but that's what we do, isn't it?"

Shego shrugged. "Yeah, you're right of course. It used to bug the hell out of me that you're right all the time, but for some reason it's not bothering me right now. But I just wanted to check first."

"Thanks for your consideration, Shego. I really do appreciate it. Shall we?" And with that, Shego swung a plasma fist at Kim, purposely missing her as Kim did a back flip, landing behind Shego.

"Wow! Great move, Kim!"

"So not the drama, Sheeg! But that's nothing compared to those plasma powers of yours!"

"Aww, no big, as you say. Blame it on that stupid comet." She took another half-hearted swing at Kim. "Say, once we're outta this sitch, what say we go for some coffee sometime? My treat!"

Kim crouched low and performed a simple swinging kick, which Shego easily jumped over. "That so sweet of you! It'll give us time to catch up on what's been happening in each other's sitches!"

Shego laughed as she fired off a few plasma bursts, carefully aiming high so as not to injure anyone. "Oh, Kim! I can't _wait_ to tell you how I blew away Marta Stewert, and then took Drakken _to court_ on Judgin' Judith to get him to pay the back wages he owed me! And I _won_!"

Kim happily shrieked, "_Get . . . out!_ That's _great!_ He's really had it coming for _so _long. I can't _wait_ for you to spill!"

Suddenly another voice rang out, but this one was tinged with both amazement and anger. "_What in the name of all that's evil is going on here!?"_ Dr. Drakken stood before them, and was aghast at what he was hearing. "Shego and Kim Possible? _Going out for coffee together!!??"_

Both Kim and Shego had frozen in mid-swing. Kim just grunted, "Men." Shego muttered, "You said it, sister."

Ron quickly wiped Bonnie's lipstick off his face as Bonnie hastily straightened her clothes and checked her make-up.

Drakken, purple with rage, continued his rant. "_That does it!_ Get over here, Shego! _Now!"_

Shego turned to the others with a shrug. "Sorry, guys."

Drakken pulled out what appeared to be a small electronic pistol, and fired. A beam of blue energy shot out, instantly immobilizing Kim, Bonnie, Ron and Rufus. "This paralyzing ray specially designed by SPECTER should put a stop to these silly shenanigans until we can tie you meddlesome teenagers up. This is one time that I am determined to win!"

A few minutes later, they were all bound securely to some of the cavern's heavy electronic equipment. Shego was apologizing to Kim as she finished tying her up. "Sorry I had to do this Kimmie, but, well, I'm evil, and that's just my job. Please don't hold it against me? How are those bindings, too tight? I wouldn't want to cut off your circulation."

"_Enough_, Shego!" Drakken had calmed down, but only a little. "Now, Kimberly Ann, you will hand over the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler."

"Uh, not to be rude, but it's kinda hard when I'm all tied up like this. I hope you'll understand?"

Faced with the obvious, Drakken found himself at a loss for words. "Well, uh, yes, I see that, er . . . _Oh, stop that!_ Just tell me where it is!"

Kim frowned. "Or else, what?"

An evil smile widened on Drakken's face as he merely pushed a button. An deep hum was heard as the wall in front of them began revolving around, revealing three tightly bound figures.

Kim suddenly paled. "Dad! And the Tweebs! Are you guys ok?"

Dr. P answered, "Yes, Kimmie, we're fine for the moment. Dr. Yes and Ms. Goodthighs somehow infiltrated our HQ and grabbed us right after you left."

Jim excitedly blurted out, "But we're in a James Blond movie! How cool is that! Hicka-bicka boo?"

"Hoo-shah!" was Tim's enthusiastic reply.

Kim yelled, "Let them go, Drakken!" as she struggled uselessly against her bindings.

"So sorry, _Kimberly Ann_, but not until you reveal where my Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler is!"

But before she could answer, Ron assumed his best James Blond voice and interjected, "Just curious, Dr. Yes, but why aren't you being affected by Wade's Magnetronic Personality Analyzer adjustments? And for that matter, me either?"

Drakken thought for a moment. "Hmm. Good question. Your _boy genius_ obviously has fiddled with the circuitry that affects only the female gender. Otherwise you and I would be acting just as obsequiously polite as Kim and Shego were just a few moments ago."

Ron's eyes narrowed. "Well, Kim doesn't know where the device is, but I do. So I'll make a deal with you. Release me and I'll retrieve it for you. Then you will let us all go. Deal?"

"No deal, uh, _James_. What's to prevent you from escaping?"

"I wouldn't do that to my friends. Something _you_ wouldn't understand." _And why does he remember to call me James, but can never remember my real name?_

Ron's devotion to them deeply touched Kim and Bonnie, as they both looked at Ron longingly, their eyes as big as saucers. Suddenly they said in unison, "_Oh, James . . ." _Kim quickly said, "Jinx! You owe me a soda!" Both Kim and Bonnie began to giggle.

Drakken pondered for a moment. "Hmm, yes, well. But why can't Shego retrieve it?"

"Simply because it's in my spy car, and the car will self-destruct if it's tampered with."

Drakken frowned as he recalled Ron's history regarding self-destruct mechanisms. "Well, that settles _that,_ I suppose . . . Shego, untie _Mr. Blond_ and accompany him to his car. And no tricks: you have five minutes." His voice darkened threateningly, "Or else you can say _goodbye_ _to all your friends." _

Shego carefully untied Ron, and they began walking back to his spy car.

"Y'know, Ron, I'm really sorry about all this. As a sidekick, I can really relate to what you're going through. But you've really stepped up this time and done an amazing job."

Ron was surprised at Shego's candor. "Thanks, Shego. That means a lot, coming from you."

Shego stopped and looked deeply into Ron's eyes. "You're a hero, Ron. Like I was once." She moved closer to him. "And that's incredibly attractive to me."

_Uh, oh . . . _

"It may just be that Magnatronic doohickey . . ." Shego took him into a warm embrace. ". . . but I've wanted to do this for a _long_ time . . ."

_Oh, no . . ._

Shego then gave Ron the longest and most passionate kiss he'd ever had the pleasure of receiving. Lost in the moment, he thought, "_Oh, man, this is just so wrongsick. . . Kim will kill me when she finds out . . . well, _if _she finds out . . . uh, but it's all in the line of duty . . . wow, evil never tasted so good . . ._

All too soon, Shego released Ron and smiled. "Hmm. Not bad, Stoppable. But don't worry, it'll be our little secret." Then her eyebrows lowered in that uniquely Shego-esque way. "Not that you'd go and blab about it. Then Kim and I would _both_ have to kill you . . ."

"Uh, sure, _heh-heh_, our little secret . . ." Ron replied, as he began to walk unsteadily toward the spy car.

"And don't worry about Drakken, I won't let him hurt you guys. I have a little surprise that will help you guys escape once he and I are clear . . ."

Ron and Shego returned with the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler. "Excellent, Shego! Now tie Mr. Blond back up!"

"Hey! That wasn't the deal!" Ron yelled.

"Sorry, Stoppable." Shego gave Ron a wink as she bound Ron's feet, but left his hands incompletely tied.

"Now my victory is complete!" Drakken cackled. "The Large Hadron Collider is capable of artificially creating a black hole, and by harnessing its nearly limitless energy, my time travel device will have enough power to transport me anywhere in time! I'll start by going back in time to yesterday, where I'll be able to grab that nuclear device in Ms. Rockwalskaya's dressing room before you meddlers even show up! And with the threat of nuclear annihilation, _the world will be forced to bow down before its new master, Dr. Yes!"_

Drakken climbed the elevated platform to the control panel as Shego followed, carrying the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler. He began to push several buttons and adjust the dial on the time travel device. Moving several slide controllers to their maximum positions, the enormous hum of the Large Hadron Collider trebled in volume.

"Farewell, Kim Possible! You thought you were _all that_, but you're not! _Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

"Ron, any bright ideas?" Kim pleaded.

Ron was perplexed as he tried to figure a way out of their dilemma. "I've got nothin' Kim. It's not supposed to happen this way! We can't all be captured, or else how would we be able to escape?"

All of a sudden, intruder alert klaxons began to echo through the cavern, and a dozen black-clad female figures suddenly appeared through an opening in the roof of the cavern. Releasing nylon ropes and quickly sliding down to the cavern floor, they immediately began tossing grenades into the electronic equipment. Brilliantly hued explosions detonated as huge arcs of electricity shot throughout the complex.

Suddenly, Shego tossed the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler to Ron as she yelled, "Stoppable! Catch!"

Not realizing that his hands were free, he reacted as any trained football star would and automatically caught the device. "Whoa! Thanks, Shego!" The female intruders in their stylishly form-fitting black outfits, and obviously dressed to kill in more than just one way, immediately rushed toward Ron.

"AAAH! Now I _AM_ being attacked by crazed supermodels!"

The nearest woman removed her hood. "Oh, Ron-san. I never get tired of your American-style jokes!"

Ron was stunned. "_Yori! _Boy, am I ever glad to see you!"

"Yes, Ron-san. And we are not crazed supermodels, we are _Ninja_ supermodels! We have been sent to help you by the Yamanouchi Modeling Agency. Ms. Goodthighs assisted by providing us with a homing device in order to track and locate you."

Ron just swooned. "Oh, man, I've just died and gone to heaven . . ."

Yori just giggled as he untied Ron's feet. "Yes, I could not imagine _tengoku_ without you, Stoppable-san!"

"_Tengoku_? Uh, what's that, Yori?"

She whispered in his ear, "It has two meanings, Ron-san. One is _heaven_, and the other is . . ." Her smile broadened as her half-closed eyes began to sparkle. "_Paradise_." She then gave a very surprised Ron a brief but tender kiss.

"_Heh-heh_, uh, is it suddenly getting hot in here all of a sudden, Yori?"

Yori's laugh tinkled as delicately as a Japanese wind chime. "Oh, Ron-san! You and your American-style bashfulness. But it's time to leave quickly: this facility is about to completely destroy itself."

The ninjas had by now untied the rest of the others. Over the increasing explosions, Kim yelled, "Thanks, Yori!"

Ron began futilely trying to activate the Quantum Reverser, but failed to notice that once again, the battery pack had fallen out.

Drakken yelled, "You're too late! The black hole is beginning to form!"

Kim flipped open her Kimmunicator. "Wade! Emergency! You've got to bring us back, _now!"_

"But Kim . . ."

"If you don't pull us back now, Drakken will escape into the past and we'll be stuck in limbo _forever!_"

"But I haven't rebalanced the machine to include Jim and Tim yet! Stand by, I'm going to try to increase the power to maximum and hope we don't have a burnout!"

"Hurry, Wade!" Kim's voice was tinged with desperation.

Wade dialed up the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer's power setting to maximum, then hit the emergency override connecting it to the local power grid. As the device began to pull huge amounts of energy from the grid, circuit breakers began to flip throughout the city, plunging first Middleton, then Lowerton, and finally Upperton into darkness. A cascade effect quickly began as the device continued to suck ever-increasing amounts of energy from the now-overloaded regional power grid. Massive circuit breakers throughout Colorado, and then the entire Midwest began to topple like so many gigantic dominoes. Half the country was now in total darkness, but the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer was finally ready for activation.

Rufus had in the meantime run up to Ron with the battery pack in his tiny clutches. "_Ta-da-da-DAH!"_

"All right Rufus! And in the nick of time, little buddy!" Ron slammed the battery pack into the Quantum Reverser and adjusted the device to wide-beam.

At the same moment, the Large Hadron Collider had completed its creation of a black hole, and Drakken's time machine now had the almost unimaginable power necessary to operate. Drakken laughed maniacally as he reached for the transport switch.

Wade then yelled through the Kimmunicator, "Hold on, everybody! I'm bringing you all back . . . _now!"_

At precisely the same moment, Ron, Wade and Drakken hit their respective transport switches. There was a sudden deafening silence, and Time itself stood briefly still as the three devices began to battle each other for quantum supremacy. The explosions within the cavern had ceased as the very fabric of space-time began to tear apart at the sub-atomic level.

In the point in space equidistant between the Quantum Reverser, the Kimmunicator and Drakken's time machine, what looked like a multi-colored coruscating whirlpool had formed. And it was growing larger.

Yori's normally calm face now had a distinct tinge of fear. "Oh, Ron-son! You and your American-style quantum cataclysms!" She gave a quick but polite bow. "So sorry, Ron-son, but it will now be my honor to . . . _run for my life!"_ She and the other Ninja supermodels tried to escape from the quantum whirlpool, but the faster they tried to run, the slower they appeared to move. Everyone appeared to be stretching as they each began to be drawn inexorably into the maelstrom.

Dr. P simply uttered, "I have a very bad feeling about this . . ."

The Tweebs were still beside themselves with excitement, as they exclaimed, "Cool!"

As Rufus chattered away in abject fear, Ron yelled, "Yeah, this would be so cool if it weren't going to reduce us all to our component atoms!"

Shego felt as if her body was now made of soft-set Jell-O and being sucked through a tiny straw as she screamed, "_Drakken! . . . What . . . have . . . you . . . done?!" _

Bonnie's eyes were wide-open with fright as she began to be pulled into the quantum tornado.

"_Kimmm . . . what'sss . . . happeninggg . . . tooo . . . usss?!"_

Kim tried to answer, "_Jussst . . . hollld . . . onnn . . . Bonnieee . . . !!"_

In his last moment of consciousness, Ron thought, "_Oh, man, this can't get any worse . . ."_

And then, it did.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, which device will win, and will it get our band of adventurers home? Or are there still a few more surprises in store? Will Ron's outing as Double Uh Oh get him into any hot water with Kim, or will he be able to blame it on the Magnetronic Personality Analyzer, or on his essential Ronness? As the saying goes, it's not over until the fat lady sings . . . Update soon!_


	18. Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

_Disclaimer: The Disney Corp. may own the rights to my cousin, but I'm still a 12th level wizard on Friday nights . . ._

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"The probability of two events occurring is determined by dividing the number of ways that one event can occur by the total number of ways anything can occur. The probability of two events occurring at exactly the same time is many orders of magnitude higher. However, the probability of the three worst possible events occurring simultaneously and at precisely the same nanosecond is _virtually guaranteed_ when considering the combined effects of the Kim Factor, the Ron Factor and the Drakken Factor . . ."

_Wade Load, Doctoral Thesis in Interdimensional Quantum Physics, Middleton Institute of Science and Technology, 2014._

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As everyone was sucked into the swirling quantum vortex, all natural laws of time and space were suddenly suspended. They swirled helplessly through a bizarre void as unimaginable amounts of energy hideously arced through what seemed to be the entire width and breadth of the universe, but within a moment of time too small to even measure. Billions of galaxies appeared to be created in one moment only to be totally destroyed in the next. It was as if they were all watching _2001: A Space Odyssey_ on galactic-strength steroids.

And then as suddenly as it had begun, it was over.

Unable to breath or speak while in the vortex, everyone found themselves screaming as soon as they reappeared, but quickly stopped when they realized that reality had once again been restored. Ron was the first to speak.

"Whoa! What was _that?"_

Kim quickly asked, "Is everyone okay?"

Everyone responded in the affirmative.

Kim looked around and noticed that they appeared to be back in Drakken's lair. She then noticed that she was apparently looking into a mirror, but her movements weren't being reflected back quite right. In fact, they weren't being reflected _at all_. Kim nearly jumped out of her skin when her image spoke.

"Who are you? And what are we doing here?"

Everyone in the room suddenly realized they were looking into the eyes of their double.

With a quiver in her voice, Bonnie said, "Kim, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore . . ."

Rufus looked closely into his twin's eyes as they each blinked in wonder.

All of a sudden, everyone began talking and trying to find out everything at once. After a few seconds of excited but unintelligible chatter, Shego yelled out in frustration, "_STOOOOOOP!"_

Everyone fell silent and stared at Shego, who was now beside herself with anger, both literally and figuratively.

"All right! One at a time! _And I call dibs!_" She faced her apparent doppelganger. "Okay, are you me, and vice-versa?"

The other Shego crossed her arms and replied, "Apparently. And let me guess, this is somehow Drakken's fault, right?" She removed a small nail file and began sharpening her gloves.

The first Shego turned to the others with a smile and said, "Well, I'm convinced!"

At the same time, both Drakkens turned toward her and started protesting their total innocence in the matter.

Shego 1 quickly held up a glove. "Whoa! Whoa! One at a time!"

She then noticed that her double's gloves didn't look quite right. "Hey, what gives?"

Shego's right glove was black, but her double instead wore a green glove on her right hand, and a black glove on her left. She then noticed something on the wall. Where she had once burned "Shego Rocks" into the wall with her plasma, the writing was now reversed, as if it were being seen in a mirror.

The two Drakkens then eyed each other carefully. Drakken 2 commented, "Er, you seem to have your scar below your left eye instead of your right. Uh, that didn't happen on a Tuesday by chance, did it?"

The Doctors Possible smiled as they eyed each other's hair. "Well, Dr. Possible, that gray streak looks very distinguished on the other side."

"Why, thank you, but please, call me James."

"Well then, James. Parallel universe, I assume?"

"Surrrrre looks like it. Excellent deduction, Doctor Possible!"

The two Rons had begun playing a mirror game and trying to imitate the other's moves. First they wiped an invisible mirror between them, then began moving from side to side in an attempt to trick the other into a false move. The two Rufii were busily chattering with each other, grateful to have at last found at least one other creature that spoke their mutual language.

The four Tweebs thought that this was the coolest thing since the invention of indoor rocketry, and began playing a game of tag. The two Bonnies in the meantime had sat down and began discussing boys, cheerleading, and how they each deserved to be in charge of the cheer squad.

Shego 1 and 2 had both fired up their plasma and were eyeing Drakken 1 and 2 with mutually evil smiles.

"Uh, Shego . . ."

"Let's not be hasty now . . ."

"Just a minor setback . . ."

"No need to resort to violence . . ."

Shego 1 simply looked at her twin and said, "Double the pleasure?"

Shego 2 completed the thought. "Double the fun!"

They opened fire simultaneously on the two hapless Drakkens, who yelled and screamed as they unsuccessfully tried to escape the twin plasma attack.

"Oh, this feels _sooo_ good . . ."

"Don't you know it, sister!"

The two Kims had quickly recovered from their initial shock. Kim 1 asked, "Well, uh . . . _Kim_, what do we do now? This really _is _so the drama . . ."

Kim 2 replied, "Uh, how about we call Wade?"

Kim 1 smiled. "Spankin' idea!"

They each pulled out their Kimmunicators and flipped them open, simultaneously saying, "What's the sitch, Wade?" With a surprised look, they each yelled, "Jinx! You owe me a soda!" and began to laugh.

Within a few moments, the respective Wades had figured out what probably had happened.

Wade 1 surmised, "Okay, so when we were all in our own universes and trapped within our respective TV shows, we all flipped our respective switches at exactly the same time as our counterparts did in the parallel universe? Whoa! What are the odds?"

Wade 2 finished slurping on his soda. "You said it! This is totally awesome! Just think of the scientific ramifications, as well as the potential for advancements in technology! And even more important . . ."

The two Wades spoke in unison, "_WE'LL BOTH BE RICH AND FAMOUS!"_

Kim 1 then spoke. "Uh, guys, sorry to interrupt your little mutual admiration society . . ."

". . . but how are we going to get everyone back to their own dimension?" Kim 2 finished.

Wade 1 said, "Uh, let's ask the two Dr. P's what they think."

After a short conference, Dr. Possible 1 spoke. "I think you're right, James. By duplicating the events that got us here and reversing the polarities of both the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer and the Quantum Reverser, that should return us back to our own dimension, and transport you out of the airwaves and back into your own reality."

Dr. Possible 2 agreed. "Yes, just like in the first season of _Space Passage: The Original Series!_ What do you think, Wade? Uh, _Wades?"_

"We concur."

"But of course we would, we're identical!"

Both Wades snorted in amusement and they said in unison, "We'll get right on it!"

Kim 1 interrupted, "Uh, guys, wasn't the Large Hadron Collider destroyed at the end of that last sitch?"

Kim 2 continued, "Yeah, so how are you going to duplicate the same events if you can't create a black hole?"

Wade 1 frowned. "Ooh. Good point, Kim."

Wade 2 suddenly had an idea. "But wait, that was just a James Blond movie! Hold on just a sec." He quickly flipped through a TV Guide. "There's a special about CERN and the Large Haldron Collider on the Discover Channel in half an hour! We can drop each of our respective groups into that show, and then we'll all have the necessary power to get everyone all the way home. Problem solved!"

The two Rufii happily chirped, "_Oh, boy!"_

The air had a slight odor of singed hair as the two Drakkens sulked quietly in the corner and applied some salve to each other's plasma burns. The two Shegos kept a close eye on them to insure that there would be no more last minute surprises before they could all get back to their respective realities.

"_Hey, you two_ . . ."

". . . _No touchy the equipment!"_

"Arghh. Is she as snippy in your universe as she is in mine?"

"Unngh, _more_, if that were possible . . ."

The two Rons then walked up to the two Kims.

"Kim, this is so bon-diggety cool! We're so evenly matched . . ."

". . . that we just _tied_ a game of Zombie Mayhem IV!"

The respective Kims simply rolled their respective eyes as they said in unison, "_Please hurry, Wade . . ."_

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Everyone was incredibly relieved when they all reappeared back in the Middleton Research Lab, and apparently no worse for wear from their adventure into the parallel universe.

"We're back! We're actually back!" Kim beamed with joy as she hugged Ron like there was no tomorrow. And then she realized that there almost _had _been no tomorrow.

"We made it!" yelled Ron. "_Ah-BOOYAH!"_

Ron and Kim looked into each other's eyes, then shared their first non-Analyzer-influenced kiss in what seemed like an eternity.

Ron thought to himself, "_Oh, yeah, this is good . . . REAL good . . . nothin' like the real thing . . ."_

Rufus just chattered away happily and did a few back flips for good measure.

Even Bonnie was conciliatory. "Well, Stoppable. I guess you're not such a _loser _after all."

Kim then turned to her junior miracle worker. "Thanks, Wade, you did it! You pulled us all through!"

Wade smiled as he nonchalantly scuffed at his shoes. "Well, not without your dad's help, Kim!"

Dr. P just smiled back at him as he shook his head. "Now, now, Wade. You're the hero of the hour right now. So enjoy it while you can. We'll _both_ be pretty busy as soon as the scientific community gets wind of all this. Oh, and kids . . ." He turned to the Tweebs with a frown. "You're both grounded _for life_. What were you thinking, activating this device and putting yourselves in danger like that?"

The Tweebs faces were suddenly aghast. Jim whined, "Aw, Dad! But we helped you build the James Blond spy car!"

Tim added, "And we helped you catch the bad guys!"

Dr. P thought for a moment, then chuckled, "True, and I'm sure I would have done exactly the same thing myself as a kid, given the same situation."

A hopeful look appeared on the Tweeb's faces.

"So I'll leave it up to your mother."

They faces immediately sank. Jim mumbled, "Oh, we're _toast_ . . ."

Dr. Drakken then interrupted. "Well, I really hate to break up this happy little _return party_, but we really _must_ be going now . . ."

Kim frowned. "Not so fast, Drakken! I think you and Shego have a little date with Cell Block D!"

"Whoa, Cupcake." Shego held up a glove. "If it weren't for my help, _none_ of us would have made it back in one piece. How about a five-minute head start?"

Kim grinned an evil grin. "How about _two_?"

Shego shrugged. "Fair enough. Until next time, _Kimmie!_" And without a moment's hesitation, Shego blasted a hole through the wall as she and Drakken quickly made their escape.

"Don't worry, Kim," Wade said. "I've already alerted Global Justice. They'll be waiting for Drakken and Shego at their lair. They won't be going anywhere except back to jail. Unless _Judgin' Judith_ decides to take their case!" Wade snorted.

Kim laughed. "You totally rock, Wade!" She sighed contentedly for the first time in what seemed like days. "Yup, when it comes to Drakken's plans, failure really _is_ the only option."

Bonnie suddenly had a terrible realization. "Kim! The regional cheer competition! We've missed it!"

"Whoa, Bonnie!" Wade reassured her. "The regionals are still tomorrow. You've only been gone about ten hours."

"_Ten hours?"_ she yelled. "It seemed like we were trapped in there for _weeks!"_

Wade grinned. "You were just formatted to fit the screen and edited to run in the time allotted for broadcast, Bon-Bon." His grin widened. "Or should I say, _Candy?"_

Bonnie began to blush a bright red. "One more word, Wade, and you'll be _so dead_ . . ."

Wade laughed, as he continued to flip through the TV Guide. "Whoa, Kim! Looks like I got you guys out just in time. The next two episodes you would have gotten stuck in would have been an episode of _Heidi Idaho,_ followed by _High School Musical 4: Held Back!"_

The color suddenly drained from everyone's faces. Kim just said, "Brrrrr . . . now that would have _really_ been embarrassing . . ."

Ron patted his stomach. "Well, KP, it's great to be back home, but this adventure has given the Ronster a huge hankerin' for some Bueno Nacho. Wanna come with?" Rufus looked at her hopefully and rubbed his paws together as his tiny tummy began to gurgle in anticipation.

"Sure, why not? Some real food sounds great after being stuck in TV Land!" She turned to her father. "Uh, that is, if it's ok with you, Dad?"

Dr. P nodded. "Sure, Kimmie-Cub. Just have her back by ten, Ronald. Or else it will be . . ."

Ron sighed. "Yes, sir, I know. A deep-space trip to a black hole . . ."

Dr. P grimaced at the thought. "I think we've all had _enough_ black holes for one day, Ronald."

Ron perked up. "Ooh, Kim! If curfew's at ten, that'll give us just enough time to catch a movie!"

The look that Kim gave him right then could have melted lead.

"Uh, or not . . ."

Kim smiled as she and Ron left hand-in-hand for the nearest Bueno Nacho.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Well, everyone's home safe and sound, but what happens when certain "events" are revealed? Epilogue next!_


	19. All Good Things

_Epilogue_

The next evening found Ron and Kim enjoying a delicious meal at Chez Couteaux, _sans_ coupons or crayons, just as Ron had promised.

"Well, Ron, as totally awkweird as that sitch was, Dad and I still get to keep that money we won on _Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire._ He says he wants me to use it for college next year."

"Yeah, that's what my Dad wants me to do too. I, uh, won the Grand Prize on _America's Most Facetious Home Videos _for "Boy Lose Pants."

Kim laughed as she blushed a gentle shade of pink. "Well, at least I didn't win for "Baby Takes A Bath!" That would have been even more embarrassing for me than you!"

"Yeah, I'm kinda used to that by now." He took a quick look under the table just to make sure his pants were indeed still on.

"Oh, and great job on winning the Regionals today. You and Bonnie just left the competition in the dust!"

Kim toyed with her food. "Thanks, Ron. Compared to yesterday, that was like a walk in the park. And I'm glad they switched the location to Lowerton, but I still can't figure out why Bonnie totally freaked when that police car cruised by so slowly."

"Hmm, dunno. Maybe guilty about something?" Ron quickly looked down at his plate, suddenly fascinated with its design. Then he let out a long breath. "Kim, I've been meaning to tell you about a few things that happened during yesterday's sitch. During the James Blond movie, Shego and I, uh, kinda . . ."

"Kissed? Yeah, I know. And Yori. And Bonnie, more than once. And then there was that sitch with Dr. Zita, not to mention Sheila the Leopard Girl . . ."

"_But_ _Kim!"_ Ron yelled. "_She was_ _you! Not my fault!"_

Kim smiled. "Calm down, Double Uh Oh. I just wanted to see if you'd 'fess up. Wade explained the whole Magnatronic-Pesonality-Analyzer-derived-from-Moodulator-technology sitch to me. Remember that I was under its influence too, and not for the first time either."

Her thoughts drifted back to the sitch where she had majorly crushed on Ron thanks to the Moodulator, and Shego had likewise crushed on Drakken. Kim shuddered involuntarily at the thought of _that_.

"But now we have the real thing, Ron, and I don't want something that happened under the influence of some weird technology getting in the way of our relationship."

Ron visibly relaxed as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Kim. Oh, and by the way, if you don't mind me asking, _heh-heh_, how did you find out?"

"The Tweebs TiVo'd everything." A wicked smile played at her lips. "Just wait till I show you what happened to Bonnie, Drakken and Shego. You will just _die_ . . ."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that night, Ron and Kim tried to catch up on all the other shows everyone else had been trapped in. Kim had banished the Tweebs from the room, but they still tried to hang around on the stairs, peeking through the banister as the TiVo replayed everyone's recent adventures.

A commercial then appeared, featuring Dr. Possible. As soon as the iconic whistling began, Dr. P rushed into the room to stop it, but it was too late.

Tim then asked, "Hey Dad, what's _E.D.?_"

Everyone's conversation came to a sudden stop, as all eyes turned to Dr. P. He began to turn bright red as he answered, "Uh, I'll tell you when your older." Then he mumbled, "Nothing wrong with _my_ rockets . . ."

Mrs. Dr. P came up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, as she whispered in his ear, "Oh, don't I _know_ it, dear . . ." She began walking up the staircase, then stopped, turning her head around to give him a knowing look.

Dr. P then announced, "Well, everyone, time for me to turn in. And time for bed, you two. It's _way_ past your bedtime." The Tweebs whined in unison.

He followed Mrs. Dr. P up the stairs as he thought to himself, "_Yup, rockets are go . . ."_

Kim and Ron giggled as they resumed watching the recordings, but exhaustion soon caught up with them, and they began to doze off in each other's arms. Even Rufus was tuckered out, and he began to snore softly.

Ron woke up as Kim stirred slightly. "Hey, KP. Thanks for sharing the videos, but I think it's time for me to say goodnight. See ya' tomorrow?"

Kim yawned as she sleepily responded, "Sure thing, James . . ." and gave him one last longing kiss goodnight.

As Ron walked to his scooter, he thought back over the evening's recordings. There were many choice moments, but one stood out from all the rest: the iconic image of Shego, one glove raised with plasma activated, and a white mustache adorning her upper lip. Beneath the shot was the caption, "_Got milk?"_

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ron soon puttered back home, pleased that everything was once again cool with Kim. He snickered at how wonderfully ironic it was that Drakken's evil plans had once again backfired so incredibly. He was also glad that Wade had been able to transfer all of it to DVD for posterity. He sighed and smiled as he walked up to his front door. Then he noticed that something had been left underneath the welcome mat.

Stuck under the mat were two roses, one green, the other black. A note was attached. He uneasily opened the note and began to read.

_Thanks for the kiss. Moodulator or not, I really had wanted to do that for a long time. _

_Later, Tiger._

_S_

The bottom of the note was adorned with the imprint of a kiss made with black lipstick.

Ron felt the blood drain from his face. "Uh, oh . . ."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_The space-time continuum had been restored, and all was well in Middleton once again. But somewhere within the recesses of an archived TV series, two pieces of errant technology, complete with their batteries, appeared in a nameless lair. The villain immediately realized what they were, and what he would do next. He turned to his red-haired feline companion as his maniacal laugh echoed throughout the dark lair . . ._

**The End . . . _for now . . ._**

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Author's Notes:_

_Well, my friends, as they say, it's a wrap! It was really hard to end this whacked-out sitch, since I was having so much fun writing it and so many of you were enjoying it. But sooner or later, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. At first I had planned on just a few chapters, but as one idea led to another, and with some great suggestions from you all, it quickly grew in scope. But at last, my first of hopefully many stories is now complete. Many, many thanks to all who have taken the time to read and review. Now I need to catch up with everyone else's sitches! _

_Originally I had planned parodies of other shows/movies as well (The X-Files, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Invaders, Capricorn One, Wheel of Fortune, even Pinky and the Brain), but I decided to stick with the shows that gave me the best opportunities for humor, while keeping the basic plot line going with at least some sense of continuity. Many of you also threw out some great ideas, but my unfamiliarity with some shows (plus a desire to keep the story from getting too long) prevented me from developing many of them. But rest assured that many plot bunnies remain alive and well in my mind! Also, I really did try to keep within the spirit of a Season 4 episode without getting too OOC (with a few minor deviations, of course!)._

_So what's next? Well, there may be a rejected chapter or two of this story that may work as one-shots, and I fully plan on continuing my little cliffie that I just left you with. But first, I'll be revising the very first story I had started: Across The Stars. This will be a full-blown space opera picking up right after the series finale. Unfortunately, my computer had died and took the Prologue with it. But this was a blessing in disguise, since I've been able to cut my teeth on the present story, and feel much more capable of doing a good job. Also, there will be a certain event in this story which will play a critical part in Across The Stars . . ._

_I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. So until the next sitch . . ._

_MA_


End file.
